Guy asks if he was wrong to tell people coworker lied about wedding invitation. AITA?
In a post on Reddit, a 30 year old guy asked if he was wrong to call out a coworker on a lie. Initially he didn't give his age or gender, which becomes important for the update. Here's his story.
"AITA for telling people that I wasn't invited to a wedding?"
I've been working for my company for 7 years now, five of which have been spent on my current team. There are 15 people on it and I'd say we're all pretty close, relatively speaking. I have a coworker named Bob[33m], who joined the team when I did.
During the pandemic he announced to everyone on a Zoom meeting that he was now engaged. Fast forward to this January and Bob says that his wedding would be held in September of this year at a really beautiful winery.
About five months ago the invites started coming in for everyone on the team, but mine didn't. I waited a few weeks but nothing came, so I went to Bob and asked if my invite got sent out. He gave me a solemn look and then told me that I wasn't invited because of a 'spacing issue'.
He said he tried to make it work, but just couldn't, and hoped I didn't take it personally. He also said I'd be sure to get wedding favors and a piece of cake. He also asked me to keep it to myself and 'please not make a big deal out of it'. I honestly didn't know what to say, so I guess I just said 'okay' and walked away.
I won't lie, I was upset. I hate feeling excluded, and it was doubly worse because everyone else on the team was going except for me. And honestly, I really like weddings, they're usually very fun. I kept it to myself, but I wasn't happy.
The day of the wedding came three weeks ago. and it went by without a hitch. Everyone on my team had a grand time and said it was beautiful The food and party was great as well and apparently everyone got a dozen fresh apple cider donuts to take home. I never did get that cake or wedding favors btw.
At work the following Monday my team member, Sherri, told me that everyone was confused as to where I was. Apparently Bob said I was sick and couldn't make it. I was confused and then pissed, I straight up told her I wasn't invited, and left it at that. She looked shocked, and asked me to confirm and I said yes I wasn't invited.
Well Sherri told someone, because about five people asked me if I wasn't invited and I said it was true.
Today was Bob's first day back from his honeymoon and it must have gotten back to him that I spilled the beans. He approached me in the break room and he was upset that I told Sherri and that it wasn't a big deal I missed the wedding. I said 'how would you like to be excluded from something everyone else is going to?'
We went back and forth for a bit, before Bob walked away. I was pretty upset, so upset that my project manager came to ask me if I was okay because she heard about me not being invited. I didn't want this to go this far, so I said yes. But other team members came up to me and said that Bob should have invited me, and it was wrong he didn't.
Look I realize that it was his wedding day and he's allowed to invite who he wants, but I'm allowed to be upset that I wasn't invited right? So reddit, AITA for telling people I wasn't invited to the wedding and being upset about it?
OP answered some questions:
"Have you ever had an issue with Bob? Maybe it's his wife?"
I have never had a cross word with Bob other than this. His wife and I nerded out over Super Mario Maker and Breath of the Wild for 15 minutes and I added her online so she can download some of my levels.
"Maybe he's threatened by you or your looks?"
It could be, this whole situation is baffling. But Bob isn't a bad looking guy at all, he's shorter than me, but is still tall, and excellent conversation. I can't imagine he'd be threatened by me.
"Did the co-wrkers get plus-1s?"
They did. 12/15 people on my team are older and thus married or coupled up. Other than Bob and me, there is a woman age 26 who was invited and went solo.
"Are you a person of color?"
Nope I'm just as pasty white as they are, and have nothing that makes me 'out of the ordinary'. There are other people on my team who are POCs and were invited, as well a lot at the wedding from what I've seen from pictures.
"Here's what people thought in the comments:"
NTA. You didn't ruin his wedding day, and you didn't say anything prior to the wedding, nor make a big deal of it. Bob straight up lied to your colleagues about why you couldn't attend, which is incredibly bizarre and a major AH move. You just corrected his 'mistake'
NTA. If he was worried about what people would think if he didn’t invite you, he should’ve invited you. it’s his wedding and he can do whatever he wants but obviously people are going to find out and he can’t expect you to lie on his behalf.
After the initial post there was an update:
Bob and I were in the office today. He came to me and asked if we could talk. He asked if we could clear the air over some beers with his wife after work I said okay.
After work I meet Bob and his wife 'Pam' in a bar. They both apologized for not inviting me, and making me feel excluded. Bob apologized for lying and getting mad about it.
The reason they didn't invite me is because they didn't want single guys at the wedding. They went to a big wedding back in 2019 that was ruined when a bunch of drunk, single guys started hitting on the women there. A few of the boyfriends and husbands got pissed and it turned into a big fight. People were arrested and it completely ruined the wedding.
I found it hard to believe, but they showed me a couple of Facebook videos of them at a wedding, and it looked the damn Royal Rumble going on. I was even shown a few Facebook statuses confirming their story. Pam said she was sort of traumatized by this and swore they'd have no single guys at their wedding.
Well the wedding came and Pam stuck to her guns. Only family, couples, single women or trusted single men were to be invited. Pam said that there were only about 10 single guys there, and they were all family members or groomsmen. She said the party turned out amazing this way since women didn't have to worry about being hit on.
Pam said it truly wasn't personal, and that she's so sorry for not inviting me, but would do it again. I asked if she and Bob didn't trust me enough to control myself. She said that Bob vouched hard for me, but she was sticking to her guns. The compromise was that she'd have to explain it if anyone asked, and that Bob got to choose the honeymoon destination.
Curiously she said that she had a sister around my age and I was 'just her type' and she wanted to keep her away from me. I was a little offended at that, but she says that it's for my own good. Her sister is a little bit of sl*t(her words not mine) and she didn't want her to get her hooks in me(again her words).
Bob said he should have handled it better, and he wanted to be honest but it wouldn't have made much of a difference so he hoped I wouldn't mind as much. Plus he figured I wouldn't want to go to a wedding as a single guy anyway.
I told them I was kinda hurt, they thought I would act like a creeper at their wedding. Pam assured me that she thought I was a nice, smart, funny guy but she just wanted to make sure their wedding went off without a hitch.
They promised to make it up to me, but I told them it wasn't necessary. Pam insisted on it, and said I had to know how sorry she was.
So we made plans to have dinner at their expense at a very nice restaurant in the city this weekend. So in the end I guess it wasn't anything I did, but I still feel kind of insulted. But I guess I get a free dinner out of it 🤷🏻