Guy asks if he was wrong to ruin sister's wedding by objecting to the marriage.
In this post on Reddit, a guy had some serious issues with his sister's marriage, so he decided he'd just stay out of it. But after getting pressured to attend, he decided to blow the whole thing up. Here's his story...
'AITA for objecting to my sisters wedding at her wedding party?'
I (27M) have a sister Carlie (26F) and we are the only children of my parents. From 23-25 my sister had a BF who became part of the family. He went on vacations, went hunting with us and we still talk regularly now.
About a year ago my sister gets caught cheating on him with his friend who is now her current fiancé. It was a whole shit show and I lost all respect for my sister. I loath cheaters and I sure as shit don’t support their weddings. I cut my sister off after everything came out. My parents understood at the time but assumed I’d relent eventually.
My parents have tried forcing this wedding on me from the beginning. I’ve stated multiple times I won’t be attending. Things my family has done in the past 2 months to manipulate me:
added me to a group chat with my sister and her fiancé to discuss the wedding. I left the chat.
Had sisters fiancé ask me to be a groomsman. I declined.
Asked my friend group to include the fiancé on our hunts because the guy has no friends. Shocking!!
Tagged me on social media post involving the wedding and told family I will going.
I’ve blocked my sister and her fiancé on all platforms, but this guy still tries talking to me when I’m at my parents. I’ve told him multiple times I don’t respect him or my sister and to leave me alone. This past weekend my parents hosted a wedding party?
It was both families together getting to know each other type thing. My parents asked what they were to tell people who ask where I was. I told them to tell the truth. That I don’t stand with cheaters.
I’m chilling at my house during the party and I start getting text and calls from family friends and family. Calling me selfish and a child. I dig into what is happening and I learn that my sister and her fiancé are badmouthing me to guest.
Things they were telling people (I was jealous, I didn’t like her fiancé over his hobbies, and that I was too busy to attend). All bullshit and it pissed me off doubly because I work in sales. My reputation is my livelihood and a lot of our family friends are my customers.
I drove to my parents. Walked into the backyard. I called for a toast and said this “some people have reached out wondering why I wasn’t here earlier. The lies my sister told you are not true so I want to clear the air. I’m not attending the wedding so this is my formal objection. I don’t support cheaters”.
To save characters I just stated the facts of what happened and my reasons. I wouldn’t support a marriage that started as an affair. I hoped it cleared things up for everyone.
I left immediately after and I guess things went crazy. This was this past Saturday and since multiple people have un-RSVPd. Fiancés family is demanding I apologize to their son. My parents are pissed and want me to apologize.
I’m saying that if my sister didn’t try to make me look bad to my family/clients then I wouldn’t have had to do it. That it was their fault and not mine. AITA?
Q&A:
TheDeadlyPandaGamer said:
NTA, They lie and trash you in front of everyone. You did not start this fire.
NTA, They lie and trash you in front of everyone. You did not start this fire.
0910chattop response from OP:
Exactly… they could have said anything else and no drama. I would have stayed home and they could have their party. I hate the “but they started it” shit. But they literally did.
SummitJunkie7 says:
You have every right to not have a relationship with anyone you choose, including your sister's fiance and your sister. But you need to be prepared for the consequences, including a damaged relationship with not only your sister but your parents, and many other family and friends.
Nobody cheated on you, is this the hill you want to die on? If it is, then that's your choice, but a natural consequence of this is a damaged or destroyed relationship with your family, with family friends, a damaged reputation, not being welcome at family events, potentially never getting to know future nieces and nephews..
They aren't going to change their mind about getting married, this person is going to become part of your extended family. You can't stop that. Your choice is whether you want to remain a part of your family or not.
0910chattop response from OP:
I’ve thought long and hard about this trust me. And I’m okay with the outcome. If my parents want to support my sister and our relationship suffers so be it. I’ll be able to feel good about myself when I lay my head down at night.
Judgements:
I'm gonna be honest OP, initally I was thinking you could chill out a little, but you weren't making a fuss, you just opted out. If they'd let it go and not trashed you, they wouldn't have this mess (or if your sister had broken up with her first BF if she wasn't happy, but that's another rant). NTA.
ESH. I doubt this was a good look on you OP. But I bet it felt great in the moment.
I'm going with an ESH. In the beginning you were definitely NTA, going no or low contact when you disagree with someone is totally fine by me. Obviously they are annoying and are definitely being assholes. In the end though crashing the party pushed it over to ESH to me, it was extreme and mean, of course they should have left you alone.
I'm going with NTA simply because it seems like you have tried your damnest to stay out of her marriage and life and everyone is doing their best to drag you back in. As soon as they started lieing about you to people they didn't need to lie to they lost all rights to you playing nice imo.
They should of come up with some medical reason (OP has the flu, etc) to explain away your absence and left it at that.