Friend alters and wears bride's wedding dress before ceremony, charges her. UPDATED 2X
"AITA for Refusing to Pay Friend Who Paid for my Wedding Dress?"
inmyfeelingsbutidk
I was looking to buy this dress from a brand in NYC. Because I'm not based there, the only option was to go through a retailer where I'm based at and that would cost $2.4K excluding alterations. I found a listing from Stillwhite and it was the exact dress I wanted in my size and brand new (the previous owner had canceled her wedding) for $900.
My long time friend from school, Sarina, who happened to be in New York at the time, agreed to pick it up for me and bring it back with her to where I'm based (where she's also from).
I was really grateful and happy, and I was even intending to gift her a $100 on top of the Uber rides to/fro the place I said I would reimburse as my token of appreciation. However, my joy turned to shock/horror/dismay/disbelief when I saw Sarina's Instagram story showcasing her trying on MY wedding dress.
I called her out for it, telling her I wasn't happy she not only tried it without my permission but posted it for the public to see. She didn't take it down even after a conversation we had about this.
To make matters worse, she admitted she collected the dress posing as me. Through an email bill later, I noticed that the dress had also been altered (wtf) on the spot, all without my knowledge or consent.
When confronted, Sarina nonchalantly stated that it was her "one chance to try a wedding gown" and insisted I should "get over it" and reimburse her the $900 she paid for the dress.
My wedding dress experience was entirely hijacked, I'm now hesitant to pay her back. This all happened yesterday and she reached out today to ask for the money back and told me "to get over it" because she “needs to make a big purchase tomorrow and it would help her cashflow". Since she wants it so bad, she can now have it. AITA?
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
"UPDATE 1 (Same Post)"
inmyfeelingsbutidk
First of all, thank you everyone for being so empathetic and indignant on my behalf. I don't feel crazy anymore. When I saw her post I completely lost it I cried so pathetically. I know everyone must be wondering why am I even friends with Sarina, and how that reflects on me as a person too.
Sarina and I go a long way back, I have always known Sarina is a shitty friend but I still kept her around because of her mental health struggles. I was the only friend connected to her family so if anything I would have been the one to sound the alarm.
I don't think I could have lived with the guilt if anything really happened to Sarina. But well I guess my job is done because Sarina's audacity tells me she's in a much better place. Good for her.
MOVING FORWARD:
I don't have the dress on hand yet, because it's still in New York with her. She is coming back to where we're based February 24. I agree that she was doing me a favour, and for that I think I will still pay her for the dress (after all it is $900) but with the following terms:
I will only pay her upon receipt of the dress.
The trust is completely broken idk what else she might do to the dress. Sleep in it?? I unfortunately need this leverage over her until I have it in my hands. Else she has no incentive to keep her hands off it. For all I know she chucked it in dusty storage to spite me.
I will pay her the $900 minus the cost of dry cleaning and alterations.
It's like borrowing a friend's clothing and not washing it before returning it.
Did I mention she also tried it after her pilates class without showering? Haha.
I think this arrangement is fair and I would not owe her anything.
I will end this friendship.
Tbh I think if Sarina and I met as adults we wouldn't be friends. The friendship has ran its course and I think I did the best I could in this situation. She said I'm pulling an Anna Sorokin on her. Sarina called me a con artist and isn't even sorry that she rained all over my parade. Friend?! Human?!
She's uninvited.
Need I say more?
Two days later, the OP provided a final update.
"UPDATE 2 (Same post):"
inmyfeelingsbutidk
Sarina had actually told me there were lipstick stains on the dress and offered to buy a stain pen. Later I found out from the shop owner that the stains were actually caused by Sarina. So Sarina not only lied blatantly, but tried to cover up her vile behaviour by coming across helpful.
I have since reverted to Sarina and gave Sarina two options:
1) Sell it to me at half the cost to cover alterations and dry cleaning
2) Sell it to someone else.
She chose option 2 and showed no true remorse. End of story and friendship. Shoutout to my friends! Happy holidays everyone :)
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
embopbopbopdoowop
NTA. She had it altered?! Wow. It’s officially her dress now. Lucky her - her “one chance to try a wedding gown” is now her lifetime of owning a wedding gown. She can try it whenever she wants!
Professional_Ruin953
Exactly, she wanted the experience, that includes owning it and never having another opportunity to wear it.
akhicat
NTA . She altered it, tried it and took photo and posted it on Social media. It 3rd hand now.
pecileci
NTA- You need a new dress and that woman is not your friend. She wants to be in the spot and used your wedding dress to get views. Uninvite her now or she will be the one in a "blush pink" lace dress at your wedding.
Now if she has it in writing that you said you would pay for the dress, she can try and sue you, now you can try can counter sue due her getting the dress alter to her without your permission, possibly causing more financial problems with any future alterations.
I wouldn't pay my friend for ruining the surprise of my wedding dress that I was so excited I found. I would have to take some time before I hunt for one again just to make sure there is no sour taste left in my mouth after this experience.
Lemons_Dumpling
I’m blown away by the fact that OP still wanted to pay Sarina any amount at all.
Fluffy-Designer
She handled this so much better than I would’ve. I have no plans to get married, but if someone altered my bridal dress to fit them, I would do some unspeakable things.