What do you do, though, when your family expects to pay a contractor to build something you'll only use for about 20 minutes? So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about some spicy family wedding dilemma, the post was also shared on the gloriously petty and judgmental group, 'Wedding Shaming.' Needless to say, people were eager to pile on.
My (22f) cousin (24m) is getting married next weekend. He proposed to his girlfriend (25f) on Wednesday and wants to get married by the next Saturday. They want to hold the ceremony at our grandparent’s house which I’ve the legal inheritance of.
I’ve no objections to them wanting to get married there or anything. Also there is no reason to technically rush the wedding, but they say they are in a very happy place and want to be married asap, well whatever rows their boat.
They want to hold the ceremony in backyard and there’s this platform of sorts where they want the wedding party to sit at reception. The thing is one of their bridesmaids (24/25? F) is wheelchair user and so they want to add a ramp to the platform.
Now the conflict is: they asked me to get a ramp there, I’ve talked to the contractor who has done most of the furniture and stuff in that house and he says he can only get to it next month, he’s busy with some personal affairs.
I told my cousin this and he and his fiancé are very mad at me when I refused to hire a different contractor or get a quick work done. I have offered to attach a temporary ramp (the detachable kind- which I could rent from a nearby shop) instead.
The bridesmaid is refusing this, saying she deserves accommodative and accepting facilities. Thing to be noted is: the cousin doesn’t want to pay for ramp construction since it’s not his house and doesn’t even want to pay any % of rent for ramp.
Also the rest of the house is wheelchair accessible since my grandma needed it, including washrooms, it’s only this platform for some reason that has no ramp, but only stairs. I don’t want any sloppy or expensive ramp done in a rush, because I don’t have that kind of money saved or want to compromise the quality.
The bride texted me saying she and my cousin have always walked on eggshells around me to make ‘accommodations for my handicap and feelings’ this is the least I can do for them. For reference my handicap is my Autism. It’s never occurred to me it’s a handicap or issue for people (at least family) to be around me.
When I talked to my parents about this, they were very angry at her and have refused to attend wedding where their kid is disrespected. When my aunt (groom’s mom) found out about this whole thing she was ‘red angry’ and said she might not attend the wedding too. Now the bride is calling me an ableist and instigator. AITA?
Of course NTA (Not the As*hole). The temporary ramp is a common solution for situations like this. Frankly, I've even seen wheelchairs just manually lifted over obstacles by a couple of capable helpers and no one batted at eye at that either.
Yeah who the heck asks for permanent accommodations in someone else’s private residence? That’s some next level entitlement. This would make sense at say…an actual wedding venue…where they are required to be accessible by everyone.
NTA. You offered a perfect solution in the rental ramp and they are being controlling, ungrateful, ridiculous. It is also really gross for them to reference your neuro-divergence as some sort of weight to hold over your head.
NTA. Your home is not public domain. If she wants everything to be handicapped accessible, then she needs to rent a hall that is suitable for all. Tell them to find somewhere else to get married at and to leave you alone.
NTA. If they are in a hurry, they can accept the temporary ramp or have the wedding elsewhere. What entitlement!
Thank you everyone for all the comments and explanations… it really helped me understand the entirety of situation. Well after reading all the comments the general consensus was not to let them use my house for wedding and when I asked my parents about this- they wholeheartedly agreed.
Well it so happened we were at the said house, we being me my parents and my aunt (groom's mom), when I texted my cousin saying “I’m sorry but I’m not comfortable with you hosting the wedding or reception in my house.” And he simply texted back “ok.”
That’s when my aunt called him up and started yelling how he was raised better, and he being disrespectful to his sister isn’t what she ever expected, she said she won’t attend the wedding and when undoubtedly the marriage will fail he’ll come back to his senses and his family.
He was shell shocked would be understatement. He immediately came over to meet us all and when I told him about the ‘handicap’ text from his bride to be, he was taken aback. He apologized profusely. He literally said he’s begging for forgiveness.
Yes he was irrational for the ramp demand but the bridesmaid was emotionally manipulating him and blackmailing him a lot. He called off the wedding and has gone no contact with fiancé.
She saw the original post on Reddit and texted me calling me a ‘tattle tale dimwit’ So FU CAROL. Also as it turns out they were rushing the wedding because she didn’t want to sign a prenup. Dodged a bullet there it seems. Yes she said this part herself yelling in rage.
So no wedding, but my aunt is hosting dinner the night of wedding and making my favorite dishes. Once again thank you everyone.
You don't need to worry about building a ramp if the wedding gets called off, right? It sounds like it's for the best that her cousin didn't rush into a wedding regardless of whether or not an expensive ramp was built. I wish we had an update on the details of the prenup, though. Good luck, everyone!