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Wedding drama unfolds as bride's MOH brags about prior relationship with groom. AITA?

Wedding drama unfolds as bride's MOH brags about prior relationship with groom. AITA?


"AITA for uninviting my best friend from my wedding because she kept telling people she dated my fiancé first?"


Izzy (27F) and I (26F) have been friends since we were born. We were practically raised together. We were closer in college, but after that we have been drifting apart a little but I still had a strong bond with her up until recently. She has been there for me a lot and I have too so its tough, this situation.

After college, when Izzy was like 23, she went on a few dates with Jake (my fiancé) but then told him she wasn't interested in anything serious. Even though I was her best friend, I didn't really know Jake because she used to get asked out a lot, but only a few turned serious. So I knew about her boyfriends, but not necessarily her dates.

Almost a year after that, I moved in with Izzy and so we got close again. It was after this that I met Jake. We quickly became good friends. I used to talk about him to Izzy a lot, but its when I showed her his picture that she recognised him and told me about her dates with him.

Friendships were more important to me that any guy back then, so I asked her if it was okay to date him because I liked him a lot. She said she had no problem and joked about it never turning into a relationship, which I took as a joke.

Jake and I became serious very quick; he is my soulmate. By then though, Izzy and I lost touch a bit since I moved in with Jake and work became more of a priority. Right until I got engaged, she used to still joke to both me and Jake that she didn't think we would be this into each other, and at that time I saw it as funny because Jake is the opposite of me.

After I got engaged, she became very weird. She was very shocked, and would not believe it. Then later she started to tell me I'm too young to be married and if I'm sure, but I saw this as just concern. Although she agreed to be my MOH along with my sister.

Afterwards, I posted on my Instagram about our engagement and people were reposting it and congratulating us. But Izzy just captioned it saying "you better mention me in your vows because he was into me first haha".

Jake felt very uncomfortable, and so did I. But, I defended her saying that, its just izzy, she jokes around a lot. But I still let her know that it was a bit uncomfortable and she said that she was just joking.

After Christmas, we hosted a dinner party and that day, Izzy just kept telling all the friends and family gathered that Jake dated her first, she let me have him, stuff like that.

Even after telling her it was not okay, she joked around. Later I told her that she was crossing my boundaries and that it was not okay, to which she said I was overreacting. In the end, I told her to not attend my wedding at all.

I have been overthinking a lot after that. Right now, people who know about this are just choosing sides based on who they know more. I'm worried I'm ruining a lifelong friendship when I'm not even right. What if, to her, it really was just a joke and I'm not being understanding? But she is not being supportive or positive, which I think is unfair. I'm confused.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. I think that she loses any right to claim it was "just a joke" when you've expressed that it makes you uncomfortable and asked her to stop. You have every right to enforce your boundaries, even if that means ending a long friendship.

If she was a good friend, she would value your feelings over her need for attention - which is clearly what this is about, in my opinion. Also, it's weird that people are choosing sides in this - there is literally no reason for it and they should really start behaving like adults.


Exactly. If I make a joke that doesn't land, or if someone tells me it makes them uncomfortable (not often but I'm ND so struggle sometimes) the first thing I do is apologise.

The second thing I do is commit to memory that it's not something to ever say again. "It's a joke" is only a (semi) reasonable defence before you know it makes someone uncomfortable. Once you know, you're an AH if you repeat it.


NTA. I think she put you in a super tough position. You asked her to stop and she wouldn't, and so she kind of forced your hand. Those statements are awkward AF - I'm sure those who heard her joking about it found it odd.

But also really diminishing of your relationship. The other things you mention - her shock and denial of your engagement - also suggest she is kind of mentally hung up on this and that's too bad, but not your fault.

If she'd just stopped when you asked her to, even if she felt you were being overly sensitive, this would all be in the past. But she wouldn't. I would like to say you could have just told her to step down as an attendant but I think that would have left room for a lot of drama so this was probably appropriate.

To the extent there is fallout with other friends, well that's on them. Your friends - even if they are also hers - should be focused on supporting and celebrating your marriage. There is no need to choose sides and if they knew the reality was that she was making embarrassing, degrading jokes persistently at your expense, despite your request that she can it, I would imagine they'd understand.


INFO: she dated a lot and i infer that means she's really attractive and/or charismatic; do you think she saw you as her sidekick and it's upsetting her world that you're getting married first?

I've known people with pretty bad main character syndrome who don't cope well with other people's successes that they believe should be theirs. Especially if she feels she's already peaked. And the too you g but? I checked your ages, if you were 22 I'd agree, but late 20s is fine. NTA even if this isn't the case though.

The OP responded here:


I never felt that way, like she treated me like that. But I personally used to feel that, I just thought that I feel that way because I am insecure. She is very pretty and just very confident.


NTA. Kick her out and leave her out for good. She is jealous and insecure. She sees what you have and either wishes she had stayed with him, or wishes she found someone too. It’s disgusting the way she’s making your special day all about her.


NTA. When you repeatedly ask a friend to stop making a comment that bothers you and they continue? In public no less? That's not a real friend.

Afterthought: Reinvite her, but only if the best man makes repeated references to the terrible taste the groom used to have in women, what vapid girls he used to date etc.

So, do you think there is some serious jealousy here? Did the OP do anything wrong? What is her friend's goal here?

Sources: Reddit
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