Wedding tradition of 'kidnapping' the bride forever ruins sisters' relationship.
"The time a wedding game ruined the relationship between two sisters."
As the wedding season is well underway, my mom and I ended up talking about weddings recently. She decided to tell me about the most awkward wedding she has ever witnessed. This happened in the late 90's. I also apologize for any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language
My mother used to know this woman, 'Aliisa'. Aliisa and her partner 'Peter' had decided to get married after ten years of dating.
Since they were a bit older (early 40's), they didn't want their wedding to be a big event. Aliisa and Peter decided to have a quick church wedding (to appease Peter's parents, he was an only child) and then host a quick reception in the church's community hall. They'd serve the guest coffee and tea, as well as some small salty snacks and a cake.
Their families were apparently a little disappointed by this, but since they weren't paying for anything they accepted it.
Except Aliisa's sister, 'Hanna'. She question every decision they made, and apparently tried to talk them into having a bigger, more traditional reception. She seemed to really focus on traditional wedding games, or one, really. The Bride Kidnapping.
Now I'm not sure if this is a thing anywhere else, so in brief: some male guests (usually the groomsmen) 'Kidnap' the bride, and in order to get her back the groom will have to fulfil a random task.
He might have to sing a song, or write and perform a poem in front of the entire reception. Maybe he'll have to do an awkward dance or change a dolls diapers fast enough. If this sounds awkward and/or mean to you, that's because it is.
I have never witnessed one of these at a wedding and for a good reason, no one like them. The couple refused to even consider these games, and eventually Hanna stopped asking. You all know where this is going.
Que the wedding. The ceremony goes off without a hitch and the reception is a pleasant affair. My parents were talking to some other guests when Peter's groomsmen suddenly grabbed Aliisa, lifted her up, and carried her outside despite her protests. Hanna and some other guests cheered them on, and then Hanna turned to Peter and told him it was time to get Aliisa back.
Apparently, Peter looked her dead in the eye and told her he wouldn't take part in this game, before getting up from his seat and pouring himself more coffee. Hanna protested loudly, pointing out that they needed to get Aliisa back.
According to my mom, Peter loudly declared 'Whoever took her can return her', before sitting back down and drinking his coffee in silence.
Everyone either sat or stood around awkwardly for a couple of minutes with Hanna trying to get Peter to cooperate before the groomsmen sheepishly returned, without Aliisa.
Apparently once they got her outside she'd blown up on them, called them every name in the book and just left her own reception. They tried to stop her, but ultimately had to return without her.
Once Peter heard this he finished his coffee, thanked everyone for coming and apologized for the reception getting cut short, but if they had any problems with that they could always talk to Hanna. He then left.
My parents and the other guests didn't know what to do until Peter's mother went off on Hanna. She was soon joined by Aliisa's and Hanna's mother.
As the older women kept screaming at her, the vast majority of guests decided to make a quick exit. My dad wanted to stay a bit longer to see if things escalated, but my mom insisted on them leaving.
Aliisa pretty much cut Hanna out of her life, refusing to see her and even refusing to attend family events if Hanna was there. Hanna tried to mend things with her sister, even asking her to be a bridesmaid at her own wedding a few years later. Aliisa declined, but did go to the wedding.
Allegedly, during the reception she held a speech that went something along the lines of: 'I'm surprised your wedding has gone so well, or do you only f*ck up other peoples' weddings? Anyway, when's the bride kidnapping?' Unsurprisingly, Hanna didn't have one. My mom lost contact with Aliisa a decade ago, but she doubts she and Hanna ever reconciled.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
I would have been like your dad..wanting to hang around for more lol.
What did Hanna think would happen with her relationship with Alissa?
'Hey, I just violated your trust, stomped on your boundaries and ruined your wedding! Aren't I cute, quirky and the best?'
'What do you mean you never want to see me again except to deliver a scathing speech at my wedding? How did this backfire? Who could have predicted this outcome?'
People like this count on social pressure to get away with what they want. Really, most couples in this position, even if they were upset, would go along to at least get past it and continue the reception as they originally hoped to have.
Maybe they’d ask her to leave once the game was done or tell her off after the wedding, but she’d generally have gotten away with it because after the deed is done, everyone would likely tell them not to focus on the negatives of the night and to let it go. Overall most of us are socialized to keep the peace.
These two badasses have spines of steel though and refused to let Hanna have her way. By refusing to participate and then leaving, the family/friends had to take on the negatives of Hanna’s behavior which pissed them off, whereas they’d probably brush over the bride and groom alone being upset had they returned.
I’m sorry they didn’t get the rest of their wedding, but they have their self respect and the high ground.
My husband is from Romania (we live in America and I’m American) and we travelled back home for his brother’s wedding. This was the first time I heard of the kidnapping the bride game- they took part in this during the wedding reception.
However, the bride (my sister-in-law) used the “kidnapping” time to go into the city and do solo photos in her wedding dress. While we all participated in this game, she went off and did her own thing- she was gone over THREE HOURS.
There is only so long we could play. When she eventually returned, the meal had moved on, the game had moved on, people had left to go home. It was such a mess.
Gold Star to Peter for calmly refusing to join in the 'game'.
Booby prize to your mum (sorry!) for heading out of there and missing the finale. Wild horses couldn't have got me out of there before it was over lol.