Widow skips sister's 'elaborate scheme' wedding; 'I knew what she was up to.'

Weddings can be hard for those who have suffered the loss of a spouse.

The last thing anyone needs is a family member determined to make it even harder. When a widowed mother came to Reddit, she found the advice we hope she was looking for.

'AITA for pulling my attendance from my sister's wedding after already RSVPing yes?'

Special_Cabinet_613 writes:

I lost my husband, and the father of my three children, five years ago. We had been together from the age of 17, had married in our 20s and he passed at the age of 31. Our children were very young.

The last five years I have missed him like crazy and have poured myself into focusing on my children, my hobbies and even furthering my career more. I have no interest in dating or finding a new partner.

My sister and a couple of other family members have been trying to push... I mean encourage me to find a new partner, to find a dad for my kids, to look for more love. I have zero interest. It's something I have discussed with my sister on repeat. She has told me she doesn't understand.

Even as a teen I had zero dating interest. My husband was the exception. I loved him, I was best friends with him, we were compatible in every way and we found a relationship that worked for the two of us and gave us a life better than we had planned on.

My interest in dating has not sparked now in my 30s and widowed. I have pleaded with my sister to understand, to know that I am living the life I want to live and that I am not some broken hearted shell who has paused my life.

It seemed as though she accepted it.

She announced her engagement months ago, sent invites for her February wedding in December and she and her fiance left a note that they would cover the cost of the hotel for me because they are aware I am now a single mom and that leaving my three kids with my ILs covers some expense, but not all. So I RSVPd yes.

Then over Christmas my brother told me my sister has rounded up many single men to invite to the wedding and she has recruited some people to help her play matchmaker for me at her wedding. He said it was why she paid for the hotel for me and everything.

I was not happy. Her friend she recruited to help confirmed it to me. She said my sister has been wanting to find me the perfect man and has planned it all.

I was so done at this point that I called my sister, told her I knew what she was up to and I would no longer be attending her wedding and I was not going to trust her again.

She got so upset and told me I was overreacting. My parents also chimed in and told me the same. They said I could just ignore her plan and attend and support my sister. My sister keeps telling me I need to come and then she got mad saying she's trying to save me from myself.

The controversy is rumbling almost a week after I told her. AITA?

What do you think? Is OP overreacting, or did her sister seriously cross a line?

Reddit mostly ruled NTA (not the a-hole), but with some exceptions.

coastalkid92 says:

NTA. You don't want to date, that is valid and that's what your sister needs to accept. Whether or not you find a partner should be done entirely on your timeline and terms, not her's.

middlingwhiteguy comments:

Obviously NTA. But if you want to be petty, hire a guy to be your date and tell him he's your kid's new dad, then have him act like Ric Flair and drop an elbow on the wedding cake while yelling WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

gmblba rules:

ESH (Everyone sucks here). You could still go to the wedding. You don’t HAVE to engage with these men. Why not take a friend as your +1 (and bodyguard from any unwanted advances).

OP answers:

I could but I do not want to deal with it. Knowing she tried to be sneaky and to go behind my back after multiple discussions on this topic makes me so angry.

jguess06 writes:

There is nothing worse than people that have an immense fear of being single and then project that onto everyone else. I'm in my mid-30s now, never married no kids, and I'm seeing this more and more in my life. People immediately 'feel bad for you' and 'want to help you'. And I'm sitting around getting through life just fine. NTA, OP.

thebeast2124 says:

Your sister should respect your wishes and even once she messed up she should have just apologized and explained that she doesn’t care about whether you meet a guy or not but she just wants her sister at her wedding. Instead she doubled down.