Woman boycotts sister's wedding after she banned her daughter from being flower girl. 'AITA?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to speak to my sister because she wouldn’t let my daughter be a flower girl at her wedding (she originally was a flower girl) and causing multiple family members to boycott too?"
Here's the story:
So I (28f) have a sister (26f) who got married last month. I’m gonna be blunt my sister has always been one of those people that has to have everything perfect to the point sometimes it was hard to be around her but she was my little sister and I’ve no other siblings so I always made excuses when she’d hurt me when I was doing things right in her eyes.
I was kinda nervous when she asked me and my daughter(4) to be bridesmaids in February because I knew she was gonna be a massive bridezilla. Over the last few months we have had to practice multiple dances,pay for very expensive dresses and put up with her tantrums.
I told her from the start if she was anyway nasty to my child I wouldn’t stand for it she assured me she’d never be nasty towards her “favourite person in the whole world”
Well her now husbands little cousin(8?) started coming to dance practice with her mom and my sister started to ask her do little things like show my daughter how to throw the petals. I honestly thought she’d make them both flower girls for a while but when she started to make my daughter sit out and have the little girl do her poem I knew what was gonna happen but prayed I was wrong
I invited her out to coffee a few weeks before the wedding and asked her what was going on She told me she was glad I brought it up because she was looking for the right time.
Apparently my four year old wasn’t doing everything right and she was afraid she was gonna “mess up Her version” by saying the wrong thing or not doing the dance right on the day. I told her she doing a pretty good job and everyone was always praising her.
Sister giggled and said it’s not THEIR day now is it so it’s not up to US what’s good enough for her wedding. I asked her straight up did she think her niece wasn’t good enough to be in her wedding she replied with not as something big as a flower girl but to attend .
I asked her how was I gonna break it to my daughter who’s excited about being in the wedding she just told me figure it out.i told her I’d give her a day to rethink her decision if not we wouldn’t attending not speaking to her ever again than left
Well two days went so I couldn’t put it off any longer I broke the news to my child. Even tho I tried my hardest and sugarcoated it as much as possible the news still broke her heart. She cried herself to sleep (so did I and my husband)
Well after a week when I was a no show for anything my sister started to panic and started to get every one to talk to me even drop off gifts for my daughter. When I told them why a good number of our family including bridesmaids dropped out
We ended up going for a few weeks away with no phones. When we came back my sister had sent me multiple letters and emails apologising. her in laws and husband have called me an a**hole for doing what i did
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Catbunny said:
NTA - For the people saying OP is the AH, consider: OP was expected to bring the child to the celebration after being told she was no longer going to be the flower girl. Yay! She gets to watch another child do the thing she was so excited to do and not make a fuss. Get a babysitter? Great, watch her parents get fancy and leave to go to a celebration she is no longer a part of.
OP's choice to not go to the wedding was correct. Her immediate family is more important than her sister. OP did not tell other people to not go to the wedding, she told them what happened when they asked. Everyone made their own decision. I am SURE this was not the only crappy thing the bride was doing.
depressho said:
NTA she can’t expect a 4 year old to try everything perfect and you can’t control what other family does after they hear about bridezilla
Monkeyruler164 said:
NTA. Your sister asked a 4 year old.. a 4 year old.. Then expected perfection. It's laughable. Yes it's her wedding but to ask a 4 year old to be a flower girl and go through everything when in the end she's shocked a 4 year old doesn't live up to her idea of perfection is just a moronic thing.
Your family asked why you weren't attending and you told them. You didn't ask them to boycott. They made their decision. Your sister sounds like a nightmare and crappy person. Personally, I think it's cute when little kids go off script during weddings.
CalmFront7908 said:
Nta! Play stupid games win stupid prizes. The giggle is what did it for me! Actually giggling at the thought of devastating your niece.
Well, the situation has been unfolding, because the sister later posted this dramatic update:
My BIL saw this post and told my sister who cried reading all your comments How do I know? because they showed up at my job knowing I wouldn’t want a scene. They begged me to delete the post before people they know see it and kept apologising, finally my sister said she might be pregnant.
I told her even if she is, pregnancy doesn’t wash away all the sh&%ty things shes done and I hope her husbands siblings never treats her child the way she treated mine because I don’t plan to be apart of her life. She busted into tears saying she was sorry and she loves my daughter
I told her leave before I called security and her husband tried to talk to me alone because “I was making her so upset” and “everyone was cold towards them because of me”. I told them no everyone was cold because “Cinderella and Prince Charming forgot that after treating everyone like s#!t that no one wanted to be in their happy ever after” they didn’t like my mocking tone and raised their voice at me
My boss told them leave who knows the situation and has a 5 year old herself so she’s on my side. My sisters MIL reached out to my parents asking for everyone to meet up on neutral terms so we can all work out our differences. I m gonna go to this dinner party because I want to hear their story and officially tell them leave me alone.