Bride can't afford 'dream wedding dress,' MOH buys it for herself. AITA?
'I bought the wedding dress my best friend wanted, but didn’t get and she’s mad at me.'
I [25 F] got engaged to my now fiancé [26 M] of 7 years on Dec. 24th, 2022. I’m so happy & excited! The wedding is set for March 16th, 2024 & I’ve already planned SO much! Now…the drama.
My best friend, who I’ll call K, [25 F] got married Aug. 15th, 2022 & chose me as her MOH; we’ve been best friends for 10+ years. I was SUPER excited & did everything a MOH is expected to do, especially go dress shopping with the bride.
We went to at least 3 different bridal stores together & she absolutely FELL IN LOVE with one from the last store. She wanted it SO bad & she looked absolutely stunning. However…her mom, who I’ll call B, didn’t like it. It was a little over budget & said it wasn’t “bridal enough” & “looked like a cocktail dress;” K was clearly upset.
So, I tried to help her come up with ways for her to get the dress. Unfortunately, B didn’t budge. K ended up choosing a different dress at a different bridal shop that was just as beautiful.
Fast forward to Feb. of this year, I ask her to be my MOH & invite her dress shopping with my mom & I. I try on several dress at the first stores, but none of them were “the one.” So, we go to the store where she fell in love with the dress but didn’t get & I try on several dresses.
I knew I wanted to try on that dress just because. I didn’t think it would be a big deal because she ended up choosing another dress. The moment I put it on, I knew it was “the one.” I felt so beautiful & confident for the first time in YEARS.
K went to the restroom & my mom said I should talk to K to make sure she was alright. So, before we all went to dinner, I asked K “will you be mad if I choose this dress?” She said “I’d be a little jealous, but if that’s your dress you should get it.”
Two weeks later, I said “yes” & set up an appointment for her to get her MOH dress; I even offered to buy it for her because I wanted her to get a dress she wanted no matter the cost. After I said “yes,” she got extremely upset & ran into her dress room crying.
My smile immediately went away & everyone in the bridal shop could see. So, that night I went home after she ran out of the appointment & my mom paid for half of the dress. She texted me a few hours later saying “I’m sorry, you knew how much I wanted it for my wedding & it feels like a punch in the gut.”
She also said “it felt like a stab in the back.” I couldn’t stop crying. The next day we had a girls day because she didn’t have a bachelorette (that’s a whole different story) & we both apologized. We had a great day & I thought everything was fine.
J went silent for two months after that day. I texted her & basically asked her what’s going on. She said “based on how I was treated during my wedding planning & then you getting that dress, you don’t value our friendship.”
I was shocked. I honestly didn’t know what she meant by “how I was treated throughout my wedding process” & didn’t respond right away. The next day I texted her that what she said broke my heart & we needed to have a conversation, but I needed time to process everything.
A week later I asked K if she was still going to be MOH. I told her “I still want you to be, but if you don’t want to I’ll understand” & she responds “that sounds like you don’t want me to be…”
I said that was not the case, but I wouldn’t force her & I would respect her decision regardless. She basically ended up saying “I’m still going back & forth with it, but I’m leaning towards not being in your bridal party.”
Fast forward to weeks of trying to get together in person, we get together & talk. The conversation went…well I thought. I told her she’s no longer in the bridal party & my second MOH is taking over the role completely. K & I both said we want to stay in each other's lives.
One thing that K said that really pissed me off is that when i said cant go back in time & chose a different dress, she laughed & said “you could it would just be a lot of money lol”
I’ve been really going back & forth on this & adding so much stress to myself. So, am I the a$$hole?
Here were the top comments from readers:
'I knew I wanted to try on that dress just because.' Lol Alright.
INFO: You mention that she talked about how you treated her during wedding planning, and you mention that she didn’t have a bachelorette party - which typically would be the MOH/your job. What happened there?
The OP responded:
Unnecessary drama bc the bridesmaids didn’t want to pay me back for their parts, even tho we all agreed i would by the tickets/experience and they would pay me back. I unfortunately could t get my money back for anything. 1 of the bridesmaids didn’t even pay for her part and the bride ended up paying for her and i gave the money back to her for her honeymoon.
Comments continued.
I guess I’m just confused about why you tried it on in the first place. You saw how hurt she was that she couldn’t get that dress and you still made a point to try that one on, probably wasn’t the best decision.
I will say that I don’t think it was fair of you to ask her if she would be mad if you got it, since most people would say it’s fine just like she did. So saying that she initially said it was fine doesn’t hold water in my opinion.
Ultimately I think you knew this would hurt her deeply but you chose the dress and your day over your friend’s feelings. I think you either have to own up to that or get a new dress.
There must be millions of wedding dresses out there, and of all of them, that was the one you chose. I mean you can choose any dress you want of course but if it upset the person I called my best friend there is no way in hell I'd buy that dress for myself.
You were at her appointment and saw how disappointed she was not getting that dress... I just dont understand how a 'best friend' would even try on the dress her bestie wanted but couldn't get. Anyway, her reaction might be a little over the top but you were not a good friend.
The only conversation here would be if .. bride 1 bought a dress, bride 2 bought the same dress. In what world do you get to be upset that someone bought a dress the you DID NOT buy. Bride 1 settled for another dress. End of drama .
The OP then updated:
I’m going to go try on more dresses on Friday & see about getting a new dress. It’s definitely not going to make up for it bc i was a shit friend & I have to live with the consequences.