AITA for not wanting my nephew at my wedding?? Me (F27) and my fiancé (M28) are getting married in a few months. I've told my fiancé from the start that I didn't want any kids at our wedding, and he agreed.
We don't have any kids in our families, so that made it easy. We even put on our invitations that it was an adults only event. Our venue also only allows 5 children maximum, because children tend to break things accidentally.
Well, over a year into planning our wedding, my sister tells us she's having a baby 2 months before our wedding, and she jokingly asked if her baby was allowed. We said we would think about it, but ideally not. She's also standing in the wedding.
Last week she called and said she needed an answer now, even though her baby isn't due for a couple months.. and we said we didn't make a decision yet. We tried offering a few solutions, such as, getting a babysitter or her boyfriends parents watch him for the night as her and her boyfriend will probably want the night off.
Or that the baby can be there for family pictures, or tucked away during the ceremony in another room. She really wants him there because she wants everyone to meet the baby, and she doesn't feel comfortable leaving the baby with a sitter.
I told her ideally I didn't want him there, in case he started crying during the ceremony. And I don't feel like my wedding is the time and place for her to show off her new baby. I want everyone to enjoy the day and have fun. I also feel like she will hand off the baby to my mom, preventing my mom from fully enjoying the day.
The next day she texted me and said she was removing herself from the wedding party. I thanked her for being honest with me, and that I was understanding where she was coming from. I then asked her if that meant that she wasn't coming to the wedding at all? it’s been over a week and I got no reply.
I also explained that all I was requesting of her is to stand during the ceremony. She could show up 20 minutes before the ceremony and that’s fine. She then proceeded to not come to my bachelorette party that same week, claiming we were doing activities she couldn't do.
We went for a walk on the beach with coffee, out for lunch, and a painting class. I don't know if I'm over-reacting, as I don't have kids and don't want kids so, I have a hard time seeing this from her point of view.
NAH. You are within your right to have a child free wedding. But it is also reasonable for your sister to not want to be separated from her newborn infant for several hours. I agree that introducing a new baby at your wedding would draw attention away from the wedding celebration, but remember that while your wedding is huge for you.
It is perfectly normal for a pregnant woman to not be up for socializing, and her pregnancy and newborn child is every bit as huge for her. Your wedding doesn’t trump her child and her child doesn’t trump your wedding.
It sounds like this is just a case of bad timing. If you and your sister have had a good relationship until now, I hope you both make the effort to get past the timing issue. Your wedding is just one day. And her child will only be a newborn infant a very short time. You two have the rest of your lives to be good sisters.
NAH - Your wedding and you don't want any babies there. Fine. Your wedding, your choice. Your sister doesn't feel comfortable being separated from her newborn. Fine. Her baby, her choice. Its good that she stepped out as soon as she was sure that she wouldn't be able to be there.
NAH: I would absolutely not leave my baby without me for more than an hour or two at that age. A wedding they weren’t invited to, I just wouldn’t go. You don’t want a tiny baby that should be with their mom at your wedding.
The baby has a good mom that doesn’t want to leave them so they stepped down with plenty of notice. This seems like your sister is respecting your wishes. No problem here at all.
NAH. You are allowed to have a child free wedding, I did too and not a single regret! That said two months is really young and she’s not wrong to not want to leave him for an extended period at that age.
This isn’t about who is and who isn’t an AH - this is where your sister is feeling like she’s in a no win situation - and essentially being punished for having a baby. You’re worried the focus won’t 100% be on you. Now it’s your wedding, but really weddings are celebrations with family and friends. Your choice, but do you actually care about your sister?
And btw - if optics are what you care about and the focus being on you, don’t you think everyone’s going to be talking about you excluding your sister because she doesn’t want to abandon her newborn….. that’s how it will be interpreted no matter what ‘my day’ spin you put on it.