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'My husband wrote his ex a very sweet email the day before our wedding.' UPDATED 2X

'My husband wrote his ex a very sweet email the day before our wedding.' UPDATED 2X


"My husband wrote his ex a very sweet email the day before our wedding. I’m not sure how to feel about it."

We (f32, m39) have been married for a bit over a year but we have been dating for 7. Before me he had her(f39). They broke up because she wanted to get married and he didn’t. We share an IPad and usually he logs out from his gmail when he’s finished but yesterday he must’ve fallen asleep with the iPad because I found it under his nightstand.

The iPad was on the email, dated back to the day before our wedding. He wrote how this was really happening now. It’s finally daunting on him that it was really over between them. He’s finally getting married and moving on. He apologized for being ready now and not the same time as she was.

He wondered how their life together would have been and that whenever he saw her with her children he couldn’t help but feel they could’ve been his if he wasn’t stupid. and made him terribly sad. He’s scared of the unknown with me even if I made him happy and Again that he regretted that they weren’t on the same stage in life. And then some goodbye talk. She didn’t respond to him.

I don’t know what to feel now. I know the woman. She is a friend of his sister and we meet her a lot. She’s married and seems happy. I’m so jealous and I don’t know what to do or say.

Oof. What do you think she should do?

This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

Oh he’s still in love with her, and sorry he asked you on her wedding day but that should ring alarm bells

PearlDustAndLights said:

It’s suspicious to me that the iPad was on this email. I don’t know too many people that go back to reread an email they sent over a year ago.

Tasty_Doughnut_9226 said:

OP you need to tell him, explain you used the iPad it was left on his account, you weren't snooping and what you read. That you have been in turmoil since reading it has left you feeling however it is you feel. Betrayed that he felt he had to email her, that he's reading it so recently.

That you're not enough/second choice if he was reading it so recently. Angry, is your relationship a lie. Just trying to think how I would feel. If you don't talk to him it'll only fester. If he tries to deny it at all, he's gaslighting you and get out of Dodge

And Mountain_Monitor_262 said:

Keep seeing guys do this when getting married or having a baby. Always looking at the what ifs instead of what’s in front of them. But this message comes across that he was still rebounding after 7 years and it finally dawned on him to settle.

After reading the comments, she later followed up with this update:

I was curious about his proposal to me that was out of the blue since he told me he wasn’t ready yet and suddenly he popped the question. He was very down that period and I thought it wasn’t good between us but then when he proposed I thought to myself that “I was overthinking”. I love him so I said yes and was so happy. It happened a day after his ex got married (2 years ago).

I also remember that he was disappointed that she didn’t invite him and he told his sister “I thought we were better friends” I’m drowning in my tears now

And then, she shared this final update:

I made a decision. Thank you very much everyone. I went to bed and woke up to so many comments and I appreciate you all. I’m sorry I was being a b!tch in some comments I just felt triggered when a loser writes how they feel sorry for women like me when they admit to attracting loser men.

I guess I’m wrong (so so sorry) but I don’t know, it left a bad taste in my mouth having someone to brag about having multiple exes “not over them” anyway pettiness aside:

Anyway I have been crying all night but when I tried to collect myself and really think about why I was crying, he wasn’t even in top ten. I thought I loved him but I guess I didn’t. I cried for the years I spent on him. I cried because I the settled for him.

I cried so much because I should have gotten out of this relationship long time ago but every time I thought about leaving, I thought about “I’ve spent too many of my best years with him not to see it through”. I called my friend and asked if she wanted to take a morning walk and a coffee with me. I told her I was leaving my husband and her answer was “it’s about time”.

We talked about settling and spending years on something we knew deep down wasn’t right. I told her I thought I loved him more than this and she said it’s normal to try to convince ourselves we love someone we’re “stuck” with.

She told me I was too young to stay in an “ehh marriage” but not young enough to waste more years on him. So I’m telling him today that I want a divorce. This email may have been a blessing in disguise. For the both of us. Thanks for listening and have a great day.

Sources: Reddit
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