Woman leaves wedding and takes back gift; bride says, 'lady, I invite who I want.'

'AITA for leaving nephews wedding and taking gift?'

So yesterday was my nephews wedding. A few weeks ago at a family gathering the wedding came up and my daughter (11) asked my nephew, her cousin, if she was invited. They’re somewhat close given the age gap (he’s 25).

He told her it was an adults only wedding and although she was kind of disappointed she didn’t make a big deal but expressed again later privately that she was bummed out and hurt. We end up finding out my cousins daughter (15) also wasn’t invited, so at least we had a baby sitter.

Fast forward to the wedding, four other kids younger than mine are there. There’s a flower girl and a ring bearer so Ignore that, but then two other random people with elementary age kids.

So as I'm greeting my nephew and his wife and after giving congratulations I mention there’s a lot of kids here for a kid free wedding. He mentions that one of the kids the parents couldn’t find a babysitter and the other one was his wife's friend's kid that she’s really close with (wasn’t flower girl or ring bearer). So I mention to him that he’s pretty close with his cousins, is he not? He was kind of like sorry.

At that point the wife chimes in “it’s my wedding lady I decide who I want”. At that point I say that’s fine, if you want your friends kids here, but my nephew can’t have his cousins then you don’t need us or our gift either. Told husband what happened and we left.

Now my SIL is calling me the morning after saying I’m a disrespectful bitch and how dare I leave the wedding like that etc

I should clarify that no scene was caused, only my SIL has called me out or mentioned it, no one else probably even heard this brief conversation at the wedding, and my nephew was kind of apologetic in the moment.

I also want to add that if I knew in advance about the exceptions being made, I would have declined the invitation, explained why, and respected whatever they wanted to do from there. AITA?

Info from OP:

I respected the rules until I found out they weren’t being enforced for everyone, and then decided to leave as I felt it was disrespectful to my daughter, and to a degree my niece, who wanted to see their cousin married.

When I showed I up I saw they had lied about it being child free. If I knew the bride would have exceptions, and since my daughter wanted to go, I would have declined the invite in advance and not gone.

I prefer child-free weddings at the end of the day which is why i didn’t give my nephew an issue when he originally said no. It’s just the aftermath that caused the issue here, my daughter really did want to be there.

Because the couple expects a $500 gift, and a night of our lives, guests have a right to accurate information to make a decision on whether or not to attend.

I didn't make a scene. No one besides my SIL has even said anything or likely even heard the conversation.

Here's what people had to say:

sheramom4 writes:

You made a scene. The bride and groom were enjoying their day. It wasn't the time or place to bring it up. Say Congrats and move on or just leave quietly. You can mention the bride's comment back to you as much as you want but you started the inappropriate conversation first.

You started it and then got offended when the bride responded. SIL obviously heard it so I would bet others did as well. In the end, they didn't want your daughter there or they made accommodations for others. Your daughter had a sitter so you didn't need accommodations.

ZookeepergameOk1833 writes:

Guests have no rights. Host can invite whom they please. You do not get to be self-righteous about their event.

IndependentContest84 writes:

YTA, it's not your wedding and you don't control the wedding or guest list. Their wedding is about them not you.

OLAZ3000 writes:

YTA. Way to make it all about you. You obviously managed to find care for your daughter. It is up to the couple who they want there, I would not want to open the door to numerous children.

Their mistake was to make an exception -- but it's also their right. You making a big deal is just insane. The bride was a bit rude in the moment but she also probably had to deal with a lot of people thinking THEIR kid should be an exception.