'AITA not letting my stepdad be the 'father of the bride' at my wedding?'
"AITA not letting my stepdad be the 'father of the bride' at my wedding?"
Candid-Effective-384
When I got engaged I (24f) asked my mom if she would walk me down the aisle and have a mother/daughter dance during my reception. She enthusiastically said yes. We told my stepdad and he said he was happy for my mom.
He and my mom started dating when I was 6, he moved in when I was 9 and they got married when I was 10. When mom first started dating him she sat me down and told me he wasn't ever going to replace dad and that if he ever pressured me to do something I was uncomfortable with, like call him dad, I could tell her and she would nip it in the bud.
She made it clear our relationship didn't have to fit anyone else's mold and she reminded me of this when he moved in and again when they got married. She also asked for my feelings on things every step of the way and I liked my stepdad and cared about him, so it was easy to agree to him moving in and to them getting married.
I never called him dad or really thought of him as a dad figure. He was something different and it wasn't nothing but I'm not sure I would have a word to describe it. But we got along great. It was just never the same as my relationship with my mom.
I always dreamed of mom walking me down the aisle and dancing with me at my wedding. She was there and always put me first and we're our own team. But she also loved and never let him be just a piece of history I never knew anything about. I always appreciated that and her efforts to keep me involved in his family, or the good parts anyway lol.
A few weeks ago my stepdad's parents texted me with a weird comment about father of the bride's needing a little extra detail to go into their wedding suit. It came out of nowhere and I didn't reply because I honestly had no idea what it was about really.
A few days after that I saw them and they asked why he wasn't in rehearsal for our father/daughter dance. I told them there was nothing to rehearse and mom was dancing with me. I said my stepdad and I would dance at a different point on the day.
They said father of the bride is the dance not mother of the bride. I told them he wasn't going to have that traditional role. Another day then they mentioned it to me and I asked them why they kept bringing it up.
They said I should be ashamed and I humiliated my stepdad and he was so upset that he went to them. I spoke to my stepdad and he confirmed he went to his parents with the hope I would see the error of my ways and he didn't want to anger mom by saying something directly.
But he told me he deserved to be father of the bride and not stepfather of the bride. I told my mom what he did and she was furious. Of course my stepdad was upset with me but his parents were pissed and told me I ran to my mommy like a little girl instead of a woman. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
kiwi-sparkle
NTA. Your response should have been: What did they think of their son running to his parents like a little boy rather than dealing with it like a man?
The OP responded here:
Candid-Effective-384
They would probably claim it's so different because he was trying to keep my mom out of it. Which doesn't make it any better really. Great look to hide stuff like that from your spouse and go behind their back because you know they won't be happy.
Penelope_2023
They are mad you ran to mommy. (Checks my notes) he ran to his family to complain about you. You had every right to go to your mom. He is her problem. He can be sad but it is YOUR wedding his role is what YOU want. He needs to grow up and not run to his family that his step daughter was “mean”🙄 to him. If he wanted a different role he should have talked to you directly about it.
The OP again responded:
Candid-Effective-384
He knew mom would dislike him trying to take it from both of us. I still think it's not a great look to hide something like that from your spouse and work behind their backs like that.
Heloise_Morris
NTA I am sure your mother was less than pleased with this little pressure campaign by your stepfather and his minions but true to her word, when she was made aware, she nipped in the bud. Congratulations and have a wonderful wedding and happy marriage.
The OP returned again:
Candid-Effective-384
She was pissed and even mentioned the promise she made me back then. She was hoping after all this time it hadn't been needed. Little did we know that it was after I grew up and moved out that it would need to be carried through.
AnakinSkywalkerisfav
NTA, it's your wedding, your stepdad & his parents are wrong for trying to pressure you into dancing with your stepfather instead of your mom. And you didn't run to "mommy like a little girl," you informed her of the jacka$$3ry that was going on behind her back.
bamf1701
NTA. Wow, your stepfather and his parents are real pieces of works! They accuse you of running to your mother like a little girl.
But your stepfather, when he doesn't get what he wants, runs to his mommy and daddy and gets them to manipulate you and bad mouth you for him because he doesn't have the courage to talk to you himself (or the courage to face your mother's very rightful wrath)! The hypocrisy on their part is running fast and deep!