Woman refuses to attend friend's wedding because she intentionally chose her anniversary date. AITA?
'AITAH for telling my friend that I will not attend her wedding if she doesn’t change the date?'
onesteaminghotpotato
My husband and I got married around 6 years ago and my best friend (L) was my Maid of honor. Now L and her boyfriend (K) recently started talking about getting engaged and I started helping her wedding plan.
From the beginning she wanted November or December. I started helping her plan and I always said “you can have any day of the year but my wedding date” - she would laugh and say of course not.
Then K took too long to buy her ring (her words) and she moved her wedding to January. We talked about things she had to get done and how she was looking for dates and again I said “you can chose any date but my wedding anniversary”. She laughed and said she would never.
L texted me and asked me to go bridesmaids dress shopping (I am one of her bridesmaids), and she brought up that they moved the date. So I said again “any date but my wedding anniversary” and she replied “why do you have plans that day?”
And I said “yeah since it’s my anniversary date I will be celebrating”. L then states that “she thinks it would be so much fun if we shared a wedding date”. I told her absolutely not and I will not attend her wedding if she does not move it.
AITAH for telling her that I will not attend her wedding or be in her life if she does not change the date for her wedding?
She asked me what dates would and wouldn’t work and all I gave her was my anniversary dates. She said she would never pick those anyways. (Sorry on top I made it sound like I was just throwing the dates out)
She said the following weekend was available as well. And from what she said her family will attend it any day. Also, my wedding was February. She said December or January. She could also do March or April. There were other dates later on.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Then_Violinist1722
I would normally say Y T A because you can’t gate-keep a date, but I’m gonna go with NTA because it seems like it was intentionally done to upset OP. There was an opening at the venue the next week and the friend wouldn’t take that, even after saying multiple times that she would never schedule her wedding on OP’s wedding date.
It just seems very odd. OP, why did you feel like you needed to specify so many times that she shouldn’t take your date? Has she done weird things like this in the past?
The OP responded here:
onesteaminghotpotato
Not to this extreme. She just would do little things that seemed off. I repeated it with my date because I know she has done it to other people. Like putting things in their dates. She planned stuff over my birthday before and asked if I would be mad.
lowkeyhobi
Why are you friends with such a person?
The OP again responded:
onesteaminghotpotato
We have been friends for years and she is a sweet person usually. She goes all out for friends. Like she is a good friend when she wants to be.
I just think since she’s been with her boyfriend/fiancé she has not been.
Material_Cellist4133
A sweet person doesn’t do that…only a manipulative and malicious person does that…
It’s one thing if it happens once in awhile. But happens all the time - making it malicious in nature.
The OP returned again:
onesteaminghotpotato
Maybe you’re right. It’s just hard to think that someone would do that to a person they call their friend.
SnooWords4839
NTA - Schedule a weekend trip for your anniversary and tell her to have a great wedding. When she asks you why you won't be there, tell her you told her you will be celebrating your anniversary.