'AITA for refusing to let my sister wear my wedding dress even though I never actually wore it?'
"AITA for refusing to let my sister wear my wedding dress even though I never actually wore it?"
I (28F) was 15wks pregnant when lost my fiancé. He had been in an accident at his bachelor party and experienced a TBI. He was in a coma for a while, but it was pretty clear immediately after the accident that he likely wouldn’t recover at all.
I was obviously heartbroken for a lot of reasons, but something that particularly haunted me was feeling like our child would never have anything from their father. He wasn’t very materialistic, so I didn’t really have any sentimental items of his to pass on.
The only thing I have is my dress. It’s not traditional, but he picked the wedding dress. We saw it when we were at a second hand shop looking for cheap furniture. He said that when he imagined our wedding, he imagined me in a dress like that one. My mother-in-law had it preserved for me after his funeral and I decided that when my child got old enough, it would be theirs.
The baby is a boy (he’s 4 now), so I don’t think he’ll be wearing the dress, but if he does that’s fine lol. If he gets engaged to someone and that person wants to wear it, I’d be alright with that too.
My sister Faith (25F) is getting married in the fall. She called me a few days ago and asked if she would be able to wear my dress for her wedding. I explained to her why I wasn’t comfortable with letting her use it, as I plan to pass it down to my son since his father chose it.
She said that she doubted my son would ever actually wear the thing and that I’m doing my fiancé an injustice by letting the dress he picked sit in a box collecting dust. I told her again that I wouldn’t be letting her borrow it and then hung up.
Our mom called me and said that my sister is hurt because she had her heart set on that dress, and she wanted to share this special moment with me. I said that I’d be willing to go dress shopping with her and we can have a special moment then, but my mother told me that I’m being selfish and that I should be happy that someone will actually get to walk down the aisle in my dress. Still though, I told her I wasn’t changing my mind.
Most of my family is saying it’s unfortunate I never got to wear it, but that I should be happy my sister wants to. I’m not really second guessing my decision but I am feeling a little guilty about it. I just want some unbiased opinions on this.
Later, the post was edited to include:
When we were going through the wedding preparations, my sister was there when I tried on the dress after it was altered. She's into vintage fashion, and she said she really loved the style of the dress and pointed out that it was probably worth more than my fiancé paid for it.
It's possible that the driving factor behind her having 'her heart set on it' is because it happens to fit into her interests, but I don't know. Also, my son and I visit my MIL almost every weekend, so I might just bring the dress over there with me and ask her to keep it for me.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
devilsrejext said:
NTA. I think what you are saving that dress for is beautiful in itself. I’m sure your child will think so too when he’s older. There are millions of wedding dresses to choose from. She doesn’t need that one.
CrystalQueen3000 said:
NTA. She should never have asked to wear it. I don’t understand why she even thought it was appropriate, of course you don’t want someone wearing something with such emotion attached to it.. Also your mom's comment was awful. She also gets as*hole points.
McflyThrowaway01 said:
I feel like you under reacted to your mother saying, 'You should be happy that someone will actually get to walk down the aisle in your dress.' WTF? THOSE WORDS RIGHT THERE WOULD SEVER THE RELATIONSHIP I HAD WITH MY MOTHER.
I would have replied 'I should be happy? Is that your justification to let her use my dress, because it hasn't been worn due to my fiance dying? He picked that for me to wear, but because he died, I should just hand it over? He got me pregnant before he died as well, if sis can't have kids, should I just hand over my son too?'
Your sister 4 years ago saw your loss as your gain, and she could ask about the dress, but the fact that she refused to respect your answer and employed your mom to take it further shows that she doesn't give two shits about you, your fiance, your son, or your loss. You need to hide that at your MIL's home somewhere. Your sister and mother would totally steal it. NTA.
Gypsy-Nyx said:
NTA. I think your reasoning is beautiful. I think your sister and mother are being cheap.. they may have to alter the dress so it fits your sister better I do not know. And then it would not be the dress that your fiancee had picked out.
Personally so they can't steal the dress anyway I've would asked your mother-in-law to hold on to the dress for a little while. Maybe I've just read too many of these stories where that has happened.
NotCreativeAtAll16 said:
NTA. Your sister had her heart set on a free dress. You bought the dress - you are free to do with it what you want. If you want to save it for your son (or his future partner) you can do that.
I actually think that's a lovely idea. The dress isn't upset that it hasn't been worn down the aisle. Actually, how are we to know that it hasn't already been worn, since you bought it at a thrift shop?