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Woman rejects bridesmaid role in brother's wedding to prioritize career; AITA?

Woman rejects bridesmaid role in brother's wedding to prioritize career; AITA?


Watching your brother get married is a once-in-a-lifetime event, but expecting your sister to drop her career obligations to stand for ten minutes in a blush gown is also unrealistic...

So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's Am I the As*hole about some family drama surrounding her brother's wedding, people were ready to help.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for declining to be a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding?

My brother Harold is engaged to Lillian and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I politely declined and explained why I couldn't. Harold and Lillian are extremely unhappy with my decision.

I'm a fire marshal. I know it's called different things in different countries - my office investigates fires. Since fires don't just happen from Monday to Friday during business hours, I work all different shifts including overnight and on weekends.

When Harold and Lillian announced their wedding date (shortly after the engagement and long before I was asked to be a bridesmaid) I checked my work schedule.

My schedule is rotating and goes in a pattern so I can see it years in advance. I was scheduled to work on the day of the wedding. I arranged to switch with another marshal so I'm not working the day of the wedding.

I've made sure I don't have to work and can attend the wedding and reception, otherwise that I'd be starting work before the ceremony starts and not finishing until after the reception ends.

To be a bridesmaid I would be expected to go to Lillian's dress appointments, to go on the group shopping trip to purchase the bridesmaid dresses, to help put together, host and clean up at the bridal shower, to go to the hair and makeup trial appointment, to help plan and go to the bachelorette party, to assist with things like making the centerpieces and decorating the reception room, to go to the the wedding rehearsal and dinner and more.

Lilian has been up front about the commitment she wants. However with my work schedule I can't possibly do all that. The dates and times for those aren't set and have to work around Lillian's schedule foremost.

I asked Lillian if I could be a bridesmaid and just go to the wedding and nothing else. She said no. She wants her bridesmaids committed to those things.

My sister asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I couldn't do it for similar to reasons, on top of being in the middle of the biggest case of my career in the lead up to her wedding.

My sister understood and didn't flip out like Lillian and Harold did. I explained the same things I did to my sister back then to both Lillian and Harold and also reminded Harold that I wasn't able to be a bridesmaid for our sister.

I thanked Lillian for asking for me and because I was trying to make up for not being able to be a bridesmaid I offered to pay for Lillian's hair and makeup separately from my gift.

Harold and Lillian said that's not good enough and said I'm exaggerating my work situation. They want me to change my mind. Both of them are self-employed and control their own work schedules.

Harold said I should just leave early or not go to work but if there's a fire or investigation that's not how it works and I can't just leave. I didn't think politely declining would be a big deal but Harold and Lillian flipped out and other people are getting involved and saying I was wrong. Now I'm not sure because I'm getting so much pushback.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this bridal dilemma...

HurricaneBells said:

NTA. Not your fault that they are incapable of understanding the world does not revolve around them.

DrinkBrassMonkey86 said:

Dodged that one. Whole thing would've been a nightmare no doubt.

Usrname52 said:

NTA. She doesn't want a bridesmaid, she wants free labor. Even if you committed to the things she asked, she'd find more. The fact that they are completely unwilling to compromise means they don't actually care about having you in the wedding party...they want an extra person to set stuff up and to pay for bachelorette/bridal shower things.

RoyallyOakie said: are unable to meet the level of commitment needed and know that. This is much better than disappointing the bride continually in the upcoming months. If they're this unreasonable about you declining, it would likely be a nightmare experience accepting.

MissIllusion said:

NTA - despite having very valid reasons you actually aren't obligated to be a bridesmaid if you don't want to be. I wouldn't commit to that level of responsibility for someone else's wedding.

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this Fire Marshal isn't wrong to reject the responsibilities and expectations of being a bridesmaid as her current career doesn't allow it. Someone needs to tell this couple that there are unfortunately things more important than their wedding happening in the world. Good luck, everyone.

Sources: Reddit
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