Woman says fiancé's female best friend is intentionally ruining her wedding. AITA?
"AITA for getting upset with my fiance over his girl best friend affecting our wedding plans?"
My fiance and I are getting married next year. I've had my eyes set on an extremely competitive venue in October. There is only 1 available day for us that works for my family, and it happens to fall on his female best friend’s birthday.
There are several reasons as to why I’m dead set on October. I have always dreamed of a fall wedding. September is difficult for me because it is when my brother passed, and November doesn’t really work with our family’s travel schedules.
My issue is more with how my fiancé approached the issue of his friend's birthday and the potential wedding date overlapping rather than him not wanting those on the same day.
Instead of asking me if there is any way we can compromise (which, really there isn't but I’d appreciate that thought), he went off on me saying that it’s Veronica's birthday and “I know that.” and that I “can't be upset” when he puts off celebrating our anniversary for her birthday.
It felt like he was accusing me of purposefully plotting to … stop them from celebrating together?
This died down a bit and then I was talking about the guest meals. I spoke with the planner and she suggested that, to help with costs, the bride and groom will be served fish (I am pescatarian), along with select family members who are pescatarian, and everyone else will be served chicken.
I have all the fish eaters together so people don’t feel confused or offended by them being offered different, somewhat cheaper food. He then argued with me that Veronica loves fish, and I should put her down for fish as well.
I told him I didn’t want guests to be upset at her getting fish while sitting with other guests and them not having the option. If it was dietary it would be different, but he says no, Veronica is a picky eater and that's essentially the same as not eating chicken by choice for health/ethic reasons.
It felt like I was walking on eggshells as we kept getting into fights about Veronica and our wedding. He told me that he was talking about our cake in a group chat of his and she wanted him to suggest a different flavor combo to me since she said a wedding she went to prior had the same and she did not like it.
I flipped out for once and just screamed that it’s OUR, MY, wedding- me and him, NOT her's. It's okay to have opinions but her's literally do not matter this one singular time.
He told me I was out of line and had a clear dislike for Veronica despite her trying to be helpful and I am bitter of their friendship. He left and hasn’t told me where he is staying, and he won’t be coming home until I admit fault and promise to be “more accepting” of his female friend(s).
I honestly try my best to be nice despite how rudely she treats me. She basically flat out ignores me. Our friends seem to not want to get involved. I expected them to have my back and now I'm questioning if I'm crazy (and an Ahole).
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. He's absolutely in love with her. End this relationship and get back what money you can. Idk why he's not just with her, but you will never be more important than her. Especially if he's willing to celebrate her birthday over your wedding anniversary?
Girl... Cut your losses. Pack up and leave or pack his stuff up and go NC. He's using you and trying to control you. And you deserve better.
Probably because Veronica didn’t want to be with him. I bet if she did, he would go to her in an instant. I know men and women can be close friends, but I find more often than not, the man is pining over the woman or waiting to shoot his shot. Not always, but often.
You’re NTA. Usually I try to tell people to be supportive of their partners friendships, but this one is sitting badly with me. It’s not a healthy dynamic all around. She is openly hostile toward you, you don’t like her, and he consistently sides with her and doesn’t do anything to back you up or call out his friend’s behaviour toward you, only yours.
He’s literally telling you in a number of ways that she holds a higher priority in his life than you and always will. From the way he values her opinions more than yours, all the way to him flat out telling you if your wedding anniversary is on her birthday, he would choose to celebrate her birthday as the priority every year, and your wedding anniversary would always come second to that.
Meanwhile his response to having an argument with you is to take off, not tell you where he’s going, staying away and making his return contingent on you taking the entire blame for the conflict.
This man is not marriage material, maybe neither of you are at this time and these issues will only escalate after the wedding. I don’t think it’s hard to guess who’s house he’s at right now.
NTA -- 'he went off on me saying that it’s Veronica's birthday and that I 'can't be upset' when he puts off celebrating our anniversary for her birthday.' You're not even married, and he's already told you he's going to prioritize V's birthdays over your anniversaries. DON'T MARRY HIM.
Oh, sweetheart, run. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Your fiance is in love with Veronica. This is Charles and Camilla, and you're Diana. You will be miserable if you marry this person. NTA