Woman shuts down brother's GF about 'competing' weddings, 'let's see if you're together.'

There's nothing quite like the strangely specific jealousy that people can project on you when you're planning a wedding. Some people can't help but make other people's weddings about their own relationship insecurities.

Sadly, dealing with someone else's relationship projections is like navigating a hall of funhouse mirrors. There's no clear escape from the conversation that doesn't involve metaphorically bonking your head, hitting some glass, or spinning in endless conversational circles.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for snapping at her brother's girlfriend after she kept centering herself in wedding conversations.

She wrote:

AITA for saying my brother and his girlfriend may not make it?

I (30F) met my fiancé, Ella (30F), in September of 2018. We got engaged in January and have been planning our wedding for 2024. We plan to get married on our 6-year anniversary. It’s a date that all the most important people in our life have available and it also just means so much to us. My brother, Mark (25M) has been dating his girlfriend, Iris (24F) since September of 2022.

They have moved pretty quickly, moving in together already and seriously discussing the future. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this, just again setting the stage here a bit. When I mentioned to Iris my wedding date, she got a little weirded out and said “That’s our 2 year”. I pointed out that their anniversary is 2 weeks prior to mine and Ella’s. She acted like she was fine with that.

As we’re still a little far out, not much planning has been done outside booking the venue. However, I have subscribed to a few bridal magazines, just to get ideas. Ella and I are big “dream board” people, so it’s fun for us to try to figure out exactly what we want. Mark and Iris came over on Sunday.

She spotted the magazines and began flipping through one. Iris kept making comments saying “I don’t know if we’ll be in town that week (meaning my wedding).” Mark said they would be. Iris asked “Don’t you want to do something special for our anniversary?” Again, we all pointed out that their anniversary is two weeks before mine and Ella’s.

Unless they plan some luxury vacation, they’re going to be back in time. Iris then turned to me and said “If Mark proposes to me within the next year, we’ll be getting married on our anniversary. It’ll be hard for the families to come up for two weddings in 1 month”. Mark and I attended the same university, a good amount of distance away from our hometown.

Most of our family still lives there. They all plan to come to my wedding. Honestly, I didn’t really feel threatened by this, which I know is what Iris wanted. I simply smiled and said “If you’re still together, then we’ll see how that pans out.” Iris sat up straight and asked “What is that supposed to mean?”

I said “Honey, you’ve been together 7 months. Not saying you can’t know he’s the one, but I’m not going to change the date for someone who may not even be around next year.” Iris got very quiet and didn’t speak for a half hour. The conversation shifted to something else.

Eventually, she got up and said she was going outside to smoke. Mark got a text not long after and went outside. Ella and I could hear arguing. Mark came back in and said that Ella was leaving. I understood why. Iris, however, has texted me several times saying I’m invalidating her and Mark’s relationship. Mark has said while he understands my point, I didn’t have to say that. AITA?

The jury of the internet quickly adjourned.

Sarissa32 wrote:

NTA and...wow. Not even dating for a year and she's trying to 'claim' your wedding date? That's bizarre behavior.

jrm1102 wrote:

NTA - Ya know what, you were completely justified in putting her in her place. Given Mark’s (lack of) reaction… you’re probably right too.

ImpressionAcademic wrote:

NTA. She was fishing for a confrontation.

anonymousreader7300 wrote:

NTA. Iris seems like one of those people who always want everything to be about them. She was fishing for a fight by saying all the stuff about her “anniversary” when they haven’t even been together for a year.

You responded in kind. I don’t think there was anything wrong with it. If she continued to behave this way, I’d uninvite her from the wedding. No need to have someone who is just trying their best to steal the spotlight. Would not be surprised if she got your brother to propose to her either on the day of the wedding or before the wedding and then announced the engagement at your wedding. Be careful OP.

brandnewsquirrel wrote:

NTA. She was trying to cause issues...in some way, she is jealous of you and your brother being close and trying to mark her territory...so weird.

Iris is quite obviously TA here, and it seems likely she won't be in Mark's life long.