Woman snaps at sister over beach wedding that 'isn't accessible' for disabled niece.

Being treated thoughtlessly by a stranger is to be expected, but being treated like you're disposable by a family member who claims to love you has a special sting.

There's something about the stress and theater of weddings that can bring out people's true priorities in the ugliest of ways. Any seemingly hidden ableism, homophobia, or looks-based discrimination seems to leap out of people during wedding arrangements.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for yelling at her sister for not making her wedding wheelchair accessible for her disabled niece.

She wrote:

AITA for calling out my sister for not making her wedding accessibility friendly for FAMILY?

For context, I (34F) am a single mom to my daughter Mia (8F). Mia has been disabled since the day she was born and needs wheelchair assistance and constant care whenever she is awake.

I absolutely love her to death and it’s only been us during this entire journey, so I’m super protective of my little girl. I also have a sister Cassidy (28F) who just called me about the logistics/plan for her wedding in six months to her fiancé Max (27M).

She said the wedding was going to be at a beach near our city, and it will completely be held in the sand: basically a 35-person ceremony right by the water followed by a bonfire and barbecue also in the sand.

She said she just wanted to let me know before she sent the official invite because of Mia. I truly have never been more shocked and disappointed in my sister.

You would think she would at least check in with me before she reserved the beach space because Mia obviously can’t come. And now she’s only telling me because it’s set in stone and there’s nothing she can change.

I tried explaining how hurtful this is to Mia because Mia loves her auntie, but she’ll be absolutely heartbroken not being able to attend the wedding.

It’s already so difficult raising a child with disabilities without a partner, but when even family is this inconsiderate and cruel, it’s truly the worst feeling.

Cassidy started deflecting saying her and Max checked to make sure the beach had a sand friendly wheelchair for me to rent ($110/day) … the audacity to ask your guests to be paying just to make it to the event (she knows I cannot afford this).

Then she said how she will not change the location because her and Max met on this very beach and it has been their dream ever since to get married here after they also got engaged here.

When I suggested she pay for the rental, she kept saying how her and Max already had to cut so much out of their budget and plans because they also can’t afford much.

Like you’re already paying for a whole wedding, but can’t afford a rental for your FAMILY to come?

I was talking to some moms of children with disabilities and they all agree that it sounds like Cassidy doesn’t even want Mia there and is using all of this as an excuse.

I’m thinking about just telling her that we won’t be attending her wedding and supporting a person who’s inconsiderate to her own family. So AITA?

People did not hold back their thoughts and feelings on this one.

stannenb wrote:

She said how she will not change the location because her and Max met on this very beach and it has been their dream ever since to get married here after they also got engaged here.

So Cassidy and Max picked a location for their wedding that has a deep emotional meaning to them.

'Her and Max checked to make sure the beach had a sand-friendly wheelchair'

And ensured that there were accommodations that would allow Mia to attend.

'When I suggested she pay for the rental,'

So this dispute is really 'My sister won't pay $110 for a wheelchair for Mia to attend.'

YTA.

starchy2ber wrote:

Completely fair for them to want a beach wedding. But good hosts make reasonable accommodations for guests. If I invited a guest with celiac, I'd definitely pay extra for a safe meal for them.

I wouldn't expect them to pay for their own meal or bring food. Why can't the bride, OP, and the grandparents all pitch in for the special wheelchair rental? At least that shows some caring and consideration on the part of the bride.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. ESH.

TrueJackassWhisperer wrote:

YTA. Your daughter is not excluded. They checked for a wheelchair option. Your life may revolve around your disabled daughter, but you can't seriously expect your sister's to. She's got her own life to live.

stoopidsheeple wrote:

Sigh. I hate to say this, but YTA. Sorry, but they want to get married on this beach and this day is about them. They checked to make sure there was a beach-accessible wheel chair that could be rented, so Mia can come.

As her parent, it's your job to make that happen if you want her to attend. It's THEIR WEDDING. Not yours, not Mia's. However, if you believe that she's truly doing this because she doesn't want Mia there, then you should obviously choose not to go.

But it's not HER responsibility to pay for your daughter's needs.

Robert_Rufus_Feline wrote:

YTA. I understand that Mia is the center of your world, but she is not the center of this wedding. The bride and groom have a location that is very significant to them. They want to get married at that location.

That's far more important in the context of this wedding than whether the location is ideal for your daughter. It's disappointing that the location they wanted was not more accessible, but it's very understandable why they want this location.

There is an accessibility option. You can see if the bride/groom or your family would be willing to help with the cost. If not, 8-year-olds don't generally enjoy weddings anyway, even if they love the bride and groom.

Adults often project that hurt onto kids, but kids view weddings differently (as a long, boring day).

My 6-year-old niece reminds me regularly that while she loves me and is happy to be in my wedding, 'kids mostly hate weddings', so there's definitely a cap on how excited she's going to get.

And if neither of those are good options, I am sure your sister would understand if you could not make it. Caring for your special needs child is an excellent reason to be unable to make a wedding.

But the bride and groom are not AH for wanting to hold their wedding at a location that is significant TO THEM and their relationship. They are the center of this wedding, and their wishes take priority over just about everything else.

DaddyLonggLegss wrote:

I hate to say this, but YTA.

Mainly because you are making this completely personal and making it seem like your sister planned this whole thing to ensure that your daughter wouldn’t be able to attend, and then being angry because she wouldn’t plan around you/your daughter and because she won’t pay for the accommodations that you need.

Your sister discussed it with you prior to sending official invites. She is not obligated to plan her wedding around your child. Also, she is not obligated to pay for accommodations.

Pretty sure Mia will only be hurt and think she wasn’t wanted at the wedding, if that is what you convey to her.

You have the right to decline the wedding invite, but you don’t really have the right to vilify your sister.

It’s a tough situation OP, and it sounds like your day to day can be difficult, but it doesn’t really sound like your sister is the villain you’re convincing yourself that she is.

hairyazol wrote:

You have 6 months to save 110, you can surely save 5 dollars a week. Her wedding doesn't resolve around you or your daughter. She even made sure there is a sand friendly wheelchair available for her. Anything else above that is on you.

Clearly, OP did not receive the feedback she expected. Hopefully, she's able to shift her perspective and gather together that $110.