'AITA for not wanting to make a wedding cake for my stepsister?' UPDATED
"AITA for not wanting to make a wedding cake for my stepsister?"
I (20F) and my Step-sister 'Clara' (28F) never had any problems before. We stayed civil with each other, mostly because we actually don't interact that much so there's no room for fights since we just don't see often. Until now.
She's getting married in a couple of days, and my BIL asked me for something a week ago: a cake. I do cakes and sell them, but not for a living, just so I can get a little bit more of money to pay for my college, so I don't have experience doing such big cakes for big events.
BIL told me it's not a big wedding, so I don't have to worry, it's a decently sized cake for at least 80 people. Still big but something I can manage. So I said yes.
I sent Clara a message asking for specifications and she replied with screenshots of cakes from pinterest. Nothing more. I had to push her further so she can give me exact ideas for the cake since all her replies to my questions were 'It's literally in the images I sent, can't you see?'
Whatever. Days passed and I sent her a quick sketch of the cake and she didn't reply. Another day passed and I sent a image of all the things I bought for the cake so she can tell me if that's the things she asked for, but again, nothing.
So, I then told her how much it would cost to make the cake and that if she can please pay me half now, so she can pay the other half later. And this time I did got an answer. A call.
She was fuming and demanding an explanation of why I'm charging her for the cake, practically yelling at me. I was confused by her reaction, and I had to explain to her that it's literally my job, and that I already bought all the things for her cake so all I'm asking is for half of the payment.
She said that how DARE I charge her for a cake for her special day, that family does things for eachother without expecting something back, and more BS like that. Long story short: she's not paying for s#*t, and she made sure to make it very clear that she's not giving me a single penny.
Yesterday she called me again and asked me how her cake was coming along. I told her I'm not doing anything since she's not paying, so if she wants a cake she can ask someone else.
She yelled and cried, saying I'm a selfish b*%$h, that I don't care about her and there's no time for her to get another person, so to please stop being a b*#$h and help her out. I laughed at her and hung up.
Later, my dad called and told me that I'm an a**hole for laughing at Clara when she's in distress, and that I should just make a stupid cake so she can stop complaining about me.
I admit, I actually CAN do her cake since I already have the things, so that got me thinking that, well, maybe I'm being a salty a**hole. I can do her cake, I have the things already bought and her sketch made, so I don't lose anything. My mom told me the exact same, and I'm genuinely starting to think that I might be an a**hole here. So, I ask you. Am I the a**$ole?
Here were the top rated comments after this first post:
NTA and I'd tell your parents they should be ashamed of themselves for pushing you to let yourself be treated badly and taken advantage of.
The OP responded here:
I think that's what it hurt me most. They keep saying it's not a big deal and it's getting in my mind so deep that I'm starting to feel bad. They kept dismissing my job but when I told them that thanks for some 'stupid cakes' they no longer have to spent thousands on my college and they finally stopped pushing.
What isn’t a big deal? Next semester’s tuition? Your time? Your skills? How about your relationship and reputation with the rest of the family? Or is it just your feelings? Those don’t matter in the end. Which of these things that she destroyed shouldn’t matter to you?
The OP responded again:
Actually, I don't even care atp. Only when I told my dad that the money I spent on her cake was for paying my college it's when they said they'll talk with Clara but after that I just got kicked out of the family group and guests list so...😬 Her problem not going to lie.
Clara sounds like a nightmare. Tell BIL that you'll make the cake for his next wedding. NTA.
The OP again responded back:
Actually he's really nice. He overheard the fight I had with Clara an apologized for her behavior and he's willing to pay for the cake. I said that I appreciate his kindness but I don't feel comfortable doing Clara's cake because all the awful things she said about me.
He's currently looking for another baker while Clara keeps telling everyone that I'M doing HER cake because she's definitely not accepting that for her own fault she's not getting a cake from me. I feel pity for BIL not going to lie.
6 days later, after comments continued to stream in, the OP decided to provide a full update.
So I posted here not too long ago and I feel it's important to update all of you! I stood my ground and refused to do the cake. I actually made some cupcakes using Clara's cake decoration and turned it into graduation ones for my friends and their classmates.
I posted it on ig yesterday and some family members blocked me because of it (mind to say there was a photo of two of my friends faking a proposal using one cupcake as the ring, and I posted it with a caption that said 'At least these two are getting a wedding dessert from me'. Petty, I know)
Also, because yesterday was the wedding and, since I was no longer invited, I spent the day with my friends and later some uncles and cousins told me I should've been respectful and stayed home that evening. Stupid? Yes, did I tell them that? Of course! That's why they blocked me or straight up ignored me. The important thing here: there was no cake at Clara's wedding.
Guests who aren't from the family asked why there wasn't a cake and they made up a lot of things, such as 'Oh, we just don't want a cake' and 'The cake got accidentally destroyed when it was getting sent here', and they even tried to imply that Clara was pregnant by saying something along the lines of Clara getting nauseous over the idea of fondant so that's why there's no cake.
Anyway, the situation thankfully de-escalated and now everyone is calmed. I haven't been reached out about the cake (besides the cupcake thing), but my cousin told me that some people were mad because I didn't showed up with the cake. Like? I was uninvited, how tf they wanted me to show up and also with a free cake?! They're delulu just like Clara.
BIL was so ashamed because of the lies Clara said about the cake and confessed to me he's only one day into the marriage and he is already thinking of divorce. I actually feel bad and told him that I got his back with whatever decision he makes.
So, that's all for this update! Thank you so much everyone for their words in my first post, it was really funny to see revenge ideas, and also a relief to see non-biased opinions on this situation since everyone was siding with Clara, and I was so close to surrender and make the cake.
Actually, when I first posted I was preparing some flour and mix thinking 'this is it', but then tons of people telling me not to fall into the gaslight and manipulation of Clara got me rethinking my decision and immediately stopped. Thank you so much everyone. I'm gonna post again the day BIL divorces Clara haha!
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
'Also because yesterday was the wedding and, I wasn't invited, I spent the day with my friends and later some uncles and cousins told me I should've been respectful and stayed the evening at home. Stupid? Yes, did I tell them that? Of course! That's why they blocked me or straight up ignored me.'
'Listen, the respectful thing to do in this situation is to stay at home and pretend to be depressed. It's just disrespectful to the person who uninvited you to have fun instead.' This family...
How does asking for a discount for a wedding dress because the customer is getting married make a lick of sense?
'Oh, well of course you can get a discount! So rare to have a bride-to-be in a shop like this; most of my clientele get the dresses for filming period dramas or elaborate practical jokes!'
Loved the pettiness of having a couple 'proposal' using a cupcake as the ring and following it up with a text that said: 'At least these two are getting a wedding dessert from me'.
Haha I love that the post is tagged 'ongoing' since OOP said she'll update when the divorce happens.
OP right there being Petty Crocker and I love it.