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'AITA for not allowing my half-sister to wear my mom's veil for her wedding?'

'AITA for not allowing my half-sister to wear my mom's veil for her wedding?'


"AITA for not allowing my half-sister to wear my mom's veil for her wedding when I wore it for mine?"

My half sister is not my mom's daughter. She is my dad's daughter from his remarriage after my mom died. She's 20f and I'm 30f. She's getting married in a few months and asked me for the veil for her wedding day. She told me she thought it would be nice to have something borrowed, and to maybe start a tradition of passing it through the family.

I told her I wasn't comfortable with her wearing it since it was my mom's veil, since she's not my mom's daughter or stepdaughter. She told me she's still my sister and I should see it as sharing an important and sentimental piece of my wedding with her for her wedding. That I would get it back that night if it was important but it would mean a lot to her.

It still didn't sit right with me so I said no. She asked our brother (my full, her half) and he said he did feel that way and he didn't think mom would have liked to see her wear it. He also told her mom would have twisted in her grave if we did give it to her after her mom tried to commandeer it when she married our dad and given she never got over that, she'd probably try to wear it as well.

She asked him why that would be such a horrendous thing and he said because because her mom is nothing to our mom. Half sister responded that she's our half sister so something to our mom and he told her not really. When she got nowhere with him she came back to me and told me she would do anything to wear it.

She told me she knows we don't see her as a full sister but it would mean so much to her if I could share with her something that means so much to me.

I still said no. She called me a bitch. Then my dad called me up and asked me why we were so against sharing the veil. He said my half sister is not his wife, and that neither of them were outright wrong for wanting it.

He said my half sister adores me and my brother, and that we are telling her she's not good enough to wear our mom's veil and not important enough for us to share it with her. He said it's not the kind of thing anyone wants to be able to say about their kids. AITA for not allowing her to wear it?


Curious-One4595 says:

YTA. Loaning it to her for the wedding would have been an act of kindness and inclusion. You don’t really seem to have much of the former or any desire for the latter.

Existing_Letter_4022 OP says:

Not with my mother's veil. That is something too special and feels weird to share with my half sister who is not related to my mom.

IslaStacks says:

ESH maybe she wants to wear it bc of the connection to you. you are her big sister and seems she wants to wear the veil her sister wore. she went about it the wrong way and so did you.

Existing_Letter_4022 OP says:

That's what she said and I do believe that is the likely reason.

NixKlappt-Reddit says:

YTA. In general it's fine that you don't want to give her the veil. It's a sentimental memory to your dead mother and there would be the risk, that it will be damaged. But that was not your main reason to deny it. You gave her the feeling, that she isn't a full sibling to you.

She wants any sign of love from you. And you are rejecting her. And that's why you are an AH. Are you jealous of your little sister?

Existing_Letter_4022 OP says:

I am not jealous of her. I never was jealous of her. But she's not my full sibling. I never felt like she was.

Primary-Criticism929 says:

NTA. It's your veil now. If you don't want to share it with her, don't. I guess pushy and inappropriate is family trait if her mother try to get the veil for her own wedding to your father (which is so much worst than your sister asking for it).

Existing_Letter_4022 OP says:

I agree 100%. It still angers me how forcefully she tried to get it too. Going as far as showing up at my grandparents house (who kept it for me per mom's wishes) to try and demand it claiming it was hers now. That stuff will never sit right with me. I don't think my mom would have ever wanted it to be worn by someone who wasn't part of her family.

Anniemaniac says:

NTA. It’s bizarre to me that she’s so fixated on the veil. Seems like a bit of a power play if I’m honest. I wonder if her mum has something to do with it.

Sources: Reddit
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