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Woman's cousin bails on her wedding because she found one that will be 'more fun.' AITA?

Woman's cousin bails on her wedding because she found one that will be 'more fun.' AITA?

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'AITA for expressing sadness over my cousin choosing an acquaintance's wedding over mine just because it was more 'fun' ?'

Efficient_Ball_3381

Hi this is my first reddit post so please ignore if I make any mistakes.

So, I (29f) got married November of last year. We are Indian and I do not have a large family as per Indian standards and hence the guest list in my wedding was pretty limited. About 18 months before my wedding my only female cousin (27f) who I have grown up with, let's call her Sara, had traveled to Belgium to study.

When my wedding date was finalized my aunt told my mom that Sara won't be attending as she can not afford plane tickets. It was hard for any of us to digest money being the only issue as her family is REALLY rich and she is super pampered but we accepted the reason without any complaints.

My wedding preparations went on for almost a year and she never even called or texted me. My aunt always said that she is too busy studying but is always asking her about the preparations. Wedding came and I even gave the bridal party gift packet for Sara to Sara's mom as I figured she would have been in my bridal party if she would have been in India.

My wedding came and went, months passed and I never heard from her except for a congratulations comment on my social media post. A few months later, I find out Sara had traveled to India and attended the wedding of her friend's brother that happened just a few days after my wedding.

That was a destination wedding and she was staying with her friend's family. She helped them with preparations, went on a bachelor's trip with the groom, his sister and friends, and even stayed for a few days after the wedding (Indian wedding festivities continue post wedding day). My aunt knew all about this.

Her choosing her friend's brother's (whom she hardly knew prior to the wedding) wedding over mine (someone who she has grown up with as practically siblings) hurt me and I told another cousin (31m) about this and also said that I am thinking of not attending Sara's wedding, which will happen next year. My cousin promptly tattled to everyone and now am being called selfish for creating a fuss.

I never complained to Sara or my aunt and have always been cordial to them. My aunt even said that Sara chose her friend because it was a destination wedding and hence she obviously had more fun there while my wedding was way too simple for a young person to enjoy.

Other relatives are also saying that I am older and married now and hence should act mature and understand why a student would use her vacation time for a fun wedding over mine. Moreover I should stop being petty and not only attend Sara's wedding but also help out as older sister. Am I really being unreasonable and AITA?

Update: Some asked if I had talked to Sara, well I tried by calling her last weekend but she was out with her friends and hence the reception was not great. She said she will call me back but it's been two days with no call.

Also, forgot to mention I am a trained dancer and have always choreographed performances for all kinds of family functions (dance performances are huge highlights in Indian functions, weddings have a separate dance night with choreographed performances by everyone) hence my aunt and Sara were expecting me to choreograph some dance performances for Sara's wedding.

So of course if I don't attend that also means I will neither be choreographing nor be helping with any other preparations. Relatives are also telling me I can't ditch that since I have choreographed performances in my family since I was a teen. Not choreographing now will make me look like a jealous and petty person.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

Majestic-Leopard-563

NTA what she did was horrible especially as you have a small family. Did she really expect you to just turn up to her wedding? All the family members getting on you about not going , well where were they when Sara didn’t turn up to your wedding? Well I hope you stick to your guns because Sara fafo!!

joeychopra

You’re not unreasonable- your cousin and aunt are absolutely TA. Weddings don’t have to be extravagant or big to be fun. I’m really sorry you were treated like this.

jtwjtwjtw

NTA. It’s rude to attend a different wedding just because she thinks it will be more “fun”. Especially over close family members and some random brother of a friend. I would match her energy and act towards her wedding how she acted towards your wedding.

Just say you can’t afford to “travel” at the moment (even if it’s being held close to where you are) and that you can’t attend because you are “too old and married now”.

AliceLisss

NTA. I think you should talk to Sara and ask her about it, express your feelings directly to her. As I understand from the post, you haven't discussed the issue with her. I would also be very upset if the person I grew up and had a great relationship with didn't attend my wedding. But the question is did you have a good relationship with her?

Because if she didn't attend for no reason she's just not a good person, but if she's holding a grudge against you, it's a different situation. Anyway, this should be discussed only between the two of you. But your reaction is pretty reasonable.

The OP responded here:

Efficient_Ball_3381

I tried talking to her last weekend but she said she is out with friends and will give me a call back once she is back (no call yet). I feel she is avoiding me.

Also I do not remember having done anything that she could be holding a grudge on. Though our mother's do have a sort of passive aggressive relationship where they act cordially but are always having some grudge against each other.

So, do you think the OP is being petty or is she simply right to be hurt that her cousin intentionally chose to miss her special day when she clearly could have made it?

Sources: Reddit
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