My (46 m) sister Tracy (29 f) and I aren't close, but we have a good relationship (at least before this all happened).
Tracy got married recently, and she told me the wedding was child free. I have a daughter Ella (12 f) and asked Tracy if she could come, but she said sorry, she and her partner were sticking to the rules. I managed to arrange for Ella to stay at a friend's house for a couple of days, since the wedding was in a different city.
So I went to the wedding and I saw quite a few older children, including my other siblings' kids. I know this sounds like I should've known from before from my other siblings, but I never thought to ask them 'oh are your kids going'. I did ask my brother at the wedding and he said he was told the child free limit was only for really young kids, the disruptive ages.
It was obvious Tracy lied to me about not bringing Ella. We went through the ceremony and towards the end of the reception, I pulled Tracy aside and said I realized she'd completely lied to me and there were plenty of other kids.
She looked pretty uncomfortable and said it wasn't a big deal, but I replied I deserve an apology, and so does Ella at some point.
Tracy got mad and said I was ambushing her at her own wedding and it's her and her partner's choice what they do. We ended the conversation there and went off to talk to other people.
She sent me a text later saying I was being selfish and I'm the one that should be apologizing to her and her husband, for making a big deal out of this. I'll admit I sent a not-so-nice text back about her caring more about aesthetics than people. Now it's sort of blown up within our family.
INFO Is there any reason why your sister wouldn't want to have your daughter at the wedding?
I feel like I cannot give a proper judgment without knowing why... If your daughter behaves properly well your would not be the A-H because then your sister would deserve to be called out in public like that.
But on the other hand if Ella tends to be really really disruptive and annoying, this may have been the only way your sister found to remove her from the guest list without causing too much drama until after the wedding... So yeah, info is required please
NewAd5624 OP responded:
My daughter has an amputated arm when she and my late wife were in an accident. My sister Tracy didn't say it directly, but I could tell this was most likely the reason why, so that's why I said she cares more about aesthetics than people. Ella's a well behaved girl. She has had some body image issues in recent times so my sister's exclusion pissed me off even more so.
Edit; NTA 100%, sister is an AH.
Your sister lied to you. Regardless of the time and place, you were justified in being upset and asking her why she lied. You and your daughter do deserve an apology and your sister needs to give one. Would it have been better for you to wait until after the wedding? Possibly. But you weren’t yelling at her or anything. I say NTA.
NewAd5624 OP responded:
No I didn't shout or yell, it was private and no one else even knew what we were talking about. It was also near the end of the reception.
Holy f**k did you see the comments? She was excluded for having an amputated arm. I'd hold a grudge for more than 7 lifetimes.
This is her NIECE. Ella has already triumphed through difficulty, and then a monster in her own family does this?? Oh dear God, OPs sister is an absolute horror of a human being - an example of all things ugly. Grotesque.