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'WIBTA if I don’t go to my husband's best friend’s wedding because he ruined our wedding?'

'WIBTA if I don’t go to my husband's best friend’s wedding because he ruined our wedding?'

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"WIBTA if I don’t go to my husbands best friend’s wedding?"

throw_bsfwedding

I 24f got married to my husband 26m at the start of this year and everything was perfect except for the fact that my husbands best friend of 20 years (and best man at the wedding), who I’ll call Luke, proposed to his girlfriend at my wedding.

I know some people find it very sweet and endearing when close friends or family get engaged at their wedding and that’s what I was told by many people at the time. I don’t feel that way however and thought it was very rude to announce something like that at a wedding and take the attention away from the couple.

My husband disagrees and says that it was okay because he gave them permission but had somehow never thought to tell me even though it was my wedding too???? His excuse was that I might have told the fiancée which I wouldn’t because I don’t even know her well.

What made me even more furious was that I felt they were taking advantage of our wedding, the decor, venue, props, photographer etc. which we had put out hard earned money into and worked hours overtime for.

People were obviously very excited for them and were swooning over them the whole night and I felt that they were intentionally showing off which just ticked me off even more. I am not mad at my husband anymore, since it was almost a year ago but I guess I still have not forgiven the couple.

I was also friendly with Luke before but we weren’t as close and to me he was always my “husbands friend” and not “my friend”. Since that whole situation at my wedding, I have not talked to him except to explain how I felt about him proposing at my wedding. But, my husband still contacts and meets Luke often.

Luke and his fiancée announced that they were getting married mid next year and invited my husband and I. I really don’t want to go and don’t feel comfortable going but said that my husband could go if he wants to.

Their wedding is also kind of far from us so we would have to drive quite a bit and book a hotel for the day before and after. I just don’t feel like it’s worth it to spend my time and money for that but my husband can if he wants.

My husband said that I was being petty and self centered I have to go because because my husband is the best man and would look odd without a date. He also said that I should just support the couple on their big day even if I don’t like them it would le be rude because they came to our wedding.

I just told him that was funny considering how they “supported” us on our big day. If i’m being honest I don’t care about being rude to the couple I just don’t want my husband to think I’m intentionally trying to be rude. I just don’t want to go because I don’t feel comfortable going to the wedding of people I don’t like. WIBTA if I don’t go?

Additional: Yes, Luke had my husband's permission but he asked my husband not to tell me for the reason that i might let it slip to the fiancé. I wouldn’t tell her at all because I have no contact with her, no phone number, socials etc. I think that he didn’t want to tell me because he knew I wouldn’t like it.

Additional 2: No, they never apologised. They were kind of just like, “your hubby said yes so it’s fine, you never had a say. It’s not your decision to make because I'm your husband's best friend not yours, so it’s his decision etc.”

Additional 3: For the people asking what they did at the wedding, they just hogged a few tables with a bunch of close friends (who are also a few of our close friends) and did their own thing, I guess. And from what I heard when I went over, it was all about their engagement. They also hogged the photographer for a bit.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

SafeWord9999

Show up to their wedding and announce your pregnancy in the middle of their speeches. Meh. Unethical life tip but I’m toxic like that 🤣

The OP responded here:

throw_bsfwedding

hahahah I wish but we agreed not to have kids for at least a few years 😂

SafeWord9999

Meh. Don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story to share - go all out. Or … next best thing. Start clutching at your stomach in every photo. Tell people you aren’t drinking alcohol and act cagey when people ask why.

Drop enough breadcrumbs to make everyone think you’re pregnant so they’re all talking about you. Maybe even wear a loose fitting outfit. Hey if you really wanted to suck up the attention you could have a dizzy spell and have to sit down too.

TOSHIBAFANSANDMORE

YWNBTA (You would not be the AH). Love, if you don't like the people that are at the wedding, don't go. You're an adult. You can make a decision yourself. It's not up to your husband. He can't just make you go if you don't want to. (ESPECIALLY AFTER THEY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOUR KINDNESS WHAT THE FRICK)

What makes me worried as the way you've worded this post, it sounds like your husband has tried to force you to do things that you hadn't wanted to do. I could've totally misunderstood, but i don't think that I've had. But please stand up for yourself. You deserve the final say on this matter.

The OP again responded here:

throw_bsfwedding

Thank you so much, I don’t think that I will be going and yes my husband was VERY insistent on me going and got really upset about it.

TOSHIBAFANSANDMORE

you're welcome, but if your husband ever does something like this again PLEASE don't keep quiet about it. It's not worth it to suffer and just obey.

zoobatron__

Your husband is an AH for giving them the go ahead to get engaged at your wedding without discussing it with you. You can’t blame your husband’s friend since they asked first and your husband said yes. YTA because it’s crap you felt your wedding was overshadowed, but is holding a grudge like this really worth the hassle? Be mad at your husband if you’re going to be mad at anyone.

So, do you think the OP is being selfish and stubborn or does she have no obligation to go to this wedding? Is she owed an apology?

Sources: Reddit
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