Groomsman from hell nearly ruins wedding, ends up passed out in hallway.
I was in my friends wedding a couple of months ago as a bridesmaid. I'm not really sure how to preface this story, because this groomsman was the most wild and attention seeking man I have ever met.
The fact he was friends with sweet special ed teacher bride (Ally) and our nerdy, empathetic, wholesome journalist groom (John) was baffling. Where do I even start?
All of us went to the same college. Most of the bridesmaids and groomsmen were people I was also friends with, except for Mike. I was told by someone Mike has always been 'the life of the party
Well, we'll begin with the rehearsal. Mike was the last one to show up. All of us were sitting around waiting for him when the bride pulled me to the side. Ally, all worried, told me I was going to walk down the aisle with Mike.
I could tell something was up, so I was like 'what's wrong?'. She sighed and said Mike was 'a lot to handle.' I joked about how nothing is too much for me, to which she smiled and said 'I know, but if he pushes something or does anything, please let me know. It's not to late to kick him out.'
No need to worry, I had thought... until Mike literally kicked open the doors to the chapel with confetti poppers and a feather boa and glowing sunglasses, a rock cover of the wedding anthem booming on a bluetooth speaker.
I think he was trying to be funny, but in truth, all of us, especially the groom, was irritated that he was late because that meant rushing the rehearsal so we could make our reservations for the rehearsal dinner.
From there things got worse. Here's a list of things that happened starting with the rehearsal dinner, and ending with...
Mike made a joke about 'selling me to the slave trade.' I looked like I hads swallowed a lemon, because he 'fixed' his statement by saying that he 'didn't mean it' but I had 'very pretty eyes that would be valuable at an auction house'.
After the rehearsal was a small bachelorette and bachelor party. Mike was guzzling tequila by the bottle and then threw up all over the uber they were riding in. John and the other groomsmen had to pay the cleaning fees.
Ally wore her mothers dress for her wedding, to which she did a 'first look' with her father and the other bridesmaids all around her. Mike stepped out of the room and very loudly did a cat-call whistle. The moment was utterly ruined, and we had to hold back our small but feisty bridesmaid from kicking him down a flight of stairs.
He didn't do anything during the ceremony, but I think that was because the order of people were switched, and now the 6'6'' wall of muscle groomsman were literally next to him and intimidating him into both compliance and good behavior with just a look.
Mike, apparently, is known for enjoying getting high. John told him that, in no uncertain terms, he was NOT to smoke anything around his or Ally's family because both were rather conservative. Mike took that as edibles are OK and took a bunch. That only made him more vulgar.
He chugged booze at the wedding, to the point where the best man and maid of honor were switching out his drinks with water, soda, or juice because he was getting out of hand.
I don't drink. Most everyone in the wedding party knows why, I'm diabetic and it will mess with my numbers and my father is an alcoholic, so i don't want to drink(i have no problem with other people drinking). I don't know if Mike knew, but he asked me what I liked to drink, and I told him I was sticking to diet coke for my diabetes.
He got me a rum and coke, told me it was diet, but I knew he was lying when I took the first sip. I was beyond livid, and so was the bride when we were shittalking Mike at brunch the next morning.
He stuck his entire hand in the mashed potatoes (buffet wedding). I don't know why he did that, but the entire full crock of potatoes was contaminated by his stupid hand.
The DJ stepped away from the booth for two seconds, and somehow Mike got the Little Einsteins theme song to play for some god-awful reason. Even the like three kids at the reception were like 'wtf'.
The bridesmaids dresses had a long slit up the leg for ease of movement. Mike enjoyed tugging at and yanking at our skirts to get more leg to show through the slit. He stopped when one bridesmaid kicked him in the shin.
He was flirting with John (the grooms) mom. John, of course, was very upset, but Mike retorted that 'she's single, what's the problem?' TO HIS FACE. THE FATHER OF THE GROOM PASSED FROM A HEART ATTTACK A YEAR PRIOR.
The 6'6'' groomsmen once again came in handy and basically picked Mike up and carried him out of the reception because I think John was both on the verge of tears and throwing Mike down a set of stairs.
Since the wedding venue was booked during covid times, we had cupcakes instead of cake (not sure why this was a rule, but it was). Mike thought it would be funny to grab some of the jam filled cupcakes to throw at the bride and groom(reminder, the same bride who was wearing her mothers wedding dress).
Thankfully, I saw this coming and smacked that cupcake out of the way, mid-air until it splattered against the wall. I was very proud of myself tbh. Finally, my minor skill in volleyball serving from high school came in handy!
He tried to steal the tip jar from the bartender and groped a waitress. Those two offenses got him banned from the venue and almost shut the wedding down.
Mike tried to grind against all the bridesmaids, and when that didn't work, the guests. One of the guests was 16, and her brother shoved Mike to the floor. Where he promptly passed out until the best man and 6'6'' groomsman dragged him into the hallway by his legs to let him sleep it off.
After the wedding was over, we all passed out from booze or exhaustion. The next morning, everyone but Mike was awake and ready to go to a little diner for breakfast/brunch. Collectively, we recalled fond memories of the wedding while also venting about Mike, vowed to never speak to him again, and none of us heard from him since.
AmazingPreference955 asks:
The only mystery is why they included him knowing he’s “a lot to handle.” Maybe he saved the groom’s life when they were kids or something.
Amy47101 OP says:
Don't know the backstory, all i know is the groom and him were childhood friends and grew up together.
weirdonobeardo says:
This sounds like a good shaming story but almost too awful of a person to believe that they would have let him continue being in the wedding or invited after rehearsal dinner.
Amy47101 OP says:
It's definitely one of those 'this is to insane to be true' but it is. Like if I wasn't there experiencing it and smacking cupcakes outta the air, I would have believed the story was fake, or at least exagerated. Can't say otherwise to sway your belief. If it's anything, Ally and John have always been way to kind, forgiving