Woman snaps at parents who tease her for eating healthy, 'I don't want to be like you.'

Being friends with your parents in adulthood usually involves some recalibrating on all sides. They have to recraft the childhood version of you that lives in their heads and work to accept who you've chosen to be as an adult.

And you have to accept their fallibility and limits as other adults who just so happened to raise you. This is all easier said than done.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her parents she exercises so she won't 'end up like them.'

She wrote:

AITA for telling my parents I eat well/exercise regularly because I don’t want to end up like them?

My (f27) parents (m/f mid60s) have had tons of health issues pretty much as long as I can remember. My dad has been at or above 300 pounds for my whole life so he has the health issues that go along with long-term obesity.

My mom, while not obese, has been overweight pretty much forever also and just narrowly avoided a massive heart attack after having difficulty breathing while watching TV, had emergency open heart surgery to deal with several blockages. “Healthy” meals growing up was pizza after a small salad. So when I moved out, I unlearned unhealthy food and exercise habits and learned new, healthier habits.

Props to my husband (m27) who had those healthier habits and has been SO helpful as I figure this stuff out. We recently visited my hometown/family for a week. We got guest passes for the local gyms because we both experience pretty brutal mental health declines if we don’t work out at least some.

My parents teased us a little for “having to work out even on vacation” but I let it slide because I can see how it’s a little silly from the outside looking in. Then we went out to my all-time favorite Italian place. I got baked ziti which comes with a salad as an appetizer which I did in fact eat.

There was a snicker from my parents, I ignored it because I didn’t realize it was aimed at me, then the meal came and I only ate about a third of it, got the rest to go. We were going to be in town for four more days so I could reheat it and it wouldn’t go to waste.

We’re waiting for the waitress to come back to sign the bills and then head out, my dad says “Are you sure you’re our daughter? The (my name) we know would’ve asked for seconds and wouldn’t have even touched the salad.”

I said I’m trying to be healthier, nothing wrong with that. He doubled down and said they don’t even recognize me anymore.

They have no clue who I am because the kid they raised didn’t think twice about the gym and now it seems to be my life with how much time I waste there and don’t get them started on the supplements (pre-workout and protein powder) because that’s a waste of money that we could be saving or putting towards expenses or investing.

So I told my parents I’m making the most important investment I can make: I’m investing into my health, because I’d rather spend $200 a year on the gym and supplements than $200 a month on medication I could’ve avoided being on if I had just been a little healthier in my younger days.

My mom asks what that’s supposed to mean, and that’s when I said “I’m making the lifestyle choices I am so I don’t end up like you two. My genetics may be screwed, but I don’t have to make it easy for them to win, so I’m not going to.” Cue outrage and insults hurled towards my husband and I, waitress came back just at that moment so my husband signed and we dipped out.

The barrage continued with texts, so I just muted my phone. I get they took it personally, there’s really no other way to take it, but was it really that out of line?

People had a lot of strong thoughts on this one.

NZafe wrote:

Here’s my conflict with this sub. Is AITA a “am I right or am I wrong” sub, or is it “am I the a**hole.”

Yes, you’re “right”, you want to work out to avoid/mitigate long term health problems that may or may not be genetic.

Were your parents rude? Yes.

Was what you said also rude? Also yes.

ESH.

RB1327 wrote:

ESH, Everybody Sucks Here.

They're being unnecessarily interested and judgmental about your new diet/exercise choices. So yeah, they should back off that. Probably should stop making restaurants a big focus of socializing with you as well.

But you know you could have explained your choices and lifestyle without adding 'so I don’t end up like you two.' I guess you're the type of person that thinks anything goes as a response when someone has been rude to you first.

UneducatedPotatoTato wrote:

NTA - most parents want for their children what they never had. So it’s unfortunate that they are either delusional about their own health or just don’t care and think you shouldn’t either. Kind of baffling tbh.

The way they kept poking, it was bound to end in a fight eventually. Sounds like you’d never be able to fully sidestep the situation without giving the direct answer that you did. I’m sorry you aren’t getting the parental support but congratulations to you for your hard work and effort into prioritizing your health.

nikkesen wrote:

NTA. Our parents are our window into good and bad habits we will form as adults. It is an opportunity to glimpse into the future without a time machine. Sometimes they have good habits worth emulating, other times there are habits that we don't want to copy. This goes for everything from how you treat and raise your children to how you treat yourself.

_A-Q wrote:

NTA - sounds like your parents didn’t like being told the truth. For them to make fun of you and berate you for not eating as much as them stinks of jealousy.

“This isn’t the daughter we raised. How dare you not want to be obese like us.”

NTA.

The responses seem to be straddling the lines of ESH and NTA, it all depends on the angle the commenter is seeing things from.