Pregnant woman gets called 'huge' by stranger in grocery store; claps back. AITA?

"AITA for insinuating a woman was fat?"

I (35F) am currently 8 months pregnant. Something I've learned (fun news for anyone aspiring to follow down that same path) is that a LOT of people, mostly older women, feel that if you get pregnant they suddenly have the right to both comment and touch your body without permission. Sometimes/often without warning- even total strangers.

I'm an intrinsically private person and while I don't take offense, it does encourage the inner snark to come out. I started showing around 5/6 months. I have two fibroids that are each quite large, think softball size. This causes me to look bigger and further along than I am.

I've also not really gained weight otherwise (yes I'm aware it's a good problem to have, but I do look disproportionate) so it's REALLY apparent even under hoodies. Fast forward to last weekend. I was in our local grocery store and an older, larger woman walks up to me and says something akin to "aw hunny, congrats! How far along are you?"

Kindly, sure, so I smile, step out of touching distance (this is usually when they go for a belly feel) and say "8 months". She looked at me with a shocked expression and exclaims "Oh hun NO I would have guessed any day now! YOU'RE HUGE!!"

So...I smiled sweetly back at her and said "aw thanks, you too".

You can imagine it didn't go over well. At one point she said something about it being medical, and so my one interjection was "hey me too"- but it didn't do much to diffuse the situation. Eventually, she huffed away and I carried on my business.

I don't really feel bad, but I am trying to gauge the a**holiness of my response. I strongly feel that there shouldn't be a stigma that pregnant women suddenly become public property, but acknowledge I could have once again been the 'bigger person.'

Or responded with "yeah I have two tumors in there with her" which has historically gotten a sputtering apology from people too. (Fibroids are benign tumors so this is technically true, just aimed at making people uncomfortable).

People had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

Ousmousse wrote:

NTA. Good answer. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean she can immediately feel entitled to comment on your body. She's not a doctor, she has no business judging what your body should look like 8 months pregnant. Her comment was inappropriate and I hope people will stop doing that someday...

StorytellerElla wrote:

NTA. Women get comments all through life. Being pregnant is one of the few times you can say something an no one can say s#$t back. She deserved it either way medical or not. Pregnancy doesn't make you public property.

Queenie604 wrote:

NTA she commented on your body first. When I was pregnant I would get so sick of being asked about my belly I finally looked people straight in the eyes with a straight face and said I wasn’t pregnant (8-9 months along and huge). I've never seen people look so embarrassed in my life 😂

creaky-joints wrote:

Soft YTA. Insulting her probably won’t make her think twice the next time she wants to tell a pregnant woman she’s huge. Saying “I have two tumors in there with her” could actually make someone think twice before commenting next time—discomfort and/or shame is a really good teacher of life lessons.

Plus, it’s really hard to hold the high ground of “we need to stop commenting on people’s bodies” when you yourself have commented on someone’s body. That said: excellent clapback. I laughed when I read it because I’m an AH.

RelativeLeg7 wrote:

YTA, of course (and as I think you know). You were not merely unkind. You were deliberately cruel. And while I suppose ESH, she was rude and hurtful, but not deliberately hurtful.

Esmer_Tina wrote:

ESH. People who think pregnant bodies are public property are super annoying. But you know very well she was commenting on the development of your baby. You are supposed to be huge right now, that’s the deal. Why did you think that made it OK for you to tell her she’s fat? What if it had been a tiny lady who had said that to you?

You need to feel empowered to say to people, “I really don’t want to talk about it.” Instead of addressing the real problem you’re letting people turn you into TA. There are so many reasons people need to learn not to comment on pregnancies, especially in the post-Roe world.

doflamingoenjoyer1 wrote:

Really? YTA. Maybe other older women have been rude to you but this one in particular did not do anything to you. Her saying you look like you are further along than what you are seems like an inoffensive comment to me but I've never been pregnant so idk.

But regardless, she obviously meant you no harm and you just snarked at her because other older women were inappropriate with you in the past. Making small talk with a rando on the grocery store is not "making pregnant women public property."

ironypoisonedposter wrote:

If you don’t think people should comment on other bodies, set an example. I think it’s pretty obvious the “you’re huge” is a reference to you looking further along than 8 months and not an insult. Your comment is mean spirited in a way hers was not. YTA.

While there's no unanimous ruling, it does seem clear that a lot of people think OP handled this immaturely.