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Dad wont make up the difference so daughter makes the same as his son. AITA?

Dad wont make up the difference so daughter makes the same as his son. AITA?


AITA for refusing to pay my daughter as much as my son and refusing to supplement her check so that they're equal?


My two oldest kids are in college and working part time to earn spending money. They live at home and we pay for their tuition, cars, insurance, basically everything except their spending money.

I have my own small construction company and run a crew of about 15 men including my son. Lately we’ve been doing mostly roofing jobs.

My son’s job is to help take off the old shingles, pick up any shingles that miss the dumpster, and help prep the roof. Once the installation starts, he delivers a steady stream of shingles, nails, and other materials to the nailers. It’s a dangerous and hard job so I pay him about $25/hr.

My daughter works as a cashier but most of the time she’s standing at the self checkout lanes and rarely behind the register. She’s paid about $15/hr.

Last weekend my son bought his girlfriend a new iPhone for valentines and was talking about the restaurant he’s going to take her. Since it’s an expensive phone and restaurant, my daughter asked where he’s getting the money.

That led to how much I’m paying him and she got mad. He’s been working with me for about 4 months but she’s never shown any interest in what we do or ask anything about his job or pay so it came as a surprise to her.

The short version of a week long argument in our house is that she thinks It’s unfair he’s making so much more than she is. I offered her the same hourly wage if she wants to join her brother on the roof but she went once and didn’t finish out the day.

Instead she wants us to make up the difference between their paychecks. My wife thinks I should come up with an easier job like just let her pick up the shingles that miss the dumpsters. I said that’s an easy job and I’m not paying her $25/hr for a minimum wage job. I told her that she can make as much as her brother but she doesn’t want to carry heavy and dirty singles.

Now both women are giving me the silent treatment. Last night when my wife went so far as to eat dinner with our daughter before my son and I got home at 6 and later went to bed without saying a word to me all night.

Here's how the commenters interpreted the situation.


NTA. This is a valuable life lesson for both your children that they have to rely on themselves to earn what they want.

How would your son feel if his sister, who literally quit the same more taxing job he performs daily, just gets a free ride because she stomped her feet and threw a tantrum. And how would your daughter behave in the cruel real world if you gave in now?

She would go up to people she isn't related to and demands things she hasn't earned or turn down key career opportunities because she thinks she can and should start at the top right away.


NTA. This is a hill to die on OP. You’re paying your sons fair wage for the job he is doing, your daughter is receiving a fair wage for hers.

She needs to learn that she can’t live off of handouts all her life and that if she wants to be paid then she needs to get a different job. She’s an adult know and has to find her own way to get more money. Seriously don’t back down on this.


If you're paying according to the job (that is, another person doing the same job as your son would receive that wage, and all cashiers receive a wage similar to your daughter's), absolutely NTA.

Your daughter is not only free to take the different type of job at your company, for that wage, but to seek employment elsewhere.


NTA. You are paying your son wages for a dirty and dangerous job (I hope you have him well insured!). Your daughter is paid wages from some other employer. If she wants better wages, she must negotiate with her employer or get another job.


NTA. Let them be silent and sit with their thoughts. Salaries are based on the job, skill, and experience not how much you want because you exist. I want to make $275 an hour so that I can cover my bills and work no more than an hour a day, but that's not how any of this works


NTA and your daughter and wife have some crazy mental gymnastics to see how two people doing completely different jobs (one skilled, manual and dangerous, the other manning a self-service checkout) should get paid the same.

Or that YOU, who doesn't even EMPLOY your daughter, should for some reason make their salaries equal. What if she became a surgeon and earned $500 an hour... would she think it's reasonable for you to give your son a wage increase to match? Very weird logic.


NTA - So in other words she wants to be paid the same to do less? No, that is NOT how the real world works, you do the same work for the same pay. What she's asking is basically "I'm a women, I get equal pay" without the equal work part that a lot of women fought for. Giving you the silent treatment like that is also pretty nasty ngl, that's considered abuse by most modern standards for marriages, and manipulation when outside of a marriage.


NTA. As a woman who has done both jobs, it's equal work, equal pay. If she doesn't want to do equal work then she needs to stay where she is. Life isn't fair better she learn that now. If you don't you will be setting unrealistic and entitled expectations for the rest of her life.


NTA. There are reasons some jobs pay more than others. Paying your daughter the same rate with an easy job will also ruin the well functioning dynamic of your company. Your workers will see the unfairness you treat your daughter if you were to do that


NTA. She isn't even working for you. Make up the difference?? WTF??

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