So, when a Reddit user asked, 'Office workers, in your workplace, who is 'that guy,' and what does he do?' people were ready to share how their coworker earned their infamous title. Hint: if you think your workplace doesn't have 'that guy,' it's because you're that guy.
'Ok we move for lunch at 12:30. Ok with everybody ?'
12:30: 'Go go !'
'5 minutes I'll go to the bathroom'.
And then we wait for 5 minutes with our jackets on and everything.
Every. Single. Day.- SeriousJack
We have two. One is young and excellent at 'looking busy,' while doing nothing. He's chatty and thinks he's personal so he takes longer to do his tasks, he thinks he's smart as hell by turning his monitors and having a little barrier up while he watches YouTube, or that no one knows he naps in the bathroom.
The other is an older guy who is lonely and chatty and talks about everything, and how everything is a challenge and how the government is going to steal his ID if he ever logs into an account on the internet. - UCMCoyote
Whistles all f*cking day. I am just about ready to kill him any day now. - mylifebelikelawl
The guy that makes long pauses between sentences, maintaining eye contact.
'You see, i was watching tv last night...' 10 seconds of eye contact 'and some show was on...' 15 seconds of eye contact while drinking water - hank_moo_d
The one who still makes the awful hump day joke. Every. Damn Week. - ron_e123
When a coworker tells an story, that guy gets into the conversation with a better story that happened to him or someone that he knows. - jonnieve
Our guy is the guy who thinks he's so clever about avoiding work, but is in no way fooling anyone. He's also the guy who tells our boss he has narcolepsy when he falls asleep at his desk, but refuses to go to a doctor for proof. I'm pretty sure narcoleptics don't jolt awake when their boss walks by, dude - Magnusprim3
He's a talker. 'Good morning, Bob.' 'Well, I'm not sure if I can say it's good. It's definitely the morning, I'll give you that, but good is a bit of a stretch. It's Tuesday though, which is one better than Monday!
Just being honest, hahaha, because you said good morning, and I thought, 'Well I'm not sure if I can agree with that.' Seriously though, good morning.'- krebstarpatron
He runs, all the time. I don't think anything he does is important enough to justify it but everytime he's going to someone's desk he'll break into an awkward walk/run with his hand to his chest normally clutching a file.
Then when he gets to you he'll put his hands on your desk and stretch his legs like he's preparing to run a marathon, I've never seen anything like it.- megamaxie
At least once a week he warms up fish that smells like it went bad a month ago. He eats fish regularly because “it’s healthy to eat fish regularly”. I told him I’m pretty sure food that’s gone bad isn’t healthy for you but he responded with he didn’t believe that “food going bad bullsh*t”. - [deleted]
We have that guy who creates tasks to make him seem necessary. Constantly reworking costing formulas, then forcing us to fix them when he screws them up.
To top it off, he speaks and emails with military terms 'ALCON' 'Roger' etc. This doesn't inherently bother me, but it sets everyone else off and them complaining makes it worse.
He is also an idea thief. We like to get him back by throwing ideas around that we know have failed in the past, then we wait for him to pitch them.- [deleted]
We had steal-food-from-fridge guy. He would straight up eat your lunch, especially if you had any sweets (cake, cookies, brownies, etc.). He wouldn't steal your food if it was healthy or boring, and he didn't do it all the time, but when he did, he just ignored you or dodged complaints with 'It's been here for a week'.
(No, I brought it today) or 'I didn't do it' (yes you did because coworker so-and-so saw you). Alas, he was middle management and a grade A a*s-kisser, so he never got punished.
Of course, someone got him back with the classic 'laxatives in the brownie' routine. Apparently he spent a collective 6 hours on the sh*tter and could be seen hilariously running from the floor of the shop to the employee bathroom with his hand holding his butt cheeks together. Too bad I wasn't there that day, too bad...
But guess what? Next week we get a lecture from HR and the general manager about labeling our food when it's in the fridge, how long it can stay in there, how we need to keep the kitchen clean, how we can't leave food overnight, etc.
HR then referred to an 'incident' where someone ate food that had either gone bad or been contaminated, and how it was a health risk to all the office/store. Food stealer then gets up and says how having a fridge is a privilege and not a right, and how we need to respect the rules of the office or else we will lose the fridge.
When he sits down, the HR lady says 'no, the fridge is a right and it's staying, please disregard that last comment.' Muffled laughter was heard all around.- GlowingGodofMars
'That guy' is Judith, who likes to sit at her computer and laugh juuuust loudly enough that you have to ask 'What's so funny?' and won't stop laughing until someone acknowledges her. She's also constantly complaining about her back pain and will do her PT stretches not two feet away from my desk. - retrouvailles26
He's been working here for less than a month and he's demanding all of the newest equipment we have. We had two no-bezel monitors that were set aside for certain employees, so he came and took both of them (still in the box), and set them up in his office.
It felt good when we got to go take them away from him and give him some old monitors. I thought about giving him some 4:3 monitors, but I'm not that mean.- ConstableGrey
We have two of them. The first one is a higher up who is almost never at work and no one knows where she goes. We call her 'bigfoot' since there are the occasional reported sightings of her. The other is her spy.
She's the type of person who will do laps around the office to report back to bigfoot what everyone is up to. She has been dubbed 'the drone.' My office is interesting. - fridaynightadvice
Thinks that he's my boss even though we have the SAME work title.- indiancurryman