Man asks if he was wrong for exposing coworker who was lying about being single.

I’ve (26M) been working at my job for a little over 4 years. During Covid, Theo (25ish M), joined our crew. In the 2 years we have known him, he has NEVER mentioned a spouse. He’s talked about friends and family, his favorite things, what he’s cooking for dinner, everything but that and kind of made himself sound single.

A couple of coworkers even asked him out but he declined because he doesn’t date coworkers. I can’t deny he’s VERY good looking which attracted a lot of interest from coworkers.

A few weeks ago, I was walking home from grocery shopping near work and my bag split. A woman help pick up everything and even offered her tote. We chatted and it turns out she was Theo’s WIFE.

They had been married for 3 years so before he even started this job. When I introduced myself as Theo’s coworker, it was clear Theo had told her about work and us but I don’t think she realized that we didn’t know she even existed.

When I went to work, I casually asked Theo if he was seeing anyone and he shrugged and said work was too busy. I thought it was weird he wouldn’t mention his wife so I messaged her and said we needed to talk.

We met later at a cafe and I told her that no one knew who she was because Theo never mentioned her. I talked about how women would flirt with him. I mentioned he never wore a wedding ring. She started blinking hard as if trying not to cry. She looked crushed. But she was a sweetheart and paid for my coffee before I even got a chance to.

The past few days Theo has been very moody. He started buying lunch instead of bringing one from home. He’s been ignoring me which interferes with our work. He cornered me today after work and told me that his wife was sad and he didn’t know why, but it was my fault.

He told me to never contact his wife or talk about her again. I told my coworkers what happened and everyone expressed shock that he had a wife. A few coworkers said I was an asshole for telling my coworker’s wife that he hid her existence, but most took my side. My boyfriend said I was in the right and people would want to know if their spouse was acting shady like Theo.

Here's what people had to say, and OP's responses:

karmamidnights says:

What world do you live in that strangers ask people if they need help in a grocery store.

MathematicianIll4357 OP responded:

Small town. About 7,000 people give or take. She was being since since she already gave me her tote which I still have. Idk if I should give it to Theo. It’s a nice bag.

Sheess9141 says:

Sounds like you have a crush on Theo

MathematicianIll4357 OP responded:

I’m happy with my amazing boyfriend

Helpful_Emotion_1764 says:

I feel like you went about it the wrong way for sure. Why not at work when other people around say “omg btw I met your wife the other day! Why didn’t we know you were married? She’s so sweet!” And let the cards fall where they may.

Yes it was shady of him but I don’t agree with the way you did it. ESH except the wife

MathematicianIll4357 OP responded:

Maybe your right.

wickedlucky214 says:

YTA. Some people have boundaries at work. Like don't share their personal info. You took a whole bunch of circumstantial evidence to paint him to be a cheater. You way overstepped.

MathematicianIll4357 OP responded:

He told us a lot of personal stuff about himself, his family, and his friends but never mentioned his wife. we know his mother has depression and his friend from college can down 17 shots but not that he has a wife?

Appropriate-Camel367 says:

NTA I would 100% want someone to be that kind and tell me if my husband was being shady. I’ve had situations where I’ve been lied to for partners and it sucks. I personally think you did the right thing.

MathematicianIll4357 OP responded:

My boyfriend said the same thing. I felt bad for her because she was clearly a nice person.