'HR said I asked for it after I reported a coworker for harassment and threats.' UPDATED 2X

In theory, HR departments are suppose to be a place where employees can bring grievances and serious concerns. But sadly, not all of them function they way they ideally should.

In a popular post on the Anti-Work subreddit, a woman shared her terrifying experience with a coworker, and the callous way HR "handled" it.

"HR basically said I asked for it."

Trained this dude at my work and things seemed fine enough. He was a good worker, didn’t say much. In some custody battle with his kids for his “lying baby mom” not letting him see the kids. Mind you he’s got like four domestics, they can’t all be “lies." At any given point this dude will be laughing and joking and then turn just cold as f**k towards me and try to start sh*t and just be rude as f#$k.

Complete mood change. His eyes creep me out, they’re empty. After he started actually talking about physically ki*ling his baby mom and her boyfriend, it made me super uncomfortable. Because he said it in the most serious tone. “If I don’t get what I want, then they’re dead.” He snapped again for no reason so I got scared and I went to HR.

She basically told me that because I was nice and cordial that perhaps I “lead him on” and that’s why he treated me that way.

I guess I’m just gonna start being a cold-hearted b#$ch to everyone and see if that works out for me, that way nobody will get the wrong idea and I won’t be “asking” for the sh#$ty comments I’ve received completely unprompted. I hope to god this man does not get his kids and another woman never has to deal with him.

Right after posting, OP shared a small update/clarification.

Edit: I failed to mention that knowing full well that I’m married, he asked me out and I turned him down. That’s what HRs excuse for this man’s actions are. I lead him on and shot him down so he’s angry. If anything, more of a reason for concern!

Note: She refused to give me any sort of written record of the meeting but told me it was in my file. I can’t access my own file or have a record!? Hmm what’s in there…

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

ConspiracyMama wrote:

You need to report this to the authorities like yesterday. That woman needs to be made aware of h*micidal threats toward her. It’s called a Tarasoft Warning.

OP responded:

I’m going to be filing a police report this weekend. I don’t know what her name is or what court system- but his domestics are public. I can easily just give the police my name and his name and tell them what I know. I don’t have a ton in writing.

AnamCeili wrote:

You need to file a police report immediately, both for your own safety and for that of his unfortunate ex-girlfriends and children. HR at your company is completely useless. Follow up your conversation with the HR rep via e-mail, in which you summarize your conversation with her and ask her to confirm what she said.

That will start a paper trail, and could be useful should you choose to sue the company in future. Be sure you BCC your own personal e-mail address (so that you have a copy outside of your work e-mail), and once you receive a response from the HR rep forward that response to your personal e-mail address as well.

OP responded:

I don’t even know who the HR rep and asking questions I’m wondering if they’ll even tell me who that person is. I’m going to the police for sure. Even if I don’t know who the ex gf is, he’s got a hefty record in the city so they’ll be able to figure it out no problem

AnamCeili wrote:

It's good you're going to the police, definitely. I don't understand how you don't know who the HR rep is, though. You don't know who you spoke with? Is it just a huge HR department and you got a random rep? Even if that's the case, I'd recommend finding out the general e-mail for HR at your company and sending the e-mail there.

OP responded:

Oh, no I know who I spoke with. Just not who would be above her aside from the owners of the company.

itspsyikk wrote:

I'm glad you're going to the police. This seems like a super serious, valid threat. I'd bet my life on the fact that he'd go through with what he is talking about.

OP responded:

He had a violation of protection order like 4 months ago, looked his record up again. Better I tell them sooner than later.

Saucy_Baconator wrote:

Congrats. You've met a sociopath! You need to report what he said to authorities, and document any future enccounters/incidents, esp. at work. Work should be focusing on safety. If you don't feel safe working with him there, then you need to escalate.

OP responded:

It’s honestly disturbing the mood change. Paired with the whole “they’re dead” thing. I don’t know why they aren’t looking more into it. My shift is only made up of 15 people.

Their resolution to the issue was to ‘move me to the back end instead of up front’ I’m on a job right now where I’m making money for my product above quota- because I have to move now because of HIM- I’m losing my piecework and extra money.

OP also shared a separate comment with further context:

The last coworker (different job) that I had weird feelings and vibes about ended up committing arson on their house with their roommate still inside, stole their car, fled the cops and crashed it. Haven’t had these vibes about anyone since. To everyone telling me to report to the cops, I plan to tomorrow. Trust me.

jphistory wrote:

Hey, also? So sorry this shit happened to you. And I hate to say this, but protect yourself too. Based on what this guy has said to you already, I'm concerned for your safety as well. Can you get him moved to a different team? Is there any way for you to cease having to interact with him effective immediately?

galfal wrote:

Years ago we had someone saying something like this about his ex wife. They called the police and they came to get him at work. Your HR department is awful. Happy to hear you’ll be filing a police report.

OP responded:

It’s like they think it can’t happen. Like s#$t like that isn’t real and it’s only on TV or something. I heard this guy tell me that if he didn’t get what he wanted, which is his kids, than they are dead. Didn’t crack a smile, didn’t smirk. Just stared at me with serious cold a*s dead eyes. I KNOW when someone is joking or being threatening. It’s a vibe. An entire cloud that chokes out the clean air. It’s scary.

galfal responded:

He sounds like the type that no one is surprised when they do it. I hope the police take you seriously and they do something about it. What an awful situation.

OP responded:

It really is awful. Yesterday I was so upset my supervisor sent me home. Today I was so physically upset that that stupid HR person blamed me!? I used a vacation day instead.

A week later, OP shared another update.

Today I got pulled into the office. I was told “I wouldn’t be alone” by my HR rep. Good, other witnesses, I thought. Low and behold, the man who was causing the issues for me walks in and sits down to my left, and my supervisor to my right. My HR rep at her desk in front. I basically felt like I was in the center of the room and absolutely cornered. So I started shaking and crying before anything started.

Was fidgeting with my phone. Why would they bring him in there and trigger me like that? He lied through the entire thing and complained about people knowing about the things he said. I felt so trapped and triggered. HR rep yelled at me to get off my phone, and mentioned something about recording and I said “oh, may I?”

She said absolutely not. That this was a private meeting that wasn’t allowed to be recorded at all. Then got very paranoid about my phone in my pocket. I wasn’t recording, sadly I let her b*lly me into ignoring the fact that I do know my rights.

They then asked if we could get along and work in the same area. Seriously? The man threatens to k*ll his ex and her BF. Is rude to me. She says it’s because I lead him on- I get moved and lose money….and she wants me to move back like none of this ever happened.

I asked for a copy of the email I send her. She denied it and told me that I already had a copy in my own email. She flipped out at the end and mentioned recording again. Stood up for myself and told her it was within my legal rights. She argued back, and I told her again that I knew my rights.

She smacked her hands down on her desk and ordered me to either get back to work or leave, because we were done here. People get so angry when you know your legal rights. But that’s too bad. Ohio law only one party consent! So, any idea what my next move is? I live in Ohio. And no, I can’t afford a lawyer. Low income and likely getting fired on Monday.

The internet had OP's back all the way.

the_simurgh wrote:

I'm gonna yell you exactly what the eeoc told me when j called them for being fired for reporting the sex*al assult of minors and women without the cruel parts. Call the cops and report the ass*ult.

OP responded:

A little different (but not less significant than) sexual assault. I did report his violent comments about his ex and his ex’s new boyfriend to the police. They definitely took note of it. This is more of a violation of my safety and rights now.

Old_Banana_Pudding wrote:

"And no, I can’t afford a lawyer. Low income and likely getting fired on Monday." Labor lawyers tend to work on contingency...you don't pay sh*t in advance. They get paid after its all done in court. Them acting hostile, and potentially firing you falls under retaliation following an incident report.

OP responded:

I actually just applied for legal aid on an eeoc site. I really hope they can help me out. I’m absolutely disgusted.

the_simurgh wrote:

The man threatened people at his place of work. They might need to be reminded if he harms them then they would be possibly liable.

OP responded:

The threats weren’t towards people who work there. They were towards his ex gf and her new BF. But he would at any random moment decide to be rude and scary to me out of the blue. HR told me (because he asked me out prior) that it was because I lead him on. The man literally said he was going to k*ll other human beings. It wasn’t people at my job- but his general vibe is scary.

binzoma wrote:

This HR rep is going to get f#$king BLASTED when this comes out They will get some personal liability for the damages the company winds up having to pay. HR may not be your friend, but as you say they care about the greater companies interests.

Hiding a f#$king d*ath threat and harr*ssment in 2024 is a great way to lose millions of dollars in legal fees and fines, plus absolutely nuke your reputation/partnership agreements/marketing plans etc. No sane HR person would side with any random employee and put their company at that level of risk.

Hopefully, HR gets what's coming to them, because this situation is beyond red flags.