When a woman posted a story on Reddit highlighting her frustrations as an employer, she got a response she did not expect. You decide who the a-hole is.
I (43f) am currently searching for a nanny for my children. My son is 5 and my daughter is 11. We found one young lady yesterday that seemed like a great fit. We interviewed her in our home and explained our careers (I’m a lawyer, my husband is a trainer) and told explained everything to her. She seemed happy with everything, was kind to us and no issues there.
The problem came when I spoke to her about the dress code I expected. I noticed she had on leggings with a sweater today which I guess was okay since she wasn’t working but I would’ve expected a little more for an interview.
However I told her I expect that she will not be wearing athletic wear while she tends to the children (I.e. no leggings, yoga pants, sweats, etc) she kind of laughed and said “so what do you want me to wear?” & my husband laughed but I was serious.
I told her that type of clothing is inappropriate since she’s not working out, she’s working. She seemed put off and said that’s what she normally wears & if she’s going to be active with the kids she needs to be dressed comfortably. I told her what the expectations were and she said she understands & left.
Later on she told me she doesn’t think this will work out. Was I wrong for setting expectations? I don’t think it’s okay to walk around in tight clothing with my son and husband present, plus she should be dressed like she’s working - she’s a professional. A teacher would not dress that way. My husband said I was overreacting. AITA (Am I the as*hole)?
Reddit ruled a huge YTA (you're the as*hole) and told her exactly why. Enjoy!
YTA You realize your husband can still try to f*ck her even if she's wearing a potato sack right?
Yta. As this woman said if she's going to be active with the kids then she should dress comfortably. What exactly do you want a nanny to do? Sit around and do nothing but look at the kids? Your example of a teacher is silly. She's not a teacher, she's a nanny. I think your assumption that your husband and son will ogle her is very strange as well.
YTA. Btw, what DO you expect her to wear?
And OP newtoreddit1239 answers:
She could’ve worn decent jeans & a shirt. Anything else, but she claimed yoga pants & a tshirt was appropriate for a JOB.
I think it's good you set the expectations because you let the babysitter know what kind of employer you will be and enabled her to dodge a bullet. You surely understand that different professions call for different attire. At first I thought your husband was a personal trainer, but perhaps not? If he is, does he wear a suit and tie at the gym?
Do nurses wear slacks, pantyhose, and button up shirts? Do chefs wear business casual? Pilots wear aprons? Come on. If you want someone to actually engage with your kids, you want them to be able to run around and be limber, which is the opposite if what you do in an office. So all that said, YTA.
I guess husband and son aren't allowed in public either. It would be too inappropriate to expose them to all the women wearing leggings and crop tops in stores.
Cynthia_Castillo677 lays it all out:
She shouldn’t dress that way around your son and husband? What the f*ck what the f*ck what the f*ck?? If your husband can’t help but stray over a woman wearing LEGGINGS, then that’s YOUR marriage’s problem. Not the woman wearing legging’s problem. I’ve been to places with my s/o where all the women around were basically naked and guess what? He didn’t leave my side the entire time.
If a man is going to cheat on you, he’s not going to do it because of a pair of leggings, he’s going to do it because he wants to cheat on you. That’s literally it. Attire isn’t going to change that.
And then for your son. You should be teaching him not to be sexualizing women. Instead you’re teaching women to control their outfits to help your son not sexualize them???? That’s how you end up with men who don’t respect women. So great job setting your kid up for failure!! What right do you have to police other women’s outfits? NONE. GET OVER YOURSELF.
YTA and here’s just a general rule of thumb: any time you try and police what a woman wears because of men (in this case: “I don’t think It’s okay to walk around in tight clothing with my son and husband present”) you will always be TA. Also expecting a nanny to wear “professional” clothing is kind of absurd.
Kids play, kids run, kids spill things. The professional attire for this profession would be closer to athletic wear rather than anything else.