'Okay. Long story. So sorry. I'll try to give the gist of it!'
Abbreviations:
MB- Mom Boss
DB- Dad Boss
NK- Nanny Kid
NF- Nanny Family
If you check my history, you all know I've been with this family for a few months. The house has no rules, no boundaries and no respect. The kids' behaviors is terrible. Yesterday, I walked into the room following 2YO. 4YO comes out do no where and hits me and tries to run.
A reaction, I know I shouldn't have cause that was me not respecting his body, but I ATTEMPTED to picked him up and he quickly jumped on to his bed and started crying. I said, I'll wait here until you're ready to talk.
I need to understand why you hit me. Or something on those lines. I may not have had a kind voice but I was lightweight pissed. I knew it was a matter of time till mom comes in. So sure enough, she comes in and tells me to leave, I try to say, I think it's best we address it now. And she shouts at me to leave. So me and 2YO leave.
4YO is never held accountable for his actions. MB then thinks it's a good idea to talk about it in front of the kids during breakfast. She her tone is making me feel like I'm being reprimanded. I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm looking around to fight back tears. And she screams at me for rolling my eyes.
I this is all so crazy. So at this point I start crying cause I'm so frustrated. I'm shaking and crying! I ask for a mental health day because I felt like I needed a breather. She grabs 2YO out of my hands and says, don't come back. I smiled and said okay. Bye. And as I'm gathering my stuff, she's following me and saying things like, I have a job, I have meetings.
I can't just show up to work and in 41 minutes decide, I need the rest of the day off blah blah blah. Long story short. I stay. I give myself a good 5 minute cry, and then I carry on.
Then she talks to me while the 2YO is napping (4YO at school). She says things like, I'm the best nanny they've ever had. She finally feels like she's found someone she can trust the kids with. But because I asked for a mental day, VERY reasonable I think, that I'm UNRELIABLE and the trust is broken.
Did I leave a kid in the car or something? What's happening? She told me yesterday she wants me to go home reflect. AM I CRAZY? What am I reflecting on? I asked for the day off, you told me to leave. I said okay, you said no. I stayed. If anything, me staying shoes you how reliable I am! Even while crying and shaking, I put that to the side and continued my day.
Am I missing something? What am I suppose to be reflecting on?
Update 1:
This morning I posted about my MB and everyone told me I needed to leave! I had every intention to. I started an email to send later today.... But when I left for the day, I get a text:
MB: Unfortunately, this is not going to work out. Envelope for you under front doormat. We are usually back home around 5:30 PM.
Me: why didn't you just hand it to me?
She let me go via text?! COWARD. I was with her all day, she didn't say a word to me. This is a blessing in disguise!
Anyone know how I get my paid holidays and 2 weeks severance package I'm owed? On our contract it says 2 week notice.
Thank you to EVERYONE in the nanny community for your support and always uplifting responses!
Update 2:
Okay y'all! If you've been following my insane story, here's the ending. -I hope it's the ending!
So I met up with MP, not sure why I agreed to. But here I am.
Refresher: 4YO ran up to me and hit me. Then tried to push passed me to runaway (like he normally does). I put my arms to attempt to pick him up and prevent him from running away, he turns and runs to his bed and starts crying and calling for mom.
She proceeds to tell me about how she showed the 'footage' to her 6 best friends and it was split, 3 people said I did nothing wrong, 3 people says no, or whatever. I got sick of this shit so I shut it down and ask to see the footage. She says oh, it's too difficult for me to watch it. So we know 2 things... this footage and 6 friends don't exist.
So I tell her, if this happened again, I would do it again. If he hit me unprovoked and I needed to protect myself, I will do what I need to. If he hit 2YO and he was closer to me, to protect 2YO, I would pick him up. If this happened in my preschool classroom and someone hit I would pick up the closest child to prevent another from getting hurt.
And she got quiet. I said, I get it. You wouldn't have done it, at this point it's preference and difference in styles. It doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different. And she said, you're right, this is a preference.
Then she says she thinks this relationship is salvageable. So I'm trying to keep this clean as possible. So I say, yeah I think so. But when you mentioned that you had to advocate and convince DB to keep me once 2YO goes to school, it sounds like only one person sees value me. So, I rather be with a family who wants and needs me rather than just one person who advocated for me.
She said she'll finalize the paperwork and will reach out next week.
And that was it. I'm so done with this.
Update 3:
I am no longer with my NF, since the whole situation (previous posts) started, 8/4ish but MB won't let off. She has asked me to come back many times, has said this is salvageable. I kindly declined every time. Finally, we got to an understanding and I thought it would be over, she comes with some major BS.
So she tells me that saying I resigned sounds better. At this point, I was like, whatever it takes to get me away from you. So she draws up this document for me to sign. I look at it, and it's basically signing away my rights.
• I am forever discharging them from any and all claims demands or liabilities that has occurred before this letter
• refrain from directly or indirectly making any defamatory statements to any person or entity, which would place them in a bad light or disparage their reputation and good name. • To delete any photographs of any member of family on my personal device • To keep the terms of this letter confidential.
I kindly text her: I don't want to drag this on longer than it already has. I read the documents you've sent over. I am not obligated to sign them and I will not be signing them. I'm going to move on with my life and will no longer be replying.
So she texts and calls. I don't answer or reply. Then she threatens to call my former NF to get me to respond. I just blocked her. 😳
Does anyone know if it's legal for former employers to contact references outside of the one time call for a reference?
I know employers can get references, but I think we, as nannies should be able to get references on the family. She literally is insane!
Final Update:
Hello Nannies! It's been a wild ride, I finally have gotten situated and able to give a final update. So if you have read my previous posts, I was going through it with my former MB. If you haven't and want to catch up, grab popcorn and have a read!
So after MB told me she was going to reach out to my former family (of 8 years, whom I love and hate to bother), because I didn't want to sign this 3 page document that is basically signing NDA and all my rights. I was so upset over that threat, I blocked her.
After a week, I got an email from her forwarding my last paystub, which I get emailed to me already. I didn't reply. Then a few days later, while I was at work, I got a call from a number I recognized as her work phone, so I let it go to voicemail. She called twice back to back. She didn't leave a message so I went about my day.
The next morning I turn on my iPad and she had called twice on FaceTime voice. When I blocked her, it didn't go through all my devices. So I went to my laptop to make sure it is blocked there. It wasn't, all her messages popped up, 8 of them including a voice one that deletes after 2 minutes.
Texts mention stuff like: please consider your stonewall method, people are hurting. We all thought we would remain friends, in each other's lives, blah blah blah. Just a bunch of crap but one main thing was, she said applied my daughter for a scholarship at her kid's school and we got accepted.
A full year of school without paying for tuition. But I needed to respond that day because that was the deadline. ....WHAT?! I've never expressed tuition for my daughters school and how much it sucks. I mean, it does, but I've never said it. But how are you going to apply us for a scholarship, to a school we do NOT attend, when you know nothing about my daughter other than her name?
So first, you didn't get a response after bringing up my previous MB. So now you're using my daughter to get me to respond. It's just so wild to me. But I am done with that and working with a new family who I am so happy with!
Comments:
There are a few people who I wouldn’t want to offend. The person providing childcare is at the top of the list.
Discipline for little kids needs to be immediate and related to what they are doing 'wrong'. If you think of kid as needing help instead of being mean, the discipline is then to help correct what was done wrong
Why does this relationship keep continuing? Why does the MB care so much still?
Because it's hard to find decent childcare on short notice and either her or her husband are going to have to quit their job to take care of the kids if she can't find anyone.