Boss repeatedly nominates employee for 'gay professional award'; 'It's inappropriate, plus I'm not gay.' + UPDATE
"Repeatedly nominated for a gay award at work (NY)"
weirdawardthrowaway
Location: NY. My boss keeps nominating me for a gay professional award outside of our organization. Repeatedly, even though I am not gay. I have expressed verbally that I am not gay, and even if I were, I wouldn't want to be recognized for my sexual preferences, that would just be a part of who I am.
Is there something I can legally do about this? It's weird and frankly embarrassing, but I'm not certain it's sexual harassment or a legal issue? I've had multiple, direct conversations with my boss that consist of something like "I'm not comfortable being nominated for these awards, can you please knock it off." Thanks in advance.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
_Cromwell_
That is, in fact, sex-based harassment. I am not sure if it rises to a level that would be considered illegal (pervasive or severe) but it is harassment on some level. Sex harassment doesn't have to be sexUAL harassment. You should look up your company's policy on reporting harassment and follow it.
weirdawardthrowaway (OP)
Thank you very much for your answer and for taking it seriously. As I understand it from your suggestion, my next step will be to electronically communicate that this is unwelcome and needs to stop so it's recorded and preserve the communications, continue to document, then escalate if needed. I otherwise really like my job and company so I'm trying to navigate this as carefully as possible.
tartymae
Are you even eligble for the award? That is to say, do you have to be gay? I know people who have gotten awards from LGBTQ organizations because they are good allies, gave outstanding customer service, did great networking with LGBTQ organizations, etc. If that's not the case, yes, this is a kind of harrassment and you need to file a complaint. If you haven't already, start keeping a paper trail.
A little under two weeks later, the OP returned with an update.
weirdawardthrowaway
I decided to address this one final time in person as my company really doesn't have a sexual harassment policy beyond Don't Do That. I met with the Michael Scott-esque boss and with another leader who is in a legal operations role within our organization. I used pointed phrases that were brought up by Legal Advice posters, like "Sex-based harassment."
A reader had suggested that this seemed like a misguided and inappropriate way of 'helping' me to come out. In the course of our conversation it became clear that this is exactly what was happening, and I in turn made it clear that it wasn't really anyone's business to help me with things outside of my role at work.
I also stated this is the last time we would have this conversation without escalating it to the New York State Human Rights/Office of Sexual Harassment. Michael Scott was profusely apologetic and the other witness was horrified this was happening.
Later my CEO called to let me know it was appalling, would never happen again, and to ask if I needed a few days off. He also thanked me for bringing the issue up and promised 'change,' whatever that means.
I feel like everyone took it seriously, and the best possible outcome (so far) is it didn't turn into a legal issue, though I realize that is not quite as high drama or exciting.
I also contacted the organization who continued to publicly notify people of their awards and received an oddly clipped and rude email in return. I made it clear this is not okay and the way they operate could cause unintentional but irreparable harm.
Thank you to everyone who provided advice and also took the issue seriously. There were times I felt like I was not being able to take a joke, but you guys reassured me that this wasn't okay and also how to fix it. Y'all rock. Thanks.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
bunnyofthebriar
"Someone at your work nominated you." Yes, that is exactly the problem that is being addressed. You do see that that is the /problem/.
StraightBudget8799
I’d at least expect a “dang, we’ll send an email BACK to the nominee/business telling them to knock it off and they’re removed from future efforts to nominate “! After all, it does the awards no favours to have a potential lineup of all hetero people waving awards saying “I’d like to thank…. Our straight-life partners…”
peter095837
I am baffled how a boss thinks giving this kind of "award" was a good idea in the first place. Like that's not even a healthy work ethical idea, that's just unethical.
fistulatedcow
This is just bonkers. I can’t even process the irony of an award presumably meant to empower gay people in the field ending up being a potential avenue for someone to be publicly outed without their consent.
And the boss trying to “help OP come out” by nominating her for the award is just a level of stupidity that is impossible for me to put into words. I would not blame OP if she didn’t forgive them for what they did because it’s just completely inexcusable. Like I’m livid. Jesus.
tenfoottallmothman
As a registered gay who is fully out at work and everywhere else - this is absolutely horrendous. If OP had actually been queer and was in the closet for any reason (people can stay closeted for a lot of reasons including their safety) that would have outed them without their consent. That’s really bad.
This is why I hate corporate ally nonsense. it’s typically run by cis het people who don’t understand the nuances of the rainbow mafia and it’s cringey at best, damaging - like this - at worst. I don’t want to be in your newsletter so you can pat yourself on the back for being oh so inclusive, I just want to do my work like any other person, thanks.