Woman excludes coworker from baby shower after she reports her at work. UPDATED 4X.

Navigating workplace drama can be deeply complicated. On one hand, you wanna stay true to your actual feelings about people. On the other hand, you want to keep the peace in a professional setting. Finding that line can be difficult.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for excluding a coworker from an event after she put her job at risk. She wrote:

"AITA for excluding a coworker (30F) after she almost got me (30F) fired?"

Btw: am being purposely vague for the sake of anonymity.

I (30F) am in a very competitive surgical residency. Around this time of the year, my allergies like to mess with me and I get nose bleeds sometimes. (Nothing too serious, but usually if I blow my nose a lot there’s blood spotting).

Well, one of my coworkers (31M) who’s a good friend noticed this. Well about a week ago he saw me blowing my nose again and jokingly said “Are you doing c0c@ine or something?”. I said no and explained my allergies and we just laughed. Now whenever he’d see me blowing my nose he’d say “stop doing that c0ke” and I reply something like “no” or “can’t stop, won’t stop.”

(TO BE CLEAR I AM NOT DOING C$KE AND HE KNOWS I'M NOT, IT'S JUST JOKING AND WHEN OTHER PEOPLE AREN'T AROUND). Well a couple weeks ago, a fellow resident (30F) who is in our year overheard us say that when she was outside the room we were in I guess and she reported me.

Then I got called in and questioned, I explained the situation & how they can literally see on my medical chart I have a history of allergies, but they still d$%g tested me which of course came up negative, but I’m still gonna have to get d#$g tested routinely for the next month “just to be sure.”

I was told I’m not in trouble or anything and can continue work, but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing! Well, I ended up finding out who it was that reported me. And I was so pissed because I literally could’ve gotten fired and my whole career would’ve been on the line. Well a few days ago, I invited most of my colleagues to a big event I’m having in a few weeks.

I never confronted that colleague and have just been keeping my distance for the sake of professionalism and definitely did not invite her. The day after I sent the invitations out (which was a flier through direct message) the colleague approached me and asked me why didn’t I send her an invitation, guess she heard about it from others.

I was honest and told her it was because she falsely reported me and almost got me fired. She said she was trying to do what was right and I can’t blame her because the risk that I was h!gh and operating on patients is too great. I said “I understand where you’re coming from, but instead of asking me about it you went directly to our superior and almost cost me my career, which you haven’t apologized for.”

She said she wasn’t gonna apologize for doing the right thing. Then I said I had to check on a patient and walked away. I get she was trying to do the right thing, but she ended up doing it to the wrong person and thinks she’s in the right. Well, I disagree and don’t want her at my event now, but I do feel kind of bad for excluding her and am curious to if she is right and if I’m just being stubborn.

So AITA for excluding my worker for after she reported me and almost got me fired?

People had lots of comments and questions about the situation.

Numerous_Giraffe_570 wrote:

As a doctor, you’ll be put in that situation. You meet a lovely family they are really friendly love their children but you find multiple fractures on a child. Or a couple with a lovely partner who is so nice brings the partner a dozen red roses but the partner is covered with bruises because they fell down. If you ask either of them what happened are you going to be 1000% sure they are telling you the truth.

Because if you're wrong….

That’s similar to the situation your college was in. Yes, they could ask you. But yes you could lie.

(As a doctor you should know this, I don’t know how that -enter strange object- ended up there!, or of course I took that medication I don’t know why my blood test are saying i didn’t) If they don’t question it and it’s true this could have disastrous consequences. It’s your event you don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to but think about it when you're in that situation. What would you do?

JustCallMePeace wrote:

NTA it's your event and you can invite whoever you wish, her not apologizing and doubling down even when she knows what she did and then still wanting to go to YOUR event, is disgusting behaviour and I would not be surprised if not many people enjoy her company, I would just do the event and have fun, don't worry about her and her feelings cause she definitely didn't care about yours OR your livelihood.

If you actually were doing dr*gs you obviously wouldn't be working there anymore but you aren't and she has not been professional and apologized for almost/trying to ruining your career.

thequejos wrote:

NTA. What she heard was like a comedy routine you two used to lesson the tension of a high-stress situation. She could have discussed it with you like an adult. She sees the world as only black or white with no gray areas. (Thus the self righteous attitude.) I would keep away from her as well.

Eris-Ares wrote:

Like, let me get it clear, she works with you, knows you're pregnant, and really thought you were doing d$%gs ?! And before asking you, she just went to your superior?

And now, that she knows she fked up, she's not even apologizing for costing you hours, not asking you or your friend what was going on and just throwing you under the bus BUT still want to get unvited at your baby shower...? NTA.

MsSmartyPants- wrote:

Only in the most technical aspects of the question could you be NTA as you are not obligated to include anyone in a party; however, in a broader context you are 100% the AH. You told a series of poorly thought-out jokes about addiction and criminal behavior in a competitive setting in which you’re rightly held to a higher standard.

You are now pissy that people didn’t find it funny and investigated it. She was probably genuinely trying to do the right thing. Even if some of her motivation in reporting was competition your joking about a drug addiction in a residency program on shift is all on you.

You don’t have to invite anyone anywhere but YTA for treating her like a pariah over your bad judgement. You need to own up to your part of this whole situation.

After receiving varying feedback, OP jumped on with a few updates and clarifications.

Edit: To those saying it didn’t effect me, I had to miss a day of work because I couldn’t go back until the results came. So that is hours I will have to make up and I’m already taking time off for future maternity leave.

“Is it a work or personal event? If personal, why are you inviting colleagues to a personal event?”

It’s a personal event. Baby shower to be exact. I’m only in the 2nd trimester, but am having it earlier for irrelevant reasons.

I’m inviting colleagues because another colleague invited most people they worked with to their wedding last year and I felt it was polite to do the same. I’ve only invited people I actually work or interact with often. She is someone I interact with somewhat often so I think that’s why she feels it’s not fair she’s getting excluded.

Edit 2: “That’s not funny”. Some of y’all have no humor. I guess my humor is more dark, so I can see how some plain people wouldn’t find it funny

Edit 3: for those asking how I found out: My friend/colleague, the one who was joking with me, was talking to her about something the day I had to miss while waiting for the results. And she asked if I was coming in that day because I was on the schedule before and he said that I couldn’t come in today.

And I guess she took that as I fired and said “oh good, she needs help.” Then I guess she admitted she was the one who reported and he explained the context of the situation then said she was like “Oh okay.”

Edit 4: “Are you intentionally not inviting her because she reported you?” I guess yes because she was on my initial list of people to send the invites to. But I no longer feel comfortable having someone that reported me around me on a personal aspect and do not need that at my baby shower.

While people seem to agree OP is NTA, there are a few detractors that leans towards ESH because of the context of the jokes.