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Woman asks if she was wrong to out transphobic coworker; 'Why would you even say that?'

Woman asks if she was wrong to out transphobic coworker; 'Why would you even say that?'


'AITA for exposing my coworker's bathroom habits?'

I (25F) work at a smaller company of about 15 people. I get along with pretty much everyone with the exception of someone we'll call Alexis (40F). Alexis is very socially conservative and I am not. I do my best to not talk about things I know will cause an argument, but they sometimes happen anyway.

One time I used the bathroom right after the cleaning crew finished cleaning it and didn't bother putting the toilet seat down because I was just going to squat to pee. I washed my hands and when I exited, I bumped straight into Alexis. I apologized and went on with my day.

For the next two weeks, I thought Alexis was being particularly sanctimonious, but I didn't say anything as it wasn't too out of character. The subject of women's sports came up during lunch and she made a snide comment along the lines of, 'People like OP ruin them for everyone else.'

I'm immediately confused. I’ve never been athletically inclined at any age, so ask, 'Do you mean tall people?' 'No, 'women' that are still biologically men,' she says with a glare.

At the time, this came out of left field. I am a cisgender woman. While I am still a tomboy in my interests, I am very physically feminine presenting. I said, 'Okay, one: There is nothing wrong with being transgender. Two: I am not transgender. Why would you even say that?'

'You can't fool me. I saw you come out of the bathroom and the toilet seat was UP.' I stared in disbelief as she seemed convinced this was the biggest 'gotcha' moment. She couldn't even hide her smug smile.

'I squatted, Alexis.' The energy of the room was getting very awkward, so I decided to make a joke. 'Are you telling me that you park your bare ass on the toilet seat in public restrooms?' She turned bright red. Apparently she did, because she started muttering something about 'not being weird' before bursting into tears and leaving the room.

My coworkers think it was rude of me to 'expose' her like that, but I don't think I did anything wrong for trying to defuse a situation she put herself in. AITA?

EDITS, I'd like to address a few things:

1. A lot of you mentioned going to HR. I wasn't going to because I thought I would get in trouble too, but if I had been trans, this story could have ended very differently. I'm going to arrange a meeting.

2. I hear you all loud and clear about squatting vs sitting. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with OCD in the height of the pandemic and many of my delusions are centered around germs and contamination. I'm gonna work on that, but sitting may not be in my future. At the very least, I'm going to look into pelvic floor exercises so I don't end up incontinent at 40.

3. A lot of you think this is fake, and considering that a majority of shit on Reddit never happened, I don't blame you. I was a professional fiction writer for awhile and I try to make what I write at least a little bit interesting to read, so my style may be throwing you off.

If I did make this up, I probably would have had at least one coworker in solidarity with me and, I don't know, maybe I did volleyball in high school? I'm a very lame protagonist.

Here's how people (who believed OP) judged OP:

Phoinix7 writes:

NTA. Alexis’s comments are literally defined as sexual harassment. If your coworkers didn’t comment on that part at all, then they’re all assholes like Alexis. You just educated Alexis on the fact that you don’t have to sit down completely to pee regardless of biological sex.

thebathroomexpose OP responded:

I live in a very conservative place and if I reported her, I suspect nothing would happen to her. On the other hand, I might get in trouble for talking about her butt.

Aggravating_Start411 writes:

YTA for not just sitting down. I don't understand. Who, besides you, refuses to sit on the toilet? What exactly do you think is going to happen??

thebathroomexpose OP responded:

I think my OCD is going to be very unhappy with me. I know that I'm not catching diseases from a toilet seat, but I can't get over my icks.

Significant_Many1323 writes:

So she can handle everyone knowing she's transphobic but can't handle people knowing she sits when she pees? NTA

No_Substance_6082 writes:

Tbh, I assumed she was upset because the OP stood up for herself and no one came to her aid, and the embarrassment of her toilet habits were just her cover story for that. Bigots don't like to be called out.

Edited to add: NTA she got what she deserved. She thought she called you out on your toilet habits. Definitely a HR issues to stop this before any transfolk come out or are hired

Sources: Reddit
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