It's one thing to spy on your children and the people you pay to watch them, but what about watching your husband who is sick in bed while you're at the office? So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about a privacy war at her office over her coworker's nanny cam, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
My (f29) coworker (f32) has been going through some rough times lately. Her husband is sick (respiratory issues) and was admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks. He's at home now and is bedridden.
The other day, we were (me, her and other coworkers) sitting together chattering when I noticed my coworker looking at a live video of her husband sleeping in their bedroom. Out of curiosity I asked her about it and she said she installed a nanny cam to be able to watch her husband while she's away from home.
Not gonna lie, this felt kind of violating to me especially when she said he didn't know she put the cam in there. I pointed at her phone and said that it was creepy if her to do that and without him knowing about it.
The other coworkers stared at us and she lashed out saying that she was doing this out of concern for him, because although his sister comes over to take care of him, she (my coworker) still needs to keep an eye on him.
I said that this was my opinion and that situations like this do not exactly excuse violating someone's privacy. She got mad and said that I must be projecting which might be true but still, it was about the concept of privacy.
We had an argument and got a bit loud and she walked away upon saying that I was judgemental and that it was none of my business anyway.
The other coworkers were split on this. Some chose to stay out of it and some agreed with me that my coworker has no respect for her husband's privacy.
Giving the current atmesphere at the office, I'm beginning to think that I shouldn't have talked to her about it. She keeps avoiding me now.
Spying on your husband is completely unacceptable without his permission, but it's definitely even creepier that this woman decided that her healing partner should be on display for all her coworkers to watch in his most vulnerable state. Forget 'The Kardashians,' it's time to tune into everyone's favorite reality show: what is my husband up to at this exact moment?
MaybeAWalrus said:
NTA (Not the As*hole). Having a cam to monitor how her husband is doing after medical issues is legitimate and probably gives her peace of mind. But NOT TELLING HIM ?! Definitely creepy. Why ? This is a huge breach of trust.
FakenFrugenFrokkels said:
NTA. Your coworker is an AH for not telling hubby there’s a cam. All that said - there’s another reason that camera is there without his knowledge. Only your coworker knows and it’s why she blew up.
tuaxngrwpxgy said:
ESH (Everyone Sucks Here) - yeah it’s creepy and she should definitely tell him but it is really not your business and you definitely shouldn’t be arguing personal issues with coworkers. 100% not your place.
Urbanspy87 said:
NTA. If he is of sound mind and doesn't know he is being observed this is a major violation, even if they are married. She may have good intentions or be doing it out of fear but it would rub me the wrong way.
JazzyKnowsBest13 said:
NTA. Your coworker wanting the video cam for safety to check in on her husband is appropriate. Not telling him about it is inappropriate and an invasion of his privacy. Consent matters.
JazzyKnowsBest13 said:
YTA (You're the As*hole). It’s none of your damn business. She is his primary caregiver and, clearly, sole provider and she is doing what she feels is best for her situation. It isn’t for you to judge. You asking what others think of it is literally gossiping at her place of work which is an AH thing to do. You’re more worried about being right than the fact that she’s doing her damn best.
While the opinions where slightly mixed here, most people agreed that this coworker wasn't wrong to question the camera, but ultimately this is an issue for her to work out with her husband and not the office. Good luck, everyone!