The most hilariously tragic breakup stories the internet has ever seen (except for yours).

The most hilariously tragic breakup stories the internet has ever seen (except for yours).

Nobody likes getting dumped. It's humiliating and sickening to be rejected by the one person who you thought wasn't going to reject you. But life goes on, and there are surprising benefits. For one thing, your breakup might become a horrifying, weird, or sad story that you can tell on Reddit. These people traded romantic bliss for viral fame and never looked back:

The most hilariously tragic breakup stories the internet has ever seen (except for yours).
She's taking it well.

1. Poor BartokTheBat realized that food and relationships are both seemingly wonderful things that are actually loaded with poison.

One guy broke up with me after he'd been cheating on me for 6 months. He took me to a restaurant to try and "mend" the relationship. I was hospitalised with food poisoning a day later. The day after that I woke up at 6am - still in this hospital - to a text that said "I just don't want to be your boyfriend." He then called himself my best friend and phoned me at 6pm that night to see how I was "coping" with the break up. Asshole.

2. As this story from lipstick_dipstick proves, camping just isn't romantic.

Broke up with a guy after a few weeks. He decided to pitch a tent in my backyard until i took him back. Said he was gonna stay there until I loved him again. Ya, nope. That lasted half an hour. Step dad chased him off the property so fast.

3. The ex-boyfriend of maniacal-seahorse is a lot of things, and unreasonably sentimental is one of those things.

My first relationship last 5 years, during which my boyfriend explained that he needed to be with someone for 5 years before he knew if it was going to last. Had mentioned multiple times that he would propose on our 5th anniversary. Day comes around, he takes me to dinner, then to the location of our first kiss. Where he proceeds to break up with me.


4. If dontbitelee ever has a bad birthday again, at least it won't be as bad as this one.

Dated for about 4 months, really intense connection, texting everyday and talking on the phone usually twice a week. But physically, things are going slowly. One night I admit to him that I'm a virgin, and a few weeks later we have sex. The next day I leave on a long-weekend vacation and he knows I like my space, so I don't hear from him. We have set plans for when I return so no worries. I return home and text him that I'm back. A day later I get a brief break-up text, "It's not working out. Sorry about the bad timing" What was the bad timing? Well aside from having my-first-time sex with me 4 days prior, it was my birthday.


5. The tables turned for abushekjamez, as they absolutely should have.

I was actually the one who did the breaking up in this situation. To be fair I was 15 at the time. I decided to break up with her because she was gaining weight. Anyways I thought I couldn't tell her that.

At that time she was meeting a psychologist. She told me it was for ADHD. So when I did break up with her , I did it through text. She asked me why , I said " I don't want to be with a crazy person lol .". Turns out she was going to the psychologist for depression.

Her brother gave me a black eye and a gut punch the next day. My Dad asked me what happened, I told him. He told I deserved it and kicked me out of the house. He wouldn't let me back in until I got my ex to call him and tell him that I gave her a satisfactory apology.


6. Yeah, Arixa, it seemed nice and you can blame yourself… but he did break into your locker, which is weird and creepy.

Worst thing I have done? Broke up with a guy in person while opening my locker, the same place he stashed a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a mushy card.

7. LeafRivers is either the world's most unlovable or unluckiest man. Possibly both.

Last three ended via...

Christmas Night, she was sick and wanted to go to the hospital so I brought her. We were both scheduled to be at work (yeah, sucks) so I went to work alone and bailed her out. She went off and fucked another dude instead of going to the hospital. Called me mid-fuck and broke up with me at work.

Before that! I was having a heart attack or something, literally dying. She broke it off and left me alone. I died on the way to the hospital some hours later they say but they were nice enough to revive me.

and 3rd: My marriage ended when I came home from work on our 6th anniversary. I got off early and was going to do the whole romantic thing but only found her fucking 2 dudes at the same time. I did not join in. To be fair, she didn't know it was our anniversary.


8. Never leave them an opening, Ll-Santino. Never!

This wasn't me, but how a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. They were on the phone, and she said, "I love you," to which he responded, "I love you more!" She said, "Actually, you probably do," and proceeded to tell him how she'd gone on a date with another guy.

The most hilariously tragic breakup stories the internet has ever seen (except for yours).
"You hang up first. No, wait!"

9. There is so much unnecessary technology involved in this story from Snowflyy that it's quite believable the person at fault might be perceived as a little cold and distant.

She typed up a letter on a Word document and sent it as an attachment on a Facebook message, and texted me while I was at work to check my messages when I get home.


10. They say there's something about the ions that makes people get their best ideas in the shower. An ex-girlfriend of VanGoner got the idea to break up with him.

We were naked and in the shower together - the worst part was that she wanted to talk and talk and the hot water ran out and we were still naked and talking in a tiny shower.

The most hilariously tragic breakup stories the internet has ever seen (except for yours).
Who wouldn't dump Ross?

11. To be fair, MushroomMountain123, she was right. It's true for everybody.

After I hit puberty, she broke up with me because I wasn't "adorable" anymore.

12. It's a humble person who admits that they can't do everything on their own and asks for help. That's what aydiosmio's ex-girlfriend did with their breakup.

My second girlfriend and I were hanging out at Barnes and Noble, sitting in an aisle. We come to some discussion about our relationship, long story short...

She demands that I break up with her, because she doesn't have the heart to do it herself.

I obliged.


13. But on the bright side of this massive display of manipulation, weevhy, everybody was okay!

A mutual friend called me up in a panic saying my girlfriend had been hit by a car. I freaked out and hauled ass on my bicycle a mile and a half to her house only to find a ridiculous amount of purple makeup and a sheepish-looking girlfriend. The mutual "friend" had arranged a bullshit situation just to get me to come over.

The "friend" took me aside and "gently" explained how my girlfriend had been cheating on me with some other guy and how "guppies" like me should be with other guppies instead of a shark like her.


14. An ex of mikandrews19 was wise to obey their horoscope. Any time you don't, the entire fabric of existence is threatened.

An ex of mine texted me requesting if I could forward him his daily horoscope. It ended up saying something like "go ahead and let go of what ever is holding you back"

He replied half an hour later "cool well I'm dumping you"

15. MsAlign's story shows that the true language of love is an approximation of sign language.

Through sign language.

Neither of us is deaf or mute. Neither of us knows ASL or any other form of sign language.

It took two hours of mute gestures before he finally spat it out verbally. And then he was mad when I kicked him out of my parents' house and refused to drive him to his house.


What's your worst breakup story? Tweet it to us at @someecards or share it on our Facebook page, and maybe we'll post it. That would teach your ex a lesson.