Despite the rise of divorce selfies and people claiming to get along amicably with their exes, divorce is unfortunately a messy business much of the time. Someone recently asked the divorce lawyers of Reddit: "what's the worst way you've seen someone fuck over their spouse?" And holy broken matrimony did Reddit deliver.
Most of these replies aren't from actual divorce lawyers—but from people who have been divorced or know someone who has. But you'll get the picture. And after reading these, you may just reconsider saying "I do" at your next wedding.
Or at least you'll make sure to sign a prenup.
1. Que_n_fool_STL witnessed true savagery:
No lawyer, but at the time I worked on bank equipment, my favorite was opening safety deposit boxes for the bank. Do I was asked to get there before the bank opened which was odd. I show up and greet the bank employee along with a lawyer and a very angry looking woman. I get the lock open and swing the door open as the angry woman shouts "let me in there!" And I step outside the vault. "That MOTHER FUCKER!" And storms off, but she threw down a piece of paper that said "Fuck you bitch". It had been a nasty divorce and the ex husband got there before she did.
2. Meat not-cute, via pumpkin_lord:
I'm am accountant not a divorce lawyer. Had a client hide Ziploc bags of ground meat throughout the house (in air vents, the attic, behind water heater etc.) I think it was at least 20-30 bags that took months to find all of them.
3. Bad credit kills, via bigguy1045:
I had a co-worker once where the wife racked up well over 150k in credit card debt right before she divorced him! He worked overtime for literally the rest of his life just to be able to survive. Unfortunately he died from a heart attack, probably due to all the stress that she left him with!
4. Taking the spiteful route home, from flintlocks519:
Story from my parents who are lawyers. So throughout the divorce proceedings, there was a car that was a huge point of contention between the husband and wife. After months and months of saying he would never let the wife have the car, the husband concedes in exchange for something great, like one of their summer houses. It turns out he had been driving the car for 3 hours everyday in a big loop around the city, putting thousands and thousands of miles on it basically making it worthless. The amount of planning and spite that went into that was amazing.
5. I got 99 luxury problems and a b*tch is one, from stokels:
My in-laws are mega into food and wine, as in they literally travel the world on food and wine tours, are part of clubs, etc. They told me about a nasty divorce where the husband was the wine aficionado, not the wife, but the wife was pissed off about getting divorced. The husband got all the wines in their extensive cellar, but before he was able to collect them, the wife soaked every bottle to remove ALL of the labels. So technically the wine was not damaged, but the husband had no way to know what he was drinking for aging and pairing purposes (which is a huge deal to wine drinkers).
6. Revenge is a dish best served ice cold, or hot in the summer, via aHipShrimp:
Not a lawyer. Wife cheats on her husband during his frequent travels for work. She files for divorce and gets to keep the house. Months elapse and the husband is still rightfully pissed but has no recourse. Then he has an epiphany: "I wonder if she changed the password to the Nest Thermostat?" She did not.
For the next year he continues to mess with the thermostat. In the middle of summer when they're sleeping in HIS bed, he turns the heat on to 90 degrees at 3 a.m. Middle of winter? Time to shut off the heat and hope the pipes freeze. Away on vacation? Turn the air conditioning down to 55 and let it run 24/7 for a nice surprise bill when they get home.
7. badmotivator11 was married to Satan (you'll scream):
My ex and I separated before the divorce. She agreed to watch the dog while I found a new place. She had the dog put down instead.
8. How to Lose a Wife and Get a Boat in 10 Days, via Killtrend:
A guy I knew said he did this:
He caught his wife cheating. He slashed her tires that night out of anger.
During the time before he filed he bought a truck and a boat with all their savings knowing she'd have to pick one when they split assets.
That's how he got the boat he always wanted.
9. philippinethinking was in a coma, and that's not the worst part:
I think I win this one . Except I was the one who got fucked. My ex and I had separated and about 3 months later I was in a serious accident on a sunday night . Drs said I would not live , So my ex who was still listed on life insurance went on a spending spree. 9am Monday she bought a new car in my name . By now I was placed in a coma . By day 4 of coma , she had bought a time share condo car big screen tvs taken out bank loans opened credit cars , By time I recovered she had racked up $429,000 debt in my name . a year later divorce starts and judge ordered credit reports and this was all found . Long story short I still had to give her a truck load of money she got the debt handed to her . She filed bankruptcy , and only spent 6 weeks in jail
Before reading these, philippinethinking, we would have agreed that you "win this one." But at least nobody put down your dog!
10. Love in a time of Blue-Rays, via jcb193:
My ex-wife gave me all my Blu-Rays back, which was nice. A year later I realized she had removed one disc from each of the Trilogy box sets.
11. Not a story, just good advice. Via psycho1social:
TL:DR sign a pre-nup
Maybe remaining single and co-habitating with a roommate isn't such a bad plan after all.