Breakups

<p>And the trophy for Most Inventive <a href="https://www.someecards.com/love/sex/ridiculous-cheating-saga/">Excuse for Cheating</a> goes to the ex-boyfriend of <a href="https://twitter.com/bxllaneira" target="_blank">Bella</a>, a self-described <a href="https://twitter.com/bxllaneira/status/834588021743816704" target="_blank">&quot;Puerto Rican princess&quot;</a> and somewhat of a Twitter phenomenon.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/bxllaneira/status/891931822237548544</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Bella recently went viral when she posted screenshots of texts from her now-ex boyfriend who <a href="https://www.someecards.com/love/dating-relationships/cheaters-caught/">cheated</a> on her. In the texts, he launches into an epic, insane explanation for cheating, in which he ultimately claims he <em>had</em> to accept a blow job from a woman at a bar in order to <em>cure cancer</em>.</p><div><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="269" scrolling="no" src="https://giphy.com/embed/l3vR54rPBlbRW9wPK" width="480"></iframe> <p>Yes, I am serious, Fred Armisen. The story begins, like so many cheating sagas, with booze.</p> </div><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" height="1244" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/image-x7JisX.png" width="700" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> </figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>&quot;I didn&#39;t even get head tho babe,&quot; he argued. Before telling a story of <em>how he got head.</em> His story continues:</p><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" height="1244" src="//cdn.someecards.com/posts/image-T4nP2q.png" width="700" /></div> <figcaption></figcaption> </figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Okay, so just to paraphrase his argument: if this man had turned down this woman&#39;s generous blow job offer, she could have left the bar, walked into the street drunk and gotten hit by a car (that&#39;s how badly she wanted to give this guy a blow job!). But the car accident isn&#39;t even the most tragic part of this hypothetical story: the hypothetical guy driving the car has hypothetical kids. Their dad is arrested, so they grow up without a father. Growing up in a structureless single parent home, they end up on the streets instead of pursuing their true passions: becoming a doctor and a lawyer. And apparently the hypothetical doctor, or the hypothetical lawyer (as a side hobby?), was the one to have found &quot;the solution&quot; for cancer.</p><p>So there you go, this man HAD to accept this woman&#39;s blow job, to save &quot;everyone&quot; from cancer (because we&#39;re all going to get it eventually, I guess?).</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><div><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="363" src="https://giphy.com/embed/sjDV6YTbw8tig" width="480"></iframe> <p>Bella shared screenshots of their one-way conversation (because as you can see, she did not respond to his plea to take him back), and they quickly went viral:</p> </div><oembed>https://twitter.com/bxllaneira/status/891931822237548544</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>People are divided. Because even though this might be one of the most bullshit excuse for cheating ever recorded, this guy&#39;s dedication to trying to get away with it is... inspiring people. And many even seem to think she should take him back.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/xJD97/status/892127402717007873</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Others disagree.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Lmao no she shouldn&#39;t</p>&mdash; Monique (@Mxnxquee) <a href="https://twitter.com/Mxnxquee/status/892137524805742592?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 31, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>But others agree??</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/MichaelNoSpaces/status/892146933019574272</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>And now everyone is arguing about whether she should take back this cancer-curing hero, or dump this cheating liar.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">No she shouldn&#39;t.. <a href="https://t.co/zbmGdqxL7I">pic.twitter.com/zbmGdqxL7I</a></p>&mdash; 🍭 (@kaitlyn_ghaney) <a href="https://twitter.com/kaitlyn_ghaney/status/892151142045634560?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 31, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><oembed>https://twitter.com/MichaelNoSpaces/status/892151642480664577</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><oembed>https://twitter.com/louromesburg/status/892152282405625856</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><oembed>https://twitter.com/MichaelNoSpaces/status/892152937736269825</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><oembed>https://twitter.com/keepit2gtherkid/status/892089279781982209</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Others think she should leave him, but not because of the cheating:</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">She need to leave him anyway bc he clearly is not educated well in spelling</p>&mdash; Jay 🤎✨ (@BruhChilI) <a href="https://twitter.com/BruhChilI/status/892074910905909251?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 31, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Because*</p>&mdash; 🤷🏽‍♂️ (@Cookemm_K) <a href="https://twitter.com/Cookemm_K/status/892101132238987264?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 31, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><oembed>https://twitter.com/cje91011/status/892067410186051585</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>None of the internet&#39;s opinion on this subject really matters though, because clearly Bella is NOT taking him back.</p><div><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="331" src="https://giphy.com/embed/q1zsIXcp8N2ne" width="480"></iframe></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Guy defends cheating because he had to 'save everyone from cancer.' His ex isn't buying it.

And the trophy for Most Inventive Excuse for Cheating goes to the ex-boyfriend of Bella, a self-described &quot;Puerto Rican princess&quot; and somewhat of a Twitter phenomenon.https://twitter.com/bxllaneira/status/891931822237548544Bella recently went viral when she posted screenshots of texts from her now-ex boyfriend who cheated on her. In the texts, he launches into an epic, insane explanation for cheating, in which he ultimately claims he had to accept a blow job from a woman at a bar in order to cure cancer. Yes, I am serious, Fred Armisen. The story begins, like so many cheating sagas, with booze.   &quot;I didn&#39;t even get head tho babe,&quot; he argued. Before telling a story of how he got head. His story continues:  Okay, so just to paraphrase his argument: if this man had turned down this woman&#39;s generous blow job offer, she could have left the bar, walked into the street drunk and gotten hit by a car (that&#39;s how badly she wanted to give this guy a blow job!). But the car accident isn&#39;t even the most tragic part of this hypothetical story: the hypothetical guy driving the car has hypothetical kids. Their dad is arrested, so they grow up without a father. Growing up in a structureless single parent home, they end up on the streets instead of pursuing their true passions: becoming a doctor and a lawyer. And apparently the hypothetical doctor, or the hypothetical lawyer (as a side hobby?), was the one to have found &quot;the solution&quot; for cancer.So there you go, this man HAD to accept this woman&#39;s blow job, to save &quot;everyone&quot; from cancer (because we&#39;re all going to get it eventually, I guess?). Bella shared screenshots of their one-way conversation (because as you can see, she did not respond to his plea to take him back), and they quickly went viral: https://twitter.com/bxllaneira/status/891931822237548544People are divided. Because even though this might be one of the most bullshit excuse for cheating ever recorded, this guy&#39;s dedication to trying to get away with it is... inspiring people. And many even seem to think she should take him back.https://twitter.com/xJD97/status/892127402717007873Others disagree.Lmao no she shouldn&#39;t&mdash; Monique (@Mxnxquee) July 31, 2017 But others agree??https://twitter.com/MichaelNoSpaces/status/892146933019574272And now everyone is arguing about whether she should take back this cancer-curing hero, or dump this cheating liar.No she shouldn&#39;t.. pic.twitter.com/zbmGdqxL7I&mdash; 🍭 (@kaitlyn_ghaney) July 31, 2017 https://twitter.com/MichaelNoSpaces/status/892151642480664577https://twitter.com/louromesburg/status/892152282405625856https://twitter.com/MichaelNoSpaces/status/892152937736269825https://twitter.com/keepit2gtherkid/status/892089279781982209Others think she should leave him, but not because of the cheating:She need to leave him anyway bc he clearly is not educated well in spelling&mdash; Jay 🤎✨ (@BruhChilI) July 31, 2017 Because*&mdash; 🤷🏽‍♂️ (@Cookemm_K) July 31, 2017 https://twitter.com/cje91011/status/892067410186051585None of the internet&#39;s opinion on this subject really matters though, because clearly Bella is NOT taking him back.