Breakups are tough, but there's nothing like a guilt-mongering Hail Mary attempt at reconciliation that can bring a couple back together. Redditor mrclc posted the texts their friend got from her ex-boyfriend, with the accompanying stellar clapback.
How did the ex think it would work? For her to reply, "Come over, let me fondle your balls, I know how to diagnose testicular cancer?"
Or perhaps, "Wow, the chance of cancer makes up for any problems in our relationship, because one of the side effects changes your personality and compensates for any past wrongdoings?"
Nice try, guy.
(Hope your sack's okay, though.)