Getting dumped is the pits; no one likes to be rejected. And on top of that, you're supposed to feel bad for the person who just dumped you, because of their whole, "You know, this hurts me, too" spiel. But sometimes you really don't have to feel bad for them at all, because they're just straight up jerks. It used to be considered poor form to break up with someone any other way than in person, but in the age of emails and texts, getting dumped over the phone sounds almost romantic. Over on Reddit, people shared the stories of the most ridiculous ways they've been dumped…and honestly, a lot of them are pretty funny (although they almost definitely weren't at the time).
So who's going to be the first person to get dumped over Slack?
1. DevilZee's ex's way of breaking up was what you'd call business casual.
Hey Michael, fuck you.
(It's cool. It was roughly 14 years ago. I only kind of still wish that something he loves catches on fire.)
2. The guy comatosebutaudible was dating chose not just the wrong time to dump her, but also the wrong way and the wrong place. Trifecta!
Dated for four years. We went to the beach with my family that weekend, and all drove in the same car. Me and him rode in the backseat on the way home and I fell asleep on his shoulder. I woke up from a text from him saying he was dumping me...so not only did we treat this guy to a free vacation, he had the audacity to dump me while I was asleep, through a text, in front of my parents, while we were all trapped in a car for the next 3 hours. Looking back it was hilarious, but I definitely didn't think so at the time.
3. Somewhat_lost's ex-husband blamed the break up on God. God: "Hey, leave me out of this, you cheating asshole."
My ex-husband told me that he had been meditating all day, had an out of body experience, and a god had told him that we weren't meant to be together. He didn't specify which god, and I never asked.
Eventually found out that he had been sleeping with another woman. Big surprise, right?
4. Sixfootfree's friend didn't technically break up with his girlfriend via text. That was so very kind of him.
Not me but a guy I know once sent a text saying "I don't want to dump you via text so I'll call you in the morning."
5. Varisforge's wife kept it short and simple.
My first wife woke up on the 58th day of marriage, looked me in the eye and said, "This isnt really working for me, I'm gonna go."
I didn't see her again until we were sitting in the lawyers office signing the papers.
6. Kendiara's ex-boyfriend wins the award for most cowardly.
Went over to my boyfriends house Saturday morning and stayed the weekend. Everything was normal, had sex, talked all the stuff you do. Monday after work I get the mail and see a letter from him postmarked on Friday, telling me that its just not working out.
I called him just to ask how there was no time in the last 48 hours to maybe mention this?
7. NormativeTruth learned about the end of her marriage at the same time as everyone else.
My x husband changed his relationship status on FB from 'married to [me]' to 'in a relationship with [skank]' while sitting next to me on the couch. A mutual friend texted me... Yay.
8. Kleewankenobi's ex's pathetic breakup message added insult to injury.
My first boyfriend back in like ninth grade was kind of a dick. He texted me in the middle of math class and said "our relationship sucks balls, I'm breaking up with you." Since this was back in 2008 I had an enormous brick phone that I couldn't take out and use without the teacher noticing, I ignored the text. He was sitting behind me and he kept poking me and telling me to check my messages and eventually I do and the teacher notices, comes over and takes my phone, and reads the text out loud before I got the chance to read it myself. Ninth grade sucked.
9. If all else fails, get your mommy to do it for you, like EddiePsgetti's fiancée did.
From my fiance's mom. Got a call from her mom while my fiance was in boot camp: "She's not sure she wants to go through with it...."
10. Or your new girlfriend, like in sezrawr's case.
He got his new girlfriend to call me and dump me!
11. Or you could be a total wuss and just wait until one of your friends tells him about it, like in WoT_Noob's situation.
I got an email.
From her friend.
The email said, "Hey, I'm sorry to hear about what happened."
Meanwhile, less than two hours prior, she was at my house riding me. Then when it was time for her to get back home, she said she loved me and left. We were 23 years old, dated for three years, had been friends since junior year. It was march 31st at 11pm. I called her and asked her if it was some april fools joke.
It was not.
12. Katypants is right—seriously, screw middle school.
This boy I had been dating for 4 days in 6th grade met me in the hallway to give me a crumpled Kleenex that said something along the lines of "I'm breaking up with you, and if you want to know why, I am writing on it."
Apparently there was a rumor I "stuffed my bra" and that was clearly below his standards.
Fuck middle school.
13. AndTheSea's ex took ghosting to a whole new level.
He just left, one day he stopped answering his phone, no texts, no calls. After a few days of no communication I got worried and went to his apartment. Someone else opened the door, told me they had moved in a couple days ago. Douche-bag.
14. Abortionlasagna's ex gave her some information that would have been useful to her, say, an hour or so earlier.
Told me it wasn't working and we should see other people while we were cuddling after sex.
15. Pretzelsmakemesneeze thought her boyfriend was kidding. He wasn't.
I was playing a card game with my boyfriend of 3 years, his father, and 2 of his friends. He thought that I told his friend what cards he was holding; which I did not. He stood up and said "I can't do this anymore." And we all laughed at how he was overreacting to something I didn't even do. Then he proceeded to explain that he didn't want to be with me anymore and broke up with me right there in front of everyone. Obviously it was something he had been wanting to do but it was so confusing and heartbreaking and mortifying that it was done in front of people. To top it off it was Christmas Eve and he didn't speak to me for a whole TWO WEEKS once I left the house.
16. Sometimes maybe ghosting is actually better, as danielthemaster5 learned first-hand.
She said we needed to talk, came over to my apt. Then when we sat down to talk said I disgusted her and she never cared about me. Wished she'd never met me, then left. That was a real fun day
17. Dirka85's ex-girlfriend could use a little help with timing.
Was best man at brothers wedding dating maid of honor. Got dumped on the way to the wedding.
18. Sarah_Trekkie received poetry from her boyfriend, but not the kind most girls want.
When I was in 7th grade my first ever boyfriend broke up with me after seven months by getting someone else to hand me a note that said
Roses are red. Violets are blue. The grass is cut, And so are you.
And he didn't even write the note. Someone else did.
19. Bpelts' girlfriend's stepsister broke up with his dad.
She had her step sister call my parents phone (didn't have a cell phone then) to break up with me. Except my dad answered so she told him it was over. He simply said " I think you want to talk to my son." Looking back I think it's hilarious.
20. DanielSpanjar's ex literally spelled it out for him.
A game of hangman. "I want to be single" was the phrase that I had to guess. Needless to say I cried while walking 3 miles home.
21. This username was deleted but this is my absolute favorite.
Over skype chat message by a coworker 200 yards away from my desk.