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In answer to your question, "What the heck is mixed martial arts anyway?" Here's a photo. Mixed martial arts is the thing that does this to your face. This is why we always ask people what violent blood sports they have mastered before we commence with the robbing. We learned our lesson after getting our butt kicked by that guy in the tights who turned out to be way into Gymkata.

Best mug shot ever taken by a girl who just kneed a cop in the balls >>