First dates are tough. Normal people can seem weird because they're nervous, but the reverse is also true: weird people can fake normalcy for one evening. Two, on the other hand, is much harder. That's why the second date is often when you realize, "Oh boy, this person is actually crazy/awful/potentially dangerous." We asked our readers to share their worst second dates, and the responses poured in on Facebook and over email. Here are some of the best stories we received from people who luckily escaped date #3:
1. To ease into these tales of awkwardness, let's start with a date that was mercifully terminated before it started. Here, from an anonymous emailer, is the short story of Buttsex Jeff.
So, I went out with this guy I kinda knew from school once. Had a pretty decent first date. Nothing crazy—dinner, a movie, we talked for a while. He texted me a couple of days later, and asked if I wanted to go out with him again. We talked for a while, and then he asks, "So what are you into?" I assumed he was going in the direction of "what kinds of things would you want to do on our date," so I told him I liked the park, eating out, etc. "No, I like anal and blowjobs. What do you like?"
I never went on a second date with Buttsex Jeff, but it was almost a terrible one.
2. Then there's the case of the soon-to-be youth pastor, who is already full of really, really bad advice for his younger peers like Greta, who added this story on Facebook.
I was fifteen and had went out with this guy who was 19. Our first date was a double with his best friend and my friend who had been in a relationship for a while. The first date was dinner and a movie. The second date was us going to the park where he told me that he wanted to have sex with me but couldn't because he was going to school to be a pastor and would I go ahead and marry him so we wouldn't be committing a sin. I was fifteen and he was not who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and certainly didn't want to be my first. He was too dorky for any of that to be going on.
3. At first, the date Letty told us about on Facebook seems like he could just be a man who's had a complicated life, until you get to the end, when the story really blossoms.
Met a guy online and went to a bar to play pool and have a couple of cocktails. Sent me flowers the next day. Seemed pretty nice at the time so when he asked me to dinner that weekend I said yes. We get to the restaurant where
He says he really likes me but needs to tell me something. He has 2 kids by 2 different women and a 3rd on the way with a waitress he hooked up with. Obviously I couldn't control the shock on my face and said the date was over and I would call a friend to pick me up. He insisted on driving me home and cried the whole way.
The kicker? A week later I get a call from a florist asking if I know how to contact this guy because apparently he had racked up quite a bill sending flowers to other girls. You can't make this stuff up!
4. This reader wished to remain anonymous, and since this guy also seems to have considered it a not-great second date, anonymous she shall remain.
WARNING: Kind of graphic... maybe gross... but yah....
I met this guy at a local bar, we hit it off, exchanged numbers and went out for an awesome first date. Nice walk along the waterfront, dinner and drinks on a beautiful patio... ended the date on a kiss and a "Ill talk to you tomorrow". Second date started off just as awesome as the first. We rented paddle boards, had a picnic lunch on the beach, spent the rest of the night exploring different areas of the beach cliffs and hills, watching the stars all while getting tipsy on super shitty wine. I mean, I would have preferred prison wine made in a toilet.
Being drunk as we were we hailed down a cab, started to get down and dirty in it, the prison wine kicking in. Get back to his place where the JD started running and the clothes started falling. We had incredible crazy "someones gonna call the police because we are screaming and banging so loud" sex then passed out in a sweaty, satisfied pile on his bed.
Flash forward to the morning where I'm still half plastered and I'm covered in something wet. Its summer, the guys got no AC so I'm thinking between the two of us, and the sex from the night before that its just sweat until I focus my eyes and stare in horror at my bloody hand. I instantly sober up and look around and it looks like a goddamn crime scene. There's blood all over the sheets, the bed, the walls, US... its basically Dexter's wet dream and I'm laying in the middle of it. Looks like my period started the night before but due to me being so drunk and it being so dark we never noticed. And bless mother natures heart, it was seriously like the heaviest period of my life.
Thankfully he was still drunk and totally passed out. I grabbed my shit and RAN for the door. Never looked back. Never answered his calls. Especially the ones demanding I pay for the dry cleaning...
5. Jane emailed us from Africa, where she says the English is a little different, although it seems the jerks are pretty recognizable.
First I want to apologize for my English. I'm from Africa and English here is slightly different.
I met this guy in a club and he took me out on a date. The first date was really awesome. It was in a fancy place with candle lit dinner and some very expensive wine. The guy was well off so he did everything to perfection.
Well, the second date was a horror. The guy picked me up for dinner only for me to realize he is drunk. He then took me to dinner, refused to order and insisted I order. I just asked the waiter for some water while the guy is busy on his phone.
Around five minutes later two of his friends come and are very drunk. They insist we go to a place where they can have a drink and my guy drives us to some shitty place with cheap smelly liquor. I refuse to have anything and start insisting I be taken home. The friends started picking on me saying I am too proud and finally my guy accepts to drop me off. It was around midnight and there were no cabs so I couldn't go home without his help.
On the way he was over speeding and his friends were yelling how I have spoilt their fun evening. He dropped me off only for him to call me an hour later from the police station with charges of speeding, driving drunk and harassing an officer with his friends. I never checked on him to know if he got out and I don't really care.
6. "Hannah in Somerset" openly admits that she was the cause of the bad second date, although one could argue it's also a lesson about the importance of being honest on your first date. (Note: "GoApe" is a zip-line & climbing park.)
I went on a date arranged by my best friend (cause I just HAD to meet this guy from work) and we were both a bit nervous, laughed about it, had some wine and the evening went GREAT. He was handsome, funny, painted himself as a bit of a daredevil, liked extreme sports etc. He seemed perfect! He kissed me on the cheek as I hopped on the bus and asked me for a 2nd date. I agreed, and said that this time, I would organise it... Oops.
Second time around I decided that rather than restaurant, we'd do something a bit more fun, a bit of an adventure so he could show off some of his skills.
I chose GoApe. Again... Oops.
I didn't tell him where we were going, I decided to make it a surprise for him. So we rocked up to GoApe and he went quite quiet. I asked if he was ok, and he said 'Yeah, yeah, course- just getting in the 'zone''. I thought this was a tad weird but hey ho, he did this kinda thing a lot and this must be how he got in the groove.
We did the tree top adventure and I could see before we got on the ropes that something was wrong. He was getting strapped up by the lovely man called Seb that worked there and he was visibly pale. I thought he might be ill or something.
Again I asked if he was ok, again he said yes. So we started the tree top climb.
We got half way through the course (VERY slowly I might add as he was in front) and he started yelling for help!!
He stopped, hit the deck, clung on and refused to move!
I was shocked! It turns out that he had never done an extreme anything in his whole life, had severe vertigo and had just been trying to impress me by saying he liked extreme sports!
We were up there for about 15 minutes (by which point my date was crying) before Seb (the lovely helper) made it to us and helped talk him down. By this I mean he pushed him to get him off of the ropes as soon as possible! My date (let's call him Clive) was swinging and crying, got to the ground and curled up in a ball. Seb and I were dying laughing by this point and I completed the climb with his help (I wasn't that great with heights myself).
By the end of the adventure, Seb had asked me out, I had said yes, my date had run away (literally, never to be seen again) and now I've been dating Seb for about 6 months.
It was the worst 2nd date of my life, but also the best first date at the same time!
Also makes for a great 'how did you guys meet?'
7. Morgan wrote us about Bachelor #45, who is a fascinating case study in self-sabotage. Meanwhile, we're pretty sure Morgan has a spreadsheet somewhere that would be of great interest to romance scientists.
After a mediocre-but-pleasant-enough first date with Bachelor 45 (yes I numbers them) I agreed to go on a second date. I met Bachelor 45 at a local dive bar and he asked "hey is it cool if my friend joins us, he's at the bar next door." I thought that was weird but I said ok.
His friend came and he was hot AF and had a great personality. Funny, interesting, witty- did I mention hot AF? And British!
I did an A+ job to not reveal that I found his friend much more attractive and interesting, and to continue to shower my date with attention, but he kept making self-deprecating comments the entire night, mentioning that I was probably going to end up with his friend (at that point I was wishing that would happen).
My date proceeded to get wasted so I decided to go home. I hadn't even buckled my seat-belt in my car and I was already getting phone calls and texts from my date asking if I liked him. I immediately thought "Wtf is wrong with this guy? Why is he asking me if I 'like him' like he's a middle school girl."
I told him I was driving home and I couldn't talk so I hung up. The entire drive home he was blowing up my phone with calls and texts. Finally when I got home I text him "It's not my problem that you're so insecure and it isn't my problem you invited your hot friend on our date." I immediately blocked him and that was that.
8. Christy's bad second date was almost the worst kind possible, but even though it contains a guy who is practically a cliché of awfulness, it also has a happy ending.
A friend had introduced me to a guy at a party and we ended up hanging out. A week later I drove 1.5 hours to his town to go on our second date, which turned out to be a party where he pretty much ignored me while consuming 23 beers. (Yes, he counted.)
I drop him off at his place and he invites me in to say hi to his roommates, who conveniently aren't there. He says he needs to feed his dog, but that he and his roommates have rearranged the upstairs and I should take a look.
Next thing I know, he's hugging me from behind. As I feel his bony forearm, I realize that although he had just been wearing two shirts, they are now gone. He's stark naked. As I tell him I'm going to leave, I realize he'a taken off the doorknob to the room. There's no way to open the door. "I'm too drunk to fix it tonight," he said, "just sleep in my bed and I promise nothing will happen."
Naïve, 18-year-old-virgin me agrees, and soon he's trying to woo me with the words every girl longs to hear: "I've slept with 99 girls and I want you to be the 100th."
That's when I knew it was time to get out of there. I told him to open the door or I was going to scream until the police showed up. The doorknob was soon magically fixed and I managed to hold it together until I got to my car, where I sobbed for 20 minutes.
The next weekend I had an amazing second date with a really good guy. Yesterday was our 19th wedding anniversary.
9. Like Mandy who commented on Facebook, we literally have no idea what this dude's game plan was.
First date was an amazing Fourth of July weekend. Fun, food, all of the good stuff. Second date he invites me out. I get over to his place and he tells me he doesn't have time or energy to go out and can I go see a friend and come back in a day? I get into my car as he walks away and see that he has put a little blue box on my seat. It's a Tiffany's ring!! He then refuses my phone calls for days. Wtf. #mixedmessages
10. We've heard of dead-fishing it during sex, but Jessie on Facebook had a date who attempted to dead-fish his way to sex, with disappointing results.
Met a guy on a "blind date" with friends...seemed nice and kinda cute, so I agreed to see him again. He invited me to his "apartment" which turned out to be the basement of his parents hoarder house. He sat on the couch all "come hither" for like HOURS then wanted to "show me his bedroom". He laid on the bed, farted and was like "Well?" I said "Well, it's getting late so I think I am gonna go home". He didn't even get up, said "OK, bye then" and refused to even turn on the light when I mentioned I was unsure how to get back to the front door in the dark with all the obstacles. I had to feel my way out the door and NEVER spoke to him again.
11. Sometimes it's hard to know why things don't work out. Sometimes, like with Morgan's Thanksgiving date, it's poorly-concealed functional alcoholism.
To set up the scene for the bad second date, you have to know a little about the first. It was Thanksgiving and he had just moved to town and didn’t know anyone so he offered to cook me a traditional Thanksgiving feast. I mean turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, pie-the works.
We had dinner in his apartment, great conversation and it was really going well. I had mentioned there was a new movie out that I wanted to see so he said if I wanted to we could go the next evening. We arranged for me to meet him back at his apartment before heading to the movie. Awesome.
I show up the next day at the arranged time-mind you this was less than 12 hours later-and at first he didn’t answer the “buzz” to let me in. I figured ok, he just moved and it might not be set up correctly yet. Then I text him-no response. I waited a little while and then called him and he finally answered. He had fallen asleep so he was going to shower quick and then we could go, but for me to let myself into his apartment.
I walked in and the place was trashed! Like a frat party had taken place after I left last night. All the leftover booze we didn’t drink the evening before was gone-liters of vodka, 24 pack of beer, 4 bottles of wine-all empty. The guy didn’t fall asleep, he was passed out and super drunk. Says he missed his family over the holiday.
He tried to shower to sober up but could not stop puking and then insisted we still go to the movie and he wanted to drive and would not let me. I hightailed it out of there and left him puking in the parking garage. There was no third date.
12. Drea's second date, recounted via email, did exactly what her gentleman caller intended it to do: put the fear of God into her.
Our first date was normal enough: movie then dinner.
About a week later I was back in town and we went on a second date. He gave me the address and told me when. Start driving to the address and realize its leading me out of town, way into the prairie. I knew he lived out east, so I didn't think much of it, till the GPS had me turning into the parking lot of a very humble church... in the middle of a field.
I get out and realize there he is, in his Sunday best, with his entire family. My little pagan self is shaking in my dirty work boots. I met the entire family - grandparents, younger siblings, everyone. They introduced me to the pastor and filed me into the rows. Two hours of fire and brimstone preaching later, I'm ushered out with his sweaty hands death-gripping mine. If you've never been to a fire and brimstone church - it's terrifying. I saw women throwing themselves onto the ground, men foaming at the mouth. The final remarks by his mother consisted of "You're a lovely girl, you'll do wonderfully for our son" and the grandfather's comment on my "birthing hips".
One of the few times I felt justified in ghosting on someone.
13. Michelle, 36, also emailed us about someone she ghosted, and we feel comfortable saying her disappearance was wise.
The first date had gone well: he was cute, funny, respectful and a good kisser.
The second date was dinner and it went downhill quickly: he had the manners of a caveman, was rude to the waiter, had 2 kids with 2 different woman and had never been married. He commented how "cute my chubby thighs were" and even leaned over to bite them.
Here's the best part, though: on the drive back, he talks about how he "needed to take things slowly" and didn't want to rush things. Fine, no problem, I can handle slow. Slow is good. But... He also kept bragging about how well endowed he was. Knowing the second date was obviously the last, I played along, reminding him that those who brag are usually overcompensating for something.
Without missing a beat, he opens his pants and pulls out his penis. While driving. Then he asked the best question, "what do you think?"
I think we have very different definitions of talking this slowly.
Ghosted my way out of that one.
14. Adam wrote to us on Facebook, and even though the date wasn't disastrous compared to some of these other nightmares, we respect the weight he gives to someone's favorite movie.
When I was in college I would hit up the local McDonald's on occasion and there was this cute punk rock girl there who flirted with me all the time. One day on campus I saw her and asked her to come hang out with me. Our first date wound up being her watching me get a tattoo finished, eat some grub, and then watch Mst3k on my computer. We even ended things with some hanky panky.
We planned to get together in a couple days and have a second date. When she showed up, she had a mohawk, which fine whatever but also her eyebrows were completely shaved. She did this she said so she could draw them on funky whenever, but hadn't felt like doing them up today. She then told me her favorite movie was dragonheart! Dragonheart, who says that? And this wasn't when dragonheart first came out this was during the halcyon days of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers in theaters.
The second date is full of me leading the conversation and her not really talking and it becomes very awkward. She decides to spend an hour drawing eyebrows on her eyebrowless face in may bathroom and we hit up a bar, but she's actually only 19 and not 21 like she said, so we can't get in. She meets some friends on the street and they start talking and
I'm thinking the date is over but she follows me back to my place and more hanky panky occurs, except this time she leaves gigantic disgusting hickeys all over my neck, so much that I can't cover them up even with a collared shirt and tie for work the next day. When I woke up with her in my bed her eyebrows had rubbed off all over the sheets and her face and it was ridiculous. I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship and we went our separate ways until we had sloppy i-dont-wanna-be-alone-tonight valentine's day sex two years later.
15. Finally, here are some of the shorter bad dates we were sent. Thanks again to everyone who contributed on Facebook and email! First, we have Mickisha, who has a very good reminder about the importance of bringing things up gradually:
Had dinner at a guys place for a second date, half way through dinner he starts talking about rubber gloves, before I knew it he whipped out rubber gloves, a paddle and a gas mask... like war full faced gas mask and proceeds to tell me how he likes to be dominated. I excused myself and made a run for the door lol
Next we have Francisco, who is definitely at fault, although there's a naive (and gross) simplicity to the manner in which he was a terrible date:
I have vague notions on a past date. I remember me very young at my twenties and not paying attention to her but remembering something funny I watched on tv. All of a sudden, two long liquid candles of snots came off my randy nose, as long as 15 inches or so. The girl got up and left me.
Finally, we have Genevieve, for whom we have no words:
I went on a couple of dates with a guy who seemed decent on the first date. On the second date, he said, "Oh yeah baby. Talk fishy to me," when I made a comment about the Oscars he had in his fish tank. He wasn't kidding. It turned him on that I knew what kind of fish he had.