Because humans enjoy their fair share of schadenfreude, cheating stories can be good fun in the same way that watching a pimple popping video can be: painful, gross, sad, and totally unrelated to you. But what happens after the cheating comes out? Well, often a lot more cheating.
On Reddit, a number of people shared their experiences of getting back together with an ex after the ex cheated. These are tales of love, loss, then more love and loss.
1. WalkerNeptuneRanger's ex did not understand friendship boundaries.
He's no longer my SO, but I feel like I need to share this for others to hear.
He cheated on me with my best friend at the time. I ended the friendship rather than the relationship, because I thought his honesty in coming forward to admit his wrongdoing was noble and deserved another chance.
He unfortunately took my forgiveness as "Oh! I can get away with it and get off scot free!" After I forgave him, he CONTINUED to fuck said "friend" on the side, made out with my OTHER close friend, hit on several of my other friends, and then ultimately asked me over the phone for a "hall pass" so he could sleep with his coworker.
I had been with him for about a quarter of my life at the time, and was so invested (or comfortable) in the relationship that it was very, very difficult for me to break it off, despite his infidelities and overall shitty-ness. I finally grew a pair and told him to fuck off, and haven't spoken to him since.
After breaking it off, I had several great relationships, both casual and serious, I learned a lot about myself and what I like/dislike and accept/don't in a relationship. AND I learned that sex is supposed to be enjoyable for BOTH parties. I am now engaged to a wonderful man who actually gives a fuck about me.
Moral of the story: It may not be true in all cases, but be aware that some people take forgiveness as getting off the hook for shit, and will continue to abuse your kindness and understanding to run around on you. And please be aware of whether you are in a relationship because you it is actually fulfilling, or because you're just comfortable.
2. cookie_400 was not expecting.
Forgave her...6-8 months later she was pregnant. I found out it wasn't mine.
Dodged a bullet
3. ceedubs2 will not be making a viral marriage proposal anytime soon.
Was in a eight-year relationship with my wife. We had been married for two years when she came back from a therapy session, shaking, and admitted to having a one-night stand with a coworker.
We spent a whole year in marriage counseling, but at some point she decided she wasn't going to try anymore. She kept staying out later and later with this guy, and at some point, they started sleeping with each other.
I didn't know this for a while, and figured we should just give each other space. So I moved into an apartment for a month, completely miserable. When I returned, she seemed to have a skip in her step about it all. I pretty much decided that we should take a break, which to her meant she got to sleep with this guy more often.
So, I ended up moving back in with my parents at the age of 26 "for a short while," still fully believing that we could somehow repair the relationship. A month after I had left, she calls me and says she's pregnant with the guy's kid. I was fuming, and as a sign of how far gone she was, she didn't understand and thought I'd be happy for her.
I'm now divorced, and haven't spoken to her since last October. Oddly, our interactions right before the kid being born were fairly cordial. I even stopped by her house to drop off food while I was in town for the divorce proceedings. It's very surreal to look back at now.
It's also bizarre to think that this person who knew me very intimately and saw vulnerabilities in me that not even my parents knew about, is now just logged in my brain as an acquaintance at best. She was my girlfriend for four years, my wife for another four, and yet she is now the same status of people I think about as my freshman roommate.
EDIT: As for current relationships, I find myself very defensive and resistant towards long-term relationships. Even if it's going well, I think, "Okay, but at some point, this will all end. She will betray you, or grow tired of you, and you'll have to go through this all again." I'm currently in a five-month long relationship, and I am REALLY tired of people asking if I'm thinking about marrying her.
4. hansvanhengel hopefully didn't pay a lot in deposits.
The recurring theme here is that they cheated again, isn't it?
Guess I'll just add to that then.
She cheated on me 3 months before we were to get married. Decided to give her another chance. We even didn't cancel the wedding, just postponed it for 12 months.
Cheated again only a few months later with another person.
All of that was after a 5 year relationship. She never cheated then, only towards the end she changed.
5. Moon-owl's husband had very bad timing.
My husband cheated on me and I forgave him. I later found out that he had cheated at our wedding reception and while I was giving birth to his son! I divorced him. My advice is once a cheater, always a cheater.
6. ImNotAClown's story has a happy—nope.
I forgave because prior to his cheating, I had been going through a really rough time with my mental health and knew I had not been an easy partner to be with for several months. It was an excuse to stay for sure, but in a way I understood how it happened because he started talking to her ABOUT me and it progressed from there. When I discovered it, he did everything I asked without hesitation and after a few months, things actually did get better. I didn't fully trust him again for a couple of years. What finally regained trust was when I had an unexpected injury and surgery and he was 100% there for me through the whole painful process and picked up the slack without complaint when I couldn't work for a couple of months because of it. Things were good again for a few years.
I left him in August after I discovered he was cheating for the second time. I'm much happier now.
7. Throwawayno8585 tries to self-redeem in their post.
So, this is a bit of a different perspective: A year into our 5+ year long relationship, I cheated on my current fiance.
I was at a pretty low place emotionally and in my weakness I was very susceptible to the advances of a woman I met at work - I do not deny my role in this, I was a willing participant, and it led to me meeting up with her at her place to hook up. I knew what I was doing the whole time, and a few minutes in, as things were starting to get hot and heavy I became so disgusted with myself that I just got up and left, leaving the other woman half-dressed on the bed in confusion.
To be perfectly honest, I handled this in just about the worst way possible. At the time, however, there didn't seem like much of a choice, so I covered it up. I told myself I could forget it ever happened and outgrow my horrible decision. And for a little while, it worked. Guilt cropped up every now and then, but I focused on my current relationship harder than ever, and eventually it grew into something I wanted to keep for the rest of my life.
Life had other plans, however. Four years down the line, an anonymous Facebook message (from whom, I still don't know) revealed the whole incident to my now fiance. Obviously the shock and feeling of betrayal was immense. I had had several years to come to terms with what I did, but for her it might as well have happened yesterday.
This is something I regret with every fiber of my being - both the infidelity as well as the deception. To anyone reading this: cheating is NEVER worth it. Though we are still together, my fiance will never look at me the same way again. I will never be her hero again. I love her dearly, and she loves me. We're working on moving past this, and I'm trying my best to make things up to her. It's been about 9 months since she found out, and she still has times where she feels hurt, or like she isn't enough for me, even when that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Seriously, not even once. No physical or emotional gratification is worth hurting your best friend.
8. Faiths_got_fangs has sound logic.
My ex's excuse (the second time he cheated) was that I didn't have time for him and was neglecting his sexual needs.
At the time we had a toddler, I was pregnant with kid #2 and acting as my mother's caregiver while she died of brain cancer.
To be honest, he was right in that I wasn't horny and didn't really have time for his bullshit, but he could have helped me rather than spending his free time having sex with other people.
9. 11kgm's ex's busy schedule sealed their relationship.
Forgave her because it was only photos started to trust her again till she tried to fuck my friend. Found out she had been with over 30 guys in the 5 months together
10. BLACKMACH1NE has some life lessons for you.
I forgave her. She didnt even remotely try to make up for it. Not even walk on eggshells about the subject. Like she would mention the guy to me over and over again as if I was supposed to console her over the fact that he just wanted sex from her. I broke up with her for good when she did it again. Never again. Shes still miserable like 4 years later. What a way to throw a 10 year relationship down the drain.
Edit: Didn't think this would blow up. Thanks to all of the responses. I want to take this time to offer the best advice that has ever been given to me. "Learn from other peoples mistakes". It has made life so much easier for me. I never saw this coming and always had amazing relationships until this one went south. I shouldve trusted my gut from the get go and left when I knew I wasnt being treated fairly. Honestly you shouldnt be with someone unless that they making the same amount of effort or at least make you feel appreciated for what you do for them. Learn from me and dont get walked on. You'll be much better off and proud of yourself for putting your foot down.
11. PM_ME_BEEF_CURTAINS cheated, she cheated, everyone cheated!
My wife and I were both guilty. Lots of cheating on both sides.
Now we have an open relationship, honesty is the primary rule. We can each veto the other's potential partner. All hookups have to be discussed first.
It works really well, actually, and it's actually improved our sex life as a couple.
12. CommentBear lived a suburban fairytale.
13. In the words of Tim Gunn, TheMiddlecouldbeme and their partner made it work.
We were married less than a year. It was the hardest year of my life. He went to watch a sporting event with his friends and didn't come back that night. He called me in the morning and told me what happened. Lots of counselling, lots of fighting, and we are still married 20 years and 2 kids later. I think since he told me right away and didn't try to hide it made it easier.
rawketscience has no tale but did offer some advice.
Never been cheated on, but I am a lawyer who's done a fair number of divorces. The cheater's age is a huge factor.
If you're 18-29, and he or she is already running around on you, fuck that noise. It's a symptom of a deeper problem, and just the first of many many ways that you are going to get hurt in the relationship.
If you're 30-45, eh, maybe it's worth it to stay in the relationship. YMMV.
If you're 45 plus, and you still love each other, and you've built a life together that you otherwise really like, but the sex has gotten boring or infrequent, then take a good hard look at forgiveness.
Of course, those aren't words to live by. You do you.