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One lonely dude has turned to the internet for help in his quest to find a girlfriend who will also collaborate on a screenplay. And let me tell you, his expectations are high, and extremely specific. You're pretty much applying for a full-time job here. The man posted an ad on Craigslist titled "Looking For A Young Woman Writing/Life Partner." Do you have what it takes? Let's find out.

Our friend here starts out by stating that he is a writer who has "started a million books I haven't finished" and is looking for a partner to write a script for an HBO or Showtime series with. In his words, "No network shit." That's right, ladies. No need to apply if you're looking to write the next Parks and Rec. He has standards. Premium cable standards. Alright?

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Now that we've weeded out those basic cable idiots, let's continue reading.

Anyway, I'm looking for the right woman. I'm looking for a woman aged mid twenties to mid thirties who's in the same situation and has the same opinions as me.

Okay, ladies. Anyone who has their own opinions and isn't afraid to express them can head to the door. And as for your "situation":

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By "situation" I mean that you be a parent like I am. My daughter doesn't live with me. Her mother is being difficult when it comes to going to court. Long story short, I want to provide for my child just as you want to for your child. I miss my daughter terribly, and it makes the routine of my regular career hard to endure. Focusing on a passion would begin to help me feel better, and if it helps another parent provide for her children, I would be happy about that, too.

Oh, yikes. That's actually really sad. But again, no opinions that differ from his own allowed! Luckily, he provides a comprehensive list of the things he hates, and that you are also required to hate in order to be considered for this position.

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Now when it comes to opinions... Well, I'm a conservative agnostic (yes, we do exist). I tend to hate religions, governments, corporations, all politicians, etc. I don't trust people in power and I think most people are just out for themselves as opposed to being morally guided.

I also hate rap, reality television, feminism, social media, watching sports (except pro wrestling) the Black Lives Matter movement, gay marriage, transgender bathroom rights, hearing about Israel and Palestine, political correctness, illegal immigration, censorship, social justice warriors and other stuff, too. (Our television series should attack all of these things with much scorn.)

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Sounds fun, doesn't he? Don't worry! There are things he likes, too. It is preferred that you also like these things.

Some things I do like and/or love are my daughter, riding my bicycle, typing words into Google Images and seeing if there's been any memes made about it, classical music, cutting pictures out of magazines and gluing them to boxes and, of course, writing.

Perks of the job include working from his "apartment with a computer" and, evidently, gluing magazine clippings to boxes.

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Serious inquiries only.

Sources: The Daily Dot