For better or worse, everyone remembers their first kiss. Sometimes there's emotional pain, and that's if you're lucky. Oftentimes there's physical pain as well for the truly inexperienced. Tongues, noses, head-butts, so much can go wrong. And thanks to the Internet and AskReddit, people are able to alleviate their pain by sharing those first experiences with the world. Here are some of the most memorable things that went wrong on people's first trips to first base.
1. First kiss turned into first love for kandyaufman, and it later turned to his first heartbreak too.
I was 14 and she grabbed me and she whacked her teeth against mine. She was pretty embarrassed because it was her first kiss also so we just laughed it off and tried again. I ended up dating that girl for almost 2 years and then she cheated on me.
2. Sometimes first kisses begin as a beautiful dream come true. Mutantmother had hers, then it turned into a nightmare.
Homecoming freshman year. Wore too much makeup and a horrible velvet dress. The hottest guy on the swim team had been flirting with me for weeks. Went outside to his car to say goodbye. He kissed me and I all but melted. Like a bad paperback romance the world went silent all I could feel were his warm lips and the cool alaskan air. When he pulled back he said " you really need to learn how to do that." It was horrible...
3. Someecards staff writer Jaime Lutz has always known that ladies is pimps too, and made the first move.
Summer sleep-away camp. I was maybe 10 or 11. The boys came over for a dance. One of them danced with me and held my hand all night. I tried to get him to sit with me and “look at the stars.” As soon as he looked up I grabbed him and gave him a peck on the lips. He literally RAN away.
What a f**king tease.
4. Shaw-Deez had a pretty typical first kiss following a dare in a game of truth or dare. It was followed by a much different dare.
Truth or dare in 7th grade. It was her first kiss too, and we just sort of sloppily drooled all over each other while 6 other kids awkwardly cheered for us. Then the weird kid Nick, ate a caterpillar.
5. NotStevenPink forgot to breathe.
...My family and her family have been close for a long time and we'd known each other forever. Our families were on vacation together in Key West, Florida and we were alone one night on a pier. We had both hinted at liking each other for a while and it just happened. I passed out about five seconds after the kiss (the kiss lasted about thirty seconds). I woke up on a park bench with her sitting over me asking if I was okay. She and I are still close (in a more than friendship way) to this day, but sadly due to distance it's never gone anywhere.
6. You start off easy with the tongues, which dummystupid learned the hard way.
It was horrible. I thought you HAD to French kiss and I thought that meant doing all sorts of flipping and twirling motions with my tongue. I was 13 at a church dance and I convinced a girl to be my girlfriend. From there it was 45 seconds of the most distrusting and overbearing tongue assault known to mankind. Within 15 hours she broke up with me. I learned that kissing should be a bit more civil.
7. Stability_Deathbycandy reminds everyone to aim for the mouth.
It went absolutely horrible. It was a first kiss for both of us. Both of us closed our eyes, he opened his mouth and I didn't. The result was a tongue up my nose. I do not recommend the experience.
8. Speaking of noses, the first kiss for mitm27 also had a nose incident.
We got stuck in the 'which side do you put your head to' dance for a good while while our mates awkwardly watched us. I then had to pretend his runny nose didn't touch my face... We were 13.
9. There's a theme here, summed up by thedorkofyork.
11. Hopefully Loelin's kiss was better than the movie.
During Valentines Day...
12. First kisses are always memorable, though for kdubs27 it's in the form of a nightmare.
oh god he kept his eyes open and had chronic postnasal drip. i can still hear the labored breathing through his nose. it haunts me at night.
13. Lolsecks kisses like a rock star.
I hit him in the balls with a guitar mid-kiss.
14. The ever-watching dad thwarted poor handsofstoner.
Couldn't have been worse, as I leaned in, her dad who happened to be picking her up, honked his horn. So she half turned to look, which resulted in a "half lip kiss".
15. Akthrowaway563 had a first kiss that belongs on Teen Wolf.
It was 7th grade and I was dating a girl who thought she had a "spirit animal" (wolf). She'd always pretend to whimper (like a hurt wolf) and say her "mouth hurt" (though I assumed she meant because of her braces). So one day after school I eventually kissed her and her lips we like sandpaper. She then promptly bit into a soccer ball to show me how strong her "wolf teeth" were. I broke up with her 3 hours later... I'll never forget that day, no matter how I try.
16. Bad breath is terrible for any kiss, and unfortunately it tanked the first kiss for craiggy.
It was awesome for a minute. Then I realized how bad her breath was. I wanted to keep going, but part of me wanted to pull back and vomit. I still remember the taste. If I could change it, I would have given her half of the gum piece I had just put in.
Hopefully everyone's kissing careers improved greatly following their first experience. Remember: take it easy on the tongue, and don't keep your eyes open like a serial killer.