It's redditor BinanoSplat's birthday today (March 23), and he's going out to dinner with his girlfriend. That sounds like a nice intimate evening—except for the fact that BinanoSplat has publicly announced his intention to hand his girlfriend a card that basically says, "Screw you, I know you're cheating." Happy birthday, BinanoSplat!
The Internet is now waiting with bated breath for updates on his dinner date, which is set for roughly 10 p.m. EST. He has promised a full debriefing after the dinner. Update: he blew it by telling everyone (see below).
The front of the card suggests it's filled with nothing but love.
THIS CARD WILL FEEL HEAVY
Which it would be, except that BinanoSplat has added a personal touch.
BECAUSE IT'S PACKED WITH
TONS OF GOOD THOUGHTS.your house key.
Now that you're single, you don't need to feel guilty about your sexually charged texts w/ Michael, going on dates w/ Jared, or about getting drinks tomorrow with
BinanoSplat said on Reddit that he'd first suspected his girlfriend after "[s]he left her Facebook messenger open to a pretty damning conversation when she handed me her laptop once. I continued to snoop," he wrote. He's since confirmed that his soon-to-be-ex girlfriend has been on dates with two other guys and is texting a third.
"I've been made to feel like I was the jerk and the one who was more likely to cheat during the whole relationship," he said as an explanation for why he feels the need to return the key to her house with such flourish. "I feel bad, but not that bad." He'll probably feel a lot better after his dual dessert of birthday cake and sweet revenge.
Update—no he won't: