Some idiot just wrote a how-to manual for hitting on women who are wearing headphones.

Some idiot just wrote a how-to manual for hitting on women who are wearing headphones.
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Self-described "dating and relationship expert" Dan Bacon ruined the Internet today with his terrorist manual "How to talk to a woman wearing headphones."

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Put this man on the "no fly" list, STAT.

He starts out so wrong:

These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.

Yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them.

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Yes, actually, that's exactly what that means, friend-o. You know how annoying it is when you run into an acquaintance and you have to say hello? Multiply that by all the desperate losers in the world.

When you interrupt us wearing headphones we assume you are:

1) A tourist trying to get directions because you don't have a smartphone or you are too dumb to understand the directions your smartphone is giving you.

2) Begging for money.

3) A fucking creep idiot who tries to hit on women who are wearing headphones because you are a fucking creep idiot get away from us.

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And yet Bacon Bits is over here sending in the turds who don't naturally understand this to "stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you)" as though we can't get annoyed from three feet away.

According to Dan Dan, wearing headphones has removed the part of our brains that understands when strangers want our attention, so he gives this sign language lesson:

When she looks at you, smile, point to her headphones and confidently ask, “Can you take off your headphones for a minute?” as you pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands what you mean.

If she doesn’t understand that you want her to briefly take off her headphones, simply gesture that you want to talk to her by pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.”

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Gesture back and forth? This pickup technique sounds familiar.

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Once we've assumed you're having a heart attack and need us to call 911, we take off our headphones and hear this coached patter:

You: [Smile in a friendly, confident manner] Hey – I know it’s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought – wow, she’s hot, I have to come over and say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?

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Catch your balance, fellas, because she's about to shift the magnetic poles with the force of how hard she will roll her eyes. Here is the picture he used to show this technique in practice:

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Do not pass "Go." Do not collect her phone number.

Look at this girl; backed up against the rail, baring her teeth like a threatened wolf. Her arm is folded across her chest which is the unequivocal sign of disinterest. This is the picture of a woman in distress.

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Then Dumb Dan goes on with more patter as if the woman wouldn't make use of her jogging attire and run the fuck away. (Side note: if you ever stop a running woman to pick her up you will be the first in the volcano when the revolution begins.) Worse, he tells these poor readers that a common mistake men make when picking up women wearing headphones is that they give up too easily, and that "some women like to test to see how confident a guy is by ignoring his attempts to converse with her and then seeing what he does next."

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Follow this advice and die by my fist. I feel v. comfortable saying there is no woman on this planet who pulls this level of hard-to-get with a complete stranger.

In short, leave us alone. You want to know how to talk to a woman who is wearing headphones? Don't.

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