People who are no longer attracted to their spouse explain how they handle intimacy.

People who are no longer attracted to their spouse explain how they handle intimacy.

Loss of sexual attraction is so common in marriages that, if it didn't sound disgusting, it would be reasonable to replace "for better or worse" to "for better or when your partner doesn't want to have sex anymore." So what do people do when they've lost that heat? 12 people shared how they make things work till death to them part. Surprisingly, no one mentioned cheating.

1. ​PuppyPavilion just focused on her own orgasms.

Initially I was attracted to him, not because of his looks, but because of his personality and how loving he seemed. From the start I didn't like his body because of weight gain, then loss and no working out. He was soft and flabby, but I liked his personality so I looked past it. Also, I'm a runner and very fit.

I dealt with intimacy by not making it all about the visual attraction, but how I was feeling physically. We had great sex and I always had incredible orgasms, so that was my focus. Also, I loved the way he reacted to me so it made me want to drive him wild. That relationship taught me that I can have great sex with someone I wouldn't normally consider my type. Also, I know this sounds awful and maybe is awful, but I preferred sex with the lights out. It made it easier to forget. And I never wanted him to know what I thought of him physically because that would have hurt him. Even after being the worst break up I've ever had, I still never told him.

2. ​FrismFrasm has a friend that tackled the problem from the top down.

A friend of mine once told me that when he wanted to fuck and his GF didn't, (which was most of the time), she would just read a book or watch netflix topless and he would sit there on the bed and jerk off to her tits...this has to be the most depressing relationship story I've ever heard IRL.

3. ​NewNormandy7 went back to the beginning.

I jerk off to our wedding/honeymoon sex tapes.

4. ​FoxxyRin had to learn compromise from day one.

I'm asexual and my boyfriend is a borderline addict. We simply compromise and make it work because we love each other. He understands he can't get sex 3+ times in the four hours he has between work and bedtime, and I understand that he needs something, so we do out best to make sure we do it once a day, though he does try to give me space if I'm having a bad day or whatever (and I try to offer it more if he's stressed or something). It's not a matter of me not being interested in him, it's a matter of me not being interested in sex in general. It doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. But like every other aspect of a successful relationship, it's about love, respect, and compromising. We've been together for seven years, and while we've had a lot of bickering moments and frustrations over the subject, it's never even come close to something that would be a deal breaker for either of us.


5. ​SheaRVA replaced sex with watching their dogs.

Intimacy is so much more than sex.

It's dinners, cuddling, spending true quality time together. It's talking on the back porch while the dogs play outside. It's reading to each other at night before bed. It's starting new shows to enjoy together and refraining from binge-watching when you're alone...even though you want to.

It doesn't have to be sex. Sex is important, yes. But if your relationship is only about that, you'll never last anyway. No couple has the same sex drive forever and a lot of times, they'll fall out of sync for whatever reason.

It's about listening to your partner and doing your best to be honest with them about what you're able to do for those needs and understanding that sometimes, that means sacrifice for you.


6. ​HeavyRemorses became a family guy.

Honestly this is weird but she look exactly like peter griffin and due to this I really struggled to get it up apart from this she was perfect though, warm, funny and genuinely perfect for me. So to combat my erectile problems I decided to masturbate to family guy, this conditioned me to find her attractive and we are still going strong

7. ​BigBlueBox12 leaves the bunnies out of it.

I'm sexually attracted to my husband, BUT his sex drive is much higher than mine. I make up for it by showing love and intimacy in other ways. I make him special desserts every week, I cuddle with him, etc. We have sex, but since our drives are so different, if I don't remind him that I love him and find him attractive in other ways then things get tense.

It's not all about sex. You don't have to be fucking like bunnies to be completely and utterly head over heels for someone.


8. Darth_Pyre knows that attraction is only a light switch away.

Well, apparently my wife likes to turn off the lights.

9. Unicorn_toots_ answer is "not the most awesome thing ever."

We have sex about 1-2 times a week, which is a compromise between the 5-7 days a week he'd like and the 1-2 times a month I'd like. There's a lot of quickie sex/blowjobs, and when my husband wants me to orgasm I'll fantasize about something or tell him I'm not feeling it that day. I end up having a lot of sex I'm not interested in, and it's not the most awesome thing ever.

10. ​gizzardgullet has some advice if you are the most patient person in the world and potentially kinky.

I lost attraction to my wife and it came back about 10 years later. You just need to wait for the right sexual perversion to develop in your mind.


11. CiderDrinker has a checklist of things to do. The first one will be tough.

The thing to do is to choose, and learn, to find them attractive.
1. Quit porn.
2. Communicate about sex. Let the scenario be sexy, let the action be sexy, even if the aesthetics aren't what they used to be.
3. Make sure the rest of your relationship is good. No grudges, no resentments, no lies, no passive aggression.
4. Stop judging and comparing them to imaginary others. Appreciate them for who they are.
5. Don't expect the red hot lust to last. Sex can still be good, but you have to turn that red hot adrenalin lust into a nice warm oxytocin love.


12. And finally, TheNewGuyAgain just makes sure he gets the job done.

I please her. I married the person, not the body.